Belonging
by Nadie2
Summary: Au in which focuses on Daniel and Sha're's family life. Catherine, Ernest, Vala, McKay, Janet, Jonas Quinn, and Sha're's mom also play a roll. Partner story to "Instead". Daniel/Shau'ri
1. Someone to Rely On

In a Universe Not So Far Away

AN: This story takes place in an alternate universe in which two major things are different causing a lot of other differences. One difference is Catherine Langfords location on the day Daniel's parents died, it will be obvious in this chapter. The other is something about Sara O'Neill shortly after Charlie is born. You'll know it when you see it. Lots of shippyness: Catherine/Ernest, Jack/Sam, Daniel/Sha're.

Chapter 1: A Shoulder to Cry on Someone to Rely on

Catherine Langford's POV

1973 New York

I've thought about becoming a mother. Thought about like every little girl does. I thought about it when Ernest and I were engaged. We thought about it, we dreamt about it, we talked about it, we planned about it.

When Ernest died in the accident my hopes of motherhood disappeared, but my dreams didn't. My longing didn't. I still think about being a mother, but at 49 I didn't really expect to.

I defiantly wasn't thinking about motherhood this morning as I arrived at the New York Museum of Art. I was thinking about the exhibit I was contributing to. I was thinking about meeting the famous Claire and Melbourne Jackson. You know, I never did meet them. It would have been really nice to meet them, to know there thoughts on childrearing, considering I'm rearing their child.

I didn't see them when I came that day, what I did see was a little boy, gorgeous blond hair, intelligent blue eyes, strange Arab like clothing –screaming and kicking the museum guide who was holding him back. The poor worker didn't know what to do with him. Really, I didn't know what to do with him either. But seeing him I remembered my own mother's death, and I decided I should probably take a guess.

I scoop him up and start petting his hair. He fights me hard, kicking and screaming, trying to get back to his parents. But the second we were out of sight and sound of them he falls limp against me. He was heavy enough that I sank to the floor of the hallway with him on my lap. I held him close to me and rocked him. I smoothed his hair.

"Sweetie, Sweetie," I said knowing that it didn't really matter what I said; it was the sound. Also, most people said pretty annoying things to grieving people. I still cringe at the memory of some things people told me when my mother died.

"I'm not sweetie, I'm Daniel," he says sounding much younger than he was. I remember whining for six months after my mother died.

"Nice to meet you Daniel, I'm Catherine," I say tucking his head under my chin.

"Are they dead?" he asks.

I pull him back, and looked right in his bright blue eyes. I wasn't going to lie to this child. "Yes, Danny they are."

"It crushed them." I nodded my chin in contact with his forehead on each down stroke. "The chain broke." I rub his back. "Are you sure they're dead? Maybe they need me. Maybe they need me to help them."

I held him tighter, "There are a lot of people out there taking care of them, Daniel. You have to stay here. Your parents would want you to be safe, to…not see it."

"Would," he says sadly, it sinking in. He's the child of a linguist, so all it takes is one past tense verb for reality to crash in on him.

"It crushed them?" he asked uncertainly. I thought of how many times I'd replayed my mother's death. I wondered how it would have been different if there had been someone to talk about it with.

"Yes, Daniel, it crashed them."

"Who will take care of me?" he asked with big scared open eyes. I wanted to volunteer, but I was not about to make promises that I could not keep.

"I don't know yet, Danny. Someone called a social worker will come and tell you. Your parents probably picked someone out. Do you have aunts, uncles, and grandparents?"

He thought for a bit, "Nick, but Mom says he's only good around artifacts. He's my Grandpa," he added as an afterthought. Well, that didn't sound to promising.

"Danny, if you don't have a family they will find you one to live with."

"Your family?" he asked hopefully.

Please yes, I thought. Out loud I said, "I don't really have a family, Danny. My Mom died when I was little, and my dad died when I was older." His tiny arms wrap around me. Oh, the sweet little child is offering **me** comfort.

"So, does the hurt go away?"

I was about to answer what someone had told me when I was five years old and I asked that. I was going to do that, but I couldn't. I promised myself I wasn't going to lie to the child. "It doesn't go away Daniel. But it changes-becomes a dull ache instead of a breath taking throb. Sometimes there are hours, days, weeks between the pain. But it doesn't really go away."

He leans against me, and then pulls away. I see the problem right away-my Eye of Ra necklace. The one that I took the day my father discovered the artifact, is digging into his cheek. I pull it off, and am about to set it away, but his little fingers are tracing the lines, so put it around his neck. His fingers keep tracing the lines as he asks, "Do you think Nick will take me?"

My stomach hurts a little with fear that the answer is no. No and this kid will have to deal with rejection on top of loss. "Danny, I don't know the answer to that question," I lift his chin so those bright blue eyes are focused into mine, "But you need to remember something forever for me ok? You are strong, and smart, and beautiful, and good. You deserve happiness, and love, and safety. If the world doesn't give these things to you, you are going to have to stand up and demand them, do you hear me?"

"Boys and handsome," he says with a smirk. But then his face falls and guilt covers his whole face. I know what he's thinking. I tortured myself with the same thought for years after my mother's death.

"You aren't betraying them by laughing at a joke. They want you to be happy." He looks at me in surprise. "When you lose someone, you feel a lot of things. You are changing all the time. It's ok to smile, laugh, cry, be sad, or angry, or confused, or scared, or empty. When you lose someone you feel-a lot of different things. They are all ok."

He changed position on my lap, "Catherine," he says bright eyes looking into mine. "You shouldn't be nice to me, because I killed them," he said honestly.

I. Am. Not. Even. Surprised.

I grab on to his chin to keep his eyes focused on me. "Daniel Jackson you didn't kill your parents."

"I was talking to Mommy, and that is why she didn't hear the chain snap. If I was being a good boy and reading my books like she told me to be it never would have happened."

"No baby, she still wouldn't have heard the chain, and if she had she wouldn't have had time to get away. Everyone feels guilty when they lose someone they love. It doesn't matter if it is true or not, everyone feels like if they had just been better or smarter or nicer their loved one would still be here. I spent years trying to figure out how I caused my mother to get sick. I even did it when my Dad died, and by then I was old enough to know better. But accidents just happen. The just happen, and grief doesn't do anyone any good."

"I could have saved them," he says resolutely.

"No, Danny, you couldn't have. But it's ok you think that, for a while. Grief is a journey, a personal journey. I'm not going to sit and tell you you're going the wrong way as long as you are still moving toward healing, child. I wouldn't steal your grief from you."

He must not have understood everything I said. He snuggled against me, "So you still like me even though I killed them."

I smile rubbing his back, "I would still like you if you had killed your parents. But. You. Did. Not. Kill. Them. Daniel Jackson." His muscles relax against my body. "I will like you, Danny, forever, and for always, no matter what."

"That is…safe," he said falling into a sleep punctuated by nightmares which I rocked away. I had just rocked away his third nightmare when a figure of a woman appeared above me.

"Miss?" she asked.

"Call me Catherine, and who are you?"

"Mrs. James, I'm a social worker. They" she gestured toward the room where Daniel's parents had died, "told me you have the Johnsons' son out here?"

"Yes," I said, "I'd shake your hand, but…"

"Your hands look pretty busy," she sat down next to me, "Do you know the family?"

"I was going to start working with them today," I said wistfully.

"So you don't know who I should be contacting."

"He," I said nodding to the boy on my lap," said something about a Grandpa Nick. Think it was on his mother's side. He's an archeologist, or something related-anyway he looks at 'artifacts'. But Daniel didn't seem very sure he'd want him."

The woman pursed her lips.

"I want him," I said quietly.

She paused, "I assume you're not a registered foster parent."

"No," I said.

"If you want to come with when I take the boy,"

"Daniel," I supplied.

"Daniel, to my office we can start the paperwork. No promises, and if family claims him that's that. But," she looked at the boy on my lap, "As soon as your paperwork goes through if no one has claimed him he's yours."

"Would adoption be an option?" I asked.

"Not right away, but defiantly at some point, depending of course on the family," she looked at him, "How is he doing?"

"He thinks it is his fault. Doesn't believe they're dead one moment, knows it the next. He wants to go in and see them, and he's had three nightmares since he feel into exhausted sleep."

She nodded.

"So about par for the course for grieving child right?" I added.

She looked surprised, "Why do you say that?"

"My mom died when I was little," I said not looking at her. Hoping this didn't ruin my chances.

"Well," I hear her smile, "I hope that little boy ends up with you then. You…deserve each other." She paused for a while, "We need to get him down to the office now." I stood up slowly and lifted Daniel up with me.

His eyes opened, "What is happening, Catherine?"

"The social worker I told you about came. She wants us to go to her office."

"You will come with me?"

"Yeah, baby, you're stuck with me for a little longer,"

He curled in closer to me.

"Hadn't you better walk?" Mrs. James asked him.

He nodded his head furiously, and tried to get down.

"You are not a burden Daniel, remember that for me, Sweetie. I'll carry this load, since I can't carry the real one."

"I don't understand that, Catherine."

"That's ok, Daniel, just remember you are nobody's burden," I said shifting him onto my shoulder and starting down the stairs.

Mrs. James gave me a clipboard with the forms attached so I could fill them out without having him leave my lap. I saw Mrs. James rush off with them the second they were done. But I had no delusions I would be going home with the child tonight.

He slept again and again woke from the nightmare.

"Shh, Danny, boy, come on out of that and back to the real world."

His big bright eyes met mine, "The real world isn't much better than the nightmare."

"No baby, today it is not."

Mrs. James had returned, "There are cartoons on TV Daniel." I could tell by his face that he didn't know what a cartoon was. Archeologist's son-intelligent eyes.

"Danny, do you know hieroglyphics?"

"Only Hieratic and Copic. Dad said if you managed the beginning and the end the middle would come easier."

Ok, so even smarter than I thought. "Well, I was thinking you and I could write secret messages in hieroglyphics."

"You know hieroglyphics?" he asked in shock.

"Danny, I'm an archeologist too." I paused, "Just like my father before me." I had a feeling somehow that being the daughter of an archeologist might just mean more than being one myself.

He nodded gravely, "Catherine Langford," he said.

"Yes, Danny, but my old hieroglyphics is a little week. I'm only really fluent with Demotic and Copic, so we'd better stick to Copic."

Daniel considered this for a moment then slowly he said, "Or we could write something in Coppic, then you translate it into Demotic and I would translate it into Hieratic, and this way we can both learn something."

Ok, this boy finally surprised me, "Danny, how old are you?"

There is an owlish look behind his glasses, "Eight years and one month the solar calendar, would you like it in lunar as well?"

I grinned, "No that is alright." That was the moment when I realized I loved little Daniel Jackson. He was my son. Forget the paperwork.

Of course, me deciding Daniel belonged to me didn't actually mean he got to go home with me that night. I knew that. Daniel didn't.

"What did I do wrong?" he scribbled in Copic hieroglyphics. I answer him, aloud in Arabic, his native tongue, "Baby," which is a beautiful word in Arabic, "You've done nothing wrong. But they don't know me here. They have to make sure I'm a good person. That I won't hurt you. Because they can't have you getting hurt again."

"But I know you are good," He says, and I kiss his forehead.

He takes off my Eye of Ra necklace, and hands it back to me.

"You know Danny, if I told you that was thousands of years old do you think you could take care of it until I see you again?

He shakes his head.

"Alright then, it's yours."

He shakes his head harder and tries to hand it to me again, but I won't take it.

Three days had passed. Three long Danieless days before I was all cleared through the social services office and he became my foster son. It's the day of his parent's funeral. They haven't even told him. He's desperate for touch. They seem like good people, but they haven't noticed. I scoop him up and hug him, hold him, carry him, rub his back in big slow circles.

I told him about the funeral. I explain what is going to happen at the funeral. I tell him about how people at funerals look at the dead before. As I am carrying him into the room to see his parents, his fingers grab onto the door frame, "You said Mom and Dad wouldn't want me to see them dead."

I set him down and kneel down to his level, "Daniel, I did say that. But that was when they were," I shut my eyes. What would I say crushed? Banged up? Horrible looking? Best not to say anything, "Now someone has made them look pretty, or as pretty as dead people can look. Some people say it makes the death feel real to see someone they love in the casket. But it's your choice Daniel, I won't make you go in there. The only thing is, this is your only chance. If you wish you did it in ten years you can't then. Of course you can unsee them either."

He nods. He walks into the room. I follow him ready to scoop him up if he needs it. My hand is on his shoulder. He reaches out and touches his mother's hand. My own hand involuntarily withdraws from his shoulder in horror. I remembered what it felt like when I touched my mother's hand-like she was a wax figurine-horrible.

But Daniel doesn't pull his hand away. He strokes her hand, her cheek, his shoulder. Every grief is different.

"They aren't really my parents anymore are they?" his voice is cold and scientific.

"No, Danny they aren't." He takes a step back, and leans against me. I wrap my hands around his little shoulders. I feel them shaking, and I realize he's crying. I walk around him and bend down so I can envelope him in a big safe hug. He cries for a while. Then he snuggled his face into my shoulder drying his eyes. Then he pulls away and leads the way out of the room.

Every culture in the world has a mourning ritual. Grief is so unique and individual. Yet each culture chooses one way, one single way to mourn. You wouldn't think it would ever work. To take one way to deal with a thousand griefs, but it does somehow. The way to mourn has been honed by thousand of years, and trillions of griefs. It's the best possible way to dispose of grief, which means it can turn despair into depression. But that is no small thing.

Danny took in the whole funeral like a wide eyed little sponge. I kept my arm around him the whole time trying to guard him, trying to protect him. But all the things I was trying to protect him from were on the inside, so it didn't work very well.

The social worker had told me that Nicholas Ballard would be at the funeral. I was terrified he would take Danny from me. Also terrified that he would not want Danny, that he would tell Danny he did not want him. I didn't want him to break Danny's heart.

When I met Nickolas Ballard I didn't know it was him. He was shaking Danny's hand, and I thought it was just another anonymous acquaintance offering condolences to the little orphan. I thought he was perhaps a neighbor or distant relative. The stranger was just at the age where funerals are social events worthy of scourging for paper for.

"Nick," Daniel says hopefully, fearfully, and I find myself examining the face of his grandfather. I didn't think too much of him at the start. This was Daniel's closest relative, a man who had just lost his own daughter. He was shaking Danny's hand coolly and without any words of comfort or emotion or facial expression.

"Daniel, I'm going to take you to breakfast," Nick says.

Daddy grabs onto my hand, "This is Catherine Langford, an archeologist. She is my foster mom. She's coming with," Daniel says in the same tone her grandfather used. Daniel looks up at me with a look of terror.

"Ok," Nick says walking toward the big church doors.

I bend down on the pretense of tying Danny's shoe. It wasn't untied. "Danny," I whisper, "Remember, you are strong, and smart, and beautiful, and good. You deserve happiness, and love, and safety. If the world doesn't give these things to you, you are going to have to stand up and demand them."

Then I stood up and we caught up with Nickolas Ballard. "So, Mr. Ballard, what is your specialty" I said when the silence became unbearable.

"Mayan culture," he replied.

"Nick studies pyramids, just like Mom and Dad," Daniel adds helpfully.

"Step pyramids are quite differently than Egyptian pyramids," Nick says dismissively. I decided right then and there that Daniel would not be living with this man.

"I didn't mean exactly the same. Although the tunnels inside are laid out remarkably similar and there appears to be some kind of link to astronomy in both," Daniel's said defensively.

Nick didn't acknowledge his defense and I patted Daniel's back, "Just that they are both pyramids is pretty cool."

Daniel says something in a language I don't recognize.

"What was that?" I ask.

"Mayan," Nick replies.

"You taught him Mayan?" I ask. I can see by Nick's face that I guessed wrong. No, this was something Daniel had done all on his own, a little boys desperate attempt to please his grandfather. I promised myself Danny would never have to fight for anyone's attention ever again.

As soon as we get to the restaurant Danny excuses himself to go to the bathroom. He's a smart enough kid to know the adults involved are going to want a little time to settle his fate. He squeezes my hand as I leave, letting me know what he wants. Oh, I'll get you that and more. So when Danny's made his exit I get right to the point.

"What do you plan to do?" I ask Nick.

He blinks, blinks just like Danny does. And I remember, he's Danny's blood, and that is something I can never be.

"I can't take care of a child…" he says.

At least he knows it. But I cut off the excuses I can feel coming, "Ok, that's what I thought you would say. Just as well, because I love that little boy. But you're his Grandpa, so here is what you will do. You will pretend you want him. Pretend it's killing you not to take him. Pretend you think he's better off with me, and you are not taking him because you love him so much. You are going to hug him. So help me you will send that little boy a letter every single month, in the language of your choosing, that child is a genius who knows several, in case you haven't noticed. You will be here for every Christmas, and each of your grandson's birthdays. You will do all of this, because God help him, Nick, you are all the family that little boy has left."

His face made me feel for a moment as if I had been too cruel. He began to speak, "Ms. Langford, I do love him, and I do believe he's better off with you," his voice got soft, "I've never been good at understanding other people. Even when I want to. I can't connect. There's a part of me…missing…or broken."

I looked at Nick. He wasn't bad, just damaged. "Daniel is an extraordinary child," I told him.

"I know," he says with a smile of pride. I see Daniel returned from the bathroom, since Nick's back was to him I greeted Daniel to let Nick know he was there.

Nick turned to him grinning, "Daniel," he says holding his hands out to him. Daniel looks at him uncertainly, than glances at me. I nod and Daniel went to him. Nick pulls him unto his lap, "Daniel you know I love you right?"

Daniel just examines his face.

"I do Daniel," Nick said hurt by his confusion, "Ms. Langford loves you too. We decided that as much as I love you, South America is no place for a child. So you are going to go live with Ms. Langford." Either Nick really did love the boy or he deserved an Oscar.

Daniel wraps his hands around Nick's neck, offering him comfort. "I'm sorry you lost your daughter," he whispers. Nick starts to sing a song. I think it was a declination of Latin verbs. It didn't really matter, because obviously in their family it served as a lullaby. I could tell this was something Nick or Nick's wife had song to his daughter, and that that daughter had song to Daniel. They stayed that way until the waffles arrived. Then Daniel sat down and ate the whole plate. From the conversation I'd had with his other foster parents this had to be the first full meal he'd eaten since his parents had died.

"When does your plane leave, Nick?" I asked as we got close to finishing our meal.

"Tomorrow," he says.

I grin. "Great, because I have a brand new baseball and a couple of gloves and I've never played catch. Can you help me, Nick?" I asked.

He grins, "What do you say Danny want to play baseball with your Grandpa?"

Daniel mouths the word "Grandpa". Nick nods his head. Daniel says, "Yes, Grandpa," and for one millisecond there is light in Danny's eyes. Those eyes were amazing when they are happy.

There was still a month left of summer vacation. It was vacation for Danny, who had never actually been to school before (having spent his childhood in Greece, Pakistan, and Egypt). And it was vacation for me, who had no archeology classes to teach, but only my research to do. For that I could take Danny with me. Less for him to adjust to. He'd sit in my office as I worked reading a book or translating hieroglyphics, he was quite determined to learn Copic before summer ended.

Sometimes he would sit on my lap and do my work with me. Daniel was a genius. He speaks four languages, and reads seven. He had a good background of the history of almost any culture. But his real strength was his striking ability to think outside of the box. His new way of looking at things could cause him to solve some problem I'd been working on for weeks in a single moment.

Of course I never should have showed Danny the research on the artifact. It was after all kinds of classified. But it was my father's notes. I wanted Danny to know the man who would have been his grandfather. And I always felt the closest to my father when I was reading notes he'd written with his own hand. Besides all that: it was my father's life work, my life work, and I wanted it to be my son's life work as well.

"There is something missing," he said.

"How do you know that?" I asked kissing his forehead.

"In the last notebook he was talking about you as a teenager. In this one you already graduated college, and were typing his notes for him on the weekends."

I was pondering this when he asked, "Who is Ernest?"

"I forgot that would be in there Danny," I said meanwhile wondering why Ernest wasn't in there more. After all Ernest worked with my father for years. After all Ernest's death is what forced my father to abandon his research in the first place.

"Who is he?" Daniel repeats.

"He's a man I almost married," I say. Danny turns to me with questions in those big blue eyes. "He died, Danny." He wraps his little arms around me and offers his comfort. As I rock him I make a mental list of people to contact for my father's missing notes.

I'd fooled myself into thinking that Daniel was doing better. I mean really better. The nightmares were growing infrequent, and less intense. He was smiling more, and crying less. I really thought Daniel was getting better. I was in for a surprise.

I left my office to drop off a few papers with the secretary of the department. One of my colleges asked me to come look at something in his office. Daniel must have left my office looking for me, and couldn't find me. I came running when I heard him screaming, "!"

When I rounded the corner my own heart stopped, because Daniel was not breathing. I don't know if you've ever seen someone having a panic attach. I never had. But if you've seen a heart attack or the reaction of someone who is allergic to bees it is pretty much the same thing. He's standing there fighting for his breath, and I have no idea why. I start to panic, because I'm sure Daniel is dying.

There is a hospital a few blocks from the university, so I figure if I take him there myself it will be faster than waiting for an ambulance. I scoop him up and run. I'm almost down the last flight of stairs before I hear him start breathing hard and fast. I set him down and look at him.

"Are you ok Danny?" I ask uncertainly.

He nods and starts crying, burring his head in shoulder, "I thought you were gone like my parents."

"It's ok, Danny, I'm here, I'm here," I say holding him and rocking him back and forth. But my stomach feels all tight, because I know it isn't ok. Danny needs more help than I can give him.

"Dr. Livingstoon," I address the young man, "Daniel was very nervous about coming to see you. I hope it is alright that I promised to stay with him for the first session. Most of his problem is separating from me, and it just seemed like new thing, and doing it without me was a bit much for the first day."

"Quite alright Dr. Langford, quite alright." But the psychologist is giving me a dirty look as Danny climbes into my lap. "Danny, why don't you sit next to me?" I ask.

He furrows his brow at me.

"You didn't do anything wrong Danny, but we came here to help you be ok when I'm not around. We might as well start with a little step."

He nods.

"Does Catherine often read your mind Danny?" Dr. Livingston asks with a smile.

"Often, but not always," Danny replies.

"Tell me about a time when she couldn't read your mind," he says.

He glances at me, and I nod giving permission, "I don't know why she thinks I'm a baby."

"Danny, I don't think you're a baby," I say looking at him confused.

"But you called me baby, Catherine," he says exasperated.

"Oh, Danny, I don't mean it like that. " What did I mean when I said that? "I just mean," Baby-a possessive word, "I just mean that I love you. That you are mine."

"But I'm not really yours Catherine." This kid could break my heart like none other. I lift up his chin so those bright eyes are looking into mine. He needs to hear this, "Danny, you do know I want you right? That I am doing everything I can to make you mine forever and for always? But this takes time."

He's confused. So I keep explaining.

"Danny, you remember when we first met and you didn't understand why you couldn't take me home. I told you they had to make sure I was a good person before they let you come home with me," he nods, "it's like that except they want to make sure I'm the right family for you forever. You just have to wait," I said smoothing his hair.

"Then you can promise forever?" he asks.

I'm about to says yes, but Dr. Livenstoon breaks in, "Daniel, she can't promise that. Your parents didn't choose to leave you. They wanted to stay with you. They loved you. All Catherine can give you is 'for as long as I'm able'." Daniel is sobbing, clinging, and I'm calming him down.

"Danny, b…" No, I can't call him baby anymore, "I'm here Danny. I'm here."


	2. Family Ties

Chapter 2: Family ties

Daniel's POV

1974 New York

There is a place I go when the teacher talks about things I've known for years. I go there at recess when the kids play the game where they think I'm invisible, and they look right through me. I go there when Catherine drops me off at school and drives away and I fell my chest get all tight, and I have to fight a breath down into myself. I go there when I wake from a nightmare in which my sleep paralyzed lungs prevented me from waking Catherine, and so I lay in the dark-alone.

This place I go to, it's a good one, one where my parent's never died. Where I still have Catherine, and she still has Ernest, and her own parents. It's a place full of books, a warm Egypt sand, and family, and love.

Sometimes I wish it as real. But my daily life isn't so bad. I hate math class of course. I've always hated math and Mom and Dad never pushed it that much. Plus Catherine made sure I went into the fourth grade instead of the third.

Recess is worse-I'm the weird kid who sometimes has to mutter in Arabic to figure out what they are saying. Also, I've never played spots before. Any sports, and that appears to be a big part of recess, and social bounding in this culture.

But after school Catherine picks me up and takes me to a place almost as good as the one in my head where I go when the bad times come-her office. It's got everything-ancient artifacts, old books, languages. I love language, it's like cracking into the brain of other cultures to read them. If you translate the languages literally it always comes out sounding like poetry. Every language is full of worn out metaphors native speakers have stopped taking literally generations ago. But when you go from one to another, you resuscitate some analogy of a long dead language innovator who no one probably ever knew the name of. It's like magic.

Catherine's late to pick me up. One minute late, I tell myself. She's still coming. But once a panic attach starts you can't make it go away with logic. I'm suddenly sure she's dead, or in some sort of trouble she needs my help with, or someone is keeping her from me. My chest gets all tight and I concentrate on forcing the air into my lungs.

"You are strong, you are smart, you are beautiful, and you are good." I repeat to myself in English, Arabic, Greek (Coptic, and Classical), Latin, and Africanize. By the time I'm done I can breathe again and Catherine is here.

She asks me if I had any panic attacks today. I lie. Because this time no one screamed, or cried, or took me to the school nurse, so I figure I'm doing better.

"I've got a surprise for you," she says. She isn't driving to her office, or home, or the park, or anywhere I recognize.

"What?" I say.

She glances at me and she must of heard worry in my voice because she says, "You'd rather it wasn't as surprise?"

Dr. Livingston says she's not supposed to read my mind anymore. She's supposed to force me to talk for myself. But sometimes, I'm lucky and she forgets.

"Daniel Jackson, the paperwork has come through," her grin is widening, "We are going to see a judge, and today I'm going to adopt you. By the time you go to bed tonight you will be," she makes a fake trumpet sound, "Daniel Langford, my son."

I hug her and I'm happy. Because it's home. And family. And I love you. And forever.

But also not happy. Because I wouldn't be Daniel Jackson ever again. Because if feels like I'm losing something, and erasing something, and it makes my stomach hurt for my parents. And because I'm really not sure I can call her Mom without seeing-my Mom.

But I can't let Catherine know. Because it would hurt her. She'd think I didn't want her. But I do what her, I need her. So I say, "Elnika," It's Greek for mother. The only word I know for Mom that I never used on my own mother. It's the best I can do. She pulls me away and smiles at me.

"You don't have to do that, Daniel. You certainly can. But you can keep calling me Catherine," she smiles at me, "It doesn't hurt," and her eyes are honest, so I think I will. "They were you parents Daniel, there are some parts of you that will always be theirs. I'm ok with that."

Were. They were. She is. "It's ok, Mother."

She nods, "Thank you Daniel _Jackson_ Langford." And if feels better-a little.

But the real surprise of the evening was when we got home. Sitting on our front step was a box so big it took both of us to drag it inside. Catherine was scandalized, because it had "classified" stamped all over it, and it was sitting out in the hall. We drag it inside, and it's filled with notebooks and tapes.

"Huh!" she says, "I guess we found my father's missing research."

My fingers brush against a word written on a tape, "Ernest.

"You want to see them, Ernest and my father?" she asks. I nod. She pops in the tape I was touching, and there he is-the man my mother loved.

I don't know what my mother thought she knew about Ernest's death, but I could tell she'd been misinformed. The screen shows the artifact lighting up and Ernest in a spacesuit walking through the glowing puddle of water. And disappearing.

I look at Catherine and I have no idea what she's thinking.

"Catherine," I say. I wish I knew all the things to say to comfort her.

"No explosion," she says rewinding the tape to watch the horror again.

I'm not quite sure what happened to Ernest, but I've finally thought up a comforting thought, "It would hurt less than an explosion," I say.

"I'm not even sure he's dead, Daniel," she says in a shocked voice. "He could still be alive."

I'm not sure how she is missing this so I tell her carefully, "He disappeared, Catherine."

"It's called a Doorway to Heaven, Daniel. Maybe it take him somewhere, somewhere safe."

She rewinds it and watches it a few more times, and I have an idea. "Mom," every time I call her that she grins, "What do you think would happen if we made the artifact do that again. I mean turned to the same symbols with it plugged in the same way, and all of that?"

She hugs me and gets a piece of paper. We spend the next couple hours watching the man my mother loved disappear again and again as we map out a way to find him.

1974 Heliopolis

Ernest's POV

I heard her voice. But this wasn't a surprise. I'd heard Catherine's voice for 28 years, since I first arrived on this planet. At first I'd been terrified I was going crazy. But I stopped worrying about that a long time ago. If you are going to spend the rest of your life alone crazy might even be preferable to sane.

"Ernest, Ernest, If you are there you have to answer me," her voice sounded really frantic, and that was different.

"Yes, what do you want?" I say walking toward it. Strange, it seemed to becoming from the chamber that contained the artifact. Catherine hated that room.

"Oh, my God, Ernest is alive," the voice sounds surprised, and old. Catherine has remained 21, but this voice sounds older. But things are getting stranger. I turn the corner and the first thing I notice is the artifact is lit up. I've never hallucinated that before. The second thing I notice is the radio.

"Ernest, you sound week." She says, "We're sending supplies through. I'm sorry we haven't found a way to get you home yet. We're still working on it, but we'll send up supplies for now."

"Are you real?" I ask her.

Her voice sounds a little offended, and a lot surprised, "Yes, Ernest, I'm talking to do you through the artifact. We finally found you."

"You found me long ago," I tell her shaking my head. Suddenly a bag flies out of the artifact.

"At least eat the food Ernest," she says sounding concerned.

I open it up, "Your famous cookies, Catherine?" I ask.

"Yes," she says.

I take a bite. They are every bit as amazing as I remember, "I hope you are real Catherine, because hallucinations this real would be scary."

"I'm real Ernest," she says.

"What took so long?" and I'm crying.

"I'm sorry Ernest. I'm so sorry. My dad told me you were dead. I would have been looking for you if I knew the truth. I'm so sorry I can't get you home yet, but we will find away."

"Twenty-eight years Catherine," I says, "cookies and conversation are enough of a miracle for today." If this Catherine is real I'll have to make the apology again, no matter, I've had enough practice. "Catherine, I'm sorry I didn't tell you what I was planning. They wouldn't let me, but I still should have. I should have told you, and you would have said no, and we could have been happy. I'm so sorry."

"Ernest, we're going to get you home," she says. This is a good sign. She doesn't forgive me. When I hallucinate Catherine she always forgives me right away.

"How did you find me?" I ask.

"It wasn't really me. He noticed my father's notes were missing some parts. I requested them, and they came with video. When we saw the video of what happened he saw the symbols and from there we figured out a way to dial. But it looks like you can only send things through from dialer to dialed. We have to figure out a way for it to work backwards."

Who was he? Not that Catherine didn't have a right to move on. Twenty-eight years. But still, I'd hoped. I mean Odysseus was gone forty and Penelope was still waiting for him. I didn't expect it, just sort of hoped. I'd spent my life in solitude. I was just glad I was the only one.

"Ernest, are there other people there?" she asks.

"I walked five days in every direction, there is no one," I say.

"You've been there all this time alone?" she asks.

"Yes," I don't want to use my voice much anymore. It sounds loud and echoy. It has been a long time since I used it.

"Ernest, I'm going to talk to you for a while, but we think this thing will turn off by itself. But I'm going to call back, you aren't alone anymore. Do you understand? I nod.

"Ernest, tell me about this place you live," she says, and I do.

1974 Colorado Springs

Catherine's POV

Well the military is excited. They moved the artifact to Cheyenne Mountain, a large facility for further research. We followed it. A way to get to a deserted planet isn't exactly what the military hoped the artifact was. They were rooting for weapon. But already they are foaming at the mouth at the possibilities. An off world base, in case humans ever do self disrupt, science exploration, the possibility of going to a lot of other planets. That one only if Ernest theory about it going lots of places is correct.

Me, the only thing I get excited about is my daily 38 minute chats with Ernest, that and the day I can tell him we have a way home.

Right now I'm standing in front of my jewelry box. I'm thinking about how unusual it is. Every piece is made from something my father or I found at a dig. All of them except one. That is the engagement ring Ernest bought me. But even that is Egyptian, just not Egyptian that I found.

I wore that ring for a decade after he disappeared even though it broke my heart every time I looked at it. I run my fingers over it. I wonder if wearing it again would be presumptuous. I haven't stopped loving him. But maybe he has, even alone.

I finally slip it on my finger. Worse comes to worse I'll take it off when he tells me to. When he is safe at home.

Ernest's POV

1974 Heliopolis

"Ernest," her voice is excited this morning, "Describe the drawings on your doorway," I do, 'He was right!" She explains. "Ernest, your doorway has only one symbol ours doesn't. I'm sure we could get you home now, but…"

"What is it Catherine?" I ask.

"You'll need people to help you turn it. It's too big a job for one person. I hope I can get a team to volunteer," She pauses, I can hear stress in her voice, "Ernest, I wouldn't be volunteering."

"I wouldn't want you to take the risk, Catherine," I say.

"I'd do it in a heartbeat, but he depends on me."

My heart aches and I wish I hadn't put the camera back on myself. I wish also I could look at Catherine's face as she tells me.

"I want you to meet someone Ernest," she says.

Was she serious?

"Hello, Ernest," the voice sounds like a kid's.

"Ernest, this is my son, Daniel Jackson." So she has a son. Jackson…I don't remember any Jacksons, but that was twenty-eight years ago.

"Nahuh, I'm Daniel Langford now, remember," he protests.

Langford? But how?

"Ernest," the little kid says, "Take pictures of the walls of that room. I snuck a camera in when Mom put the cookies in. You have to get kind of close. Have you taken pictures for people to translate from before? You have to make sure the pictures overlap so you don't lose you place."

"Daniel," Catherine scolds, "Don't talk about the place. Say something friendly."

"Danny, how old are you?" I ask.

"Eight and a half," he replies, than he adds, "kids call you weird if you get more specific. But you are a grown-up so it's probably ok to tell you I'm actually only eight years and five months old."

"And you were the one who figured out there were missing notes, and to look at the Doorway for the missing symbol?"

"Yep, only I think Mom translated 'doorway' wrong, it's in kind of the hieroglyphics she's worse at. I'm pretty sure it actually says Stargate."

"Catherine," I say, "I was thinking it was your husband that was helping you figure out these things."

I hear a gasp from her, and a laugh from Danny. "How could she be married, she's engaged to you."

There is an awkward silence. "Daniel, go play in my office. I say play mind you, not translate," she calls after him, "I'm sorry Ernest. I know we haven't talked about it, and twenty-eight years is…"

"I thought you had a life, Catherine," I tell her trying to keep at least some of the emotions out of my voice.

"I do, but just my adopted son, and work," I say.

"Didn't want you to be alone."

"But your glad I am?" she asks.

"Yes," I confess, and her breathing catches, and I really wish I could see her face, "But 28 years Catherine, how could you not find anyone better?"

"No one better than you Ernest, listen, we'll send people through to get you," she says.

"No, don't risk anyone. We'll figure this out. Pulleys or something. Send the address, and something to generate the power, I'll start working on this end."

"Ok, Ernest, we'll try it your way first," she says.

"Quite a brain on that kid of yours," I say.

"Yeah, he's a genius. But I worry about him. He doesn't make friends easy. He doesn't know how to have friends, to play, have fun. He's so series. Sometimes I wish I knew if he was always like that or it it's just since his parent's death."

"When did they die?" I ask.

"Four months ago. He saw there, deaths, pretty violent."

"Shit!" I pause, "Catherine? Did it bring back memories of your Mom?" I ask with concern.

"Some," she answers with a sigh, "But that helped." I really want to get back to Catherine, and…was it too call him "our" son?

Catherine's POV

1974 Colorado Springs

It was just one of those days. The alarm shatters a good dream. The coffee maker gets stubborn and leaves grounds in my cup. Daniel is so slow I have to yell at him, three times. I hate myself when I yell at Daniel. Then there is traffic. When we finally get to the school I see some boy shove Daniel as they head in the door. I debate what kind of a mom I'm going to be-for about ten seconds. Then I get out and defend my baby cub.

So by the time I get to work I'm crabby, ashamed, and very late. I walk into my office-and-there-he-is.

"Ernest?" I ask and he's hugging me.

"Are you real? Are you real?" he sobs as he keeps hugging me. I can't imagine-28 years without touching another human being. I rub my hand across his back, touching him, holding him close.

"How did you get here Ernest?" I ask.

"A few days of working with simple machines, and I had it," he replies.

"You saved yourself," I say.

He laughs, "With a little help from you and your genius kid. Now I brought what I could, but they are going to have to go back for the pedestal. I laid out the pictures that Daniel asked for…"

"Ernest, this is your first day back on earth you should not be working."

"What else am I going to do?" he asks puzzled.

"Come home," I say.

He looks at me, genuinely confused, "I don't have a home, Catherine."

"Ernest, when we found out you were alive. Daniel and I set up the guest room for you. But the paperwork through, got you legally declared alive. We got ready for you."

He shakes his head, "We're not married, yet."

"You can't live by yourself Ernest. You've been gone twenty-eight years. A lot has changed. If you want you can stay on base, but you should really come home with me."

"You have a son, Catherine," he says shaking his head even harder.

"Nothing fishy is going to happen. Danny is fine with it. You can adjust and then when we get married you'll just be moving across the hall instead of across town." He shakes his head, "Ok, Ernest, come home with me for now. If you want I'll drive you back at the end of the day."

"Why should we go to your house, there is a whole world to adjust to."

"There will be plenty of things to adjust to just in the house, but we can go out this afternoon if you want."

So I spent the day introducing Ernest to household appliances and fixtures he hadn't used in three decades (or never). Then I showed him the TV which cause such a sensory overload he took a nap. During our lunch he looks over at me, and says, "All the time I was imagining you unchanged and you were changing.

"You were changing to Ernest," I say, but she shakes his head.

That afternoon he's falling in love with rock music when I tell him, "I've got to go pick up Daniel.

"I'll come," he says.

Daniel doesn't smile very often. But when he sees Ernest he grins, and runs. Ernest jumps out of the car and catches Daniel as he flings himself through the air at him.

"Ernest!" he exclaims.

"I got you buddy," Ernest says.

"You came home," Daniel says surprised.

"Yeah, you saved me," he says spinning Daniel around.

"No, I didn't," Daniel says giggling.

"Sure did, genius boy," Ernest says setting his feet on the ground and opening the car door for him.

"Did mom show you your room," he asks bouncing on the seats.

"Yeah, Danny, but I can't live with you." Danny's face fall, and I'm panicking. I see rejection and abandonment, and all the things I've tried to shield Danny from. He doesn't get that this isn't about him.

"But Mom says you would get married," and he looks at me. I know exactly what he's thinking-the time I told him to stand up and demand love if people didn't just give it to him.

"We will Danny," Ernest says intertwining my fingers with his, "but we aren't married yet."

"But we made a room for you. I helped her pick it out. You could tuck me in Ernest. You could eat pancakes for breakfast. Mom makes good pancakes. I could help you with your research."

"We will do all of those things, Danny, but why don't we start with catch," Ernest says calmly.

"Mom," he says in a firm voice, "You going to let him break up this family?"

Ernest is laughing, but I can tell by the look in his eye that he knows it's serious to, "Catherine, can I talk to you out of the car for a moment?" he asks. I oblige.

"I'm legally alive right?" he asks. I nod, "Ok, so I think three decades is a long enough engagement."

"Ernest, we are not getting married to stop Danny's tantrum."

"Ok," he says running a finger down my cheek, "Then let's get married, because I'm in love with you. Because I want to be with you forever. Because I want that kid to know I'll always be with him. Because I don't want to wait any longer to say I do."

"God, Ernest," I mutter, "When I came out here I honestly believed there was no way that you were going to win this argument. But I love you forever to, let's get married," and I give him a kiss.

We get back into the car, and my stomach is doing flips of excitement.

"Danny, Ernest and I are getting married," I tell him.

He rolls his eyes, "I know Mom," he says.

"She means now," Ernest says. Suddenly Danny is crawling over the seat and is in our laps.

1976 Abydos

Ernest's POV

I honestly thought I would never be going through the gate again. I thought I would spend the rest of my life happily translating the "meaning of life stuff" and Daniel insists on calling it. That and coming home to my wife and son every night made me a pretty happy camper.

But I'm the leading expert on the gate. The team that is working with the computers has started "random dialing," which has everyone excited, but looks a lot like what we almost failed at thirty years ago. Except with giant computers generating the guesses at a rate of one per day. No the real reason we got another lock is my son, the genius.

Most people thought the symbols were a combination lock. I'd been telling them they were coordinates. Daniel takes my idea and builds on it. They are coordinates, and they are constellations. That and his transition of the cover stone they found it with, and they have a lock. So they send a camera through to this new place. Brilliant temple, and no people around. Probably just like Heliopolis.

When they first ask me I say no. Then I think saying no without talking to her is probably as bad as saying yes without talking to her. So I talk to her. And. She. Tells. Me. To. Go. (After she checks my work to make sure the return address is correct).

We talk about it, argue it out. And in the end I do go. Because I can read more of the four alien languages than anyone else on the planet (with the possible exception of my wife and son, neither of whom are going through the gate on my watch).

I'm here now, and it is not what I expected. There are people. Friendly people, who keep warning us about some devil from their mythology. Our ancient Egypt expert took months of two day trips to translate what they are saying. After he broke the code, I picked up on it pretty fast-Danny taught my hieroglyphics.

But I don't think much of their demon. But one night we are all sitting around the campfire. A little girl comes up to me, she must be about Daniel's age, and I think she belongs to the leader.

"You don't believe in Ra?" she asks, whispering a word I've figured out is forbidden.

I shake my head.

"He doesn't come often, but when he comes….he took my mother," she says soft eyes focused on mine. I look at her. A little traumatized kid. I can't not believe her. Ra, a demon that steals bodies from souls, must be real.


	3. Poker Chip

Pawn

A/N: The spelling of Sha'uri/Sha're and Daniel/Dan'yel's names are on purpose. I'm going with the fact that neither Sha'uri nor Daniel pronounce each other's name properly.

Sha'uri POV

1985 Abydos

Good father has never allowed me to stay up for the games before. Though it has been some moons since I reached my nineteenth year he has always sent me to bed with younger children. He may have forced an alliance between these people and ours, but he does not want his daughter to see them sip our potent liquor and play our games of chance.

Good father lays the wooden game of Hound and Jackal's on the floor between himself and the visitor. Good father is nervous about something. I can tell by the way he's fingering the five jackal pieces. Good father always chooses the hounds.

"Choose peace, my daughter," he says. But everyone knows the fierce jackals are supposed to be good luck. My father thinks he needs luck. I don't know why, and it worries me.

"Wager?" the visitor from other worlds says. The man speaks our language far better then my father speaks his. But my father insists on dealing with these men in their native tongue. "It's the only way we'll ever master their language. Only way we'll ever be their equals," he insists.

"This," my father says indicating me with his arm. My breath catches in my throat. I cling more tightly to the tablet I have been using to teach the children. Years ago teaching others to read would have been punished by death. But these people have taught us not to fear. To read with courage.

What I don't tell anyone, is that I am still afraid, still very afraid. I cannot afford to act on my terror, I am the daughter of the chief. The princess of our nation. I cannot flinch, I must lead. I am terrified of the demons. Terrified they will return, find me teaching, and punish me by taking possession of me like they did to my mother. But none the less I teach.

Today I am not a princess, not a teacher. Today I am a bet.

The stranger smiles at me. Looks at the tablet I hold, studying it for a moment. Then his eyes lift to mine. Bright crystal blue eyes met mine, and my heart flipped. Good thing since, I might have to marry him.

"Your wad-air?" Father asks.

The man smiles at him, "Wager," he repeats. Then he lays next to the board a bag of medical supplies. This is the most valuable thing the strangers can give us, besides our courage. But I still resent being wagered for the contents of a bag.

My father looks at him, "mo'r," he replies.

"You want more?" The stranger says. "Uh…this one is important?" he asks, pointing to me.

"Very impo'and, it mine," he says.

The stranger slides the two ends of a small folded piece of paper between his fingers, and lays it next to the medicine bag. "A peaceful world willing to trade," he says, his eyes never leaving my father's.

A gate address. I feel valuable.

My father turns his head slightly to the right and the left.

The man draws out one more slip of paper and twists it between his fingers, before he lays it on the table.

My father drops the hounds into this man's hands. The wager is accepted. The man takes the bones and shakes them in his hand. It's a good throw. I suddenly realize I'm not sure who I am hoping will win.

The game continues. My father's brow is furrowed in concentration. But this man has the better strategy. That and he must be the luckiest man I've ever seen. He hits every slide toward the center, and misses every fall away. Each roll is high, and his hounds made rapid progress. He finishes the game before my father has more than two jackals home.

My father holds my hand, "Sha'uri, good daughter, my love, may the gods bless your marriage. May your sons be as plentiful as the sands of the desert, and as worthy as the pyramids themselves," he says.

I bow my forehead down to touch his, "Good father, my the gods bless you forever more," I say.

When I turn my husband is already gone. Women come to me, giggling over the wedding of their princess. They adorn me in a new dress, and lead me to his tent. I part the flaps just as the last of the foot washers depart.

"No thank you I'm clean," he mutters in our language not looking up.

"I'm not here for that," I say.

"Oh, it's you," he says still in Abydonian, looking up and giving an easy smile. "What is your name?" he asks.

"Sha'uri," I say.

"I'm Daniel Littlefield," he says, "Do you know what happened to the tablet?"

Why would he care about some Abydonian proverbs? Most likely he is just nervous. You're supposed to be nervous on your wedding night right? I am. He's probably just talking to talk. I start to slip the dress from my shoulders.

He jumps up, flying toward me. My heart skips in dread…and excitement.

He takes the part of my dress that has slipped down and pulls it back up. He flashes me a nervous smile. "What are you doing Sha're?" he asks. Our native tongue sounds strange on his lips. Ours is a beautiful language, his is a clumsy one. When he talks it is like his tongue is an Mastadge, trying to dance. Still, he speaks Abydonian far better than I speak English.

"Husband, I…"

But I don't get any further. As soon as he hears the word husband he stops touching my shoulders like they are made of fire. He takes a few steps back and looks at me with huge eyes.

"Husband?" he squawks in his native tongue, "Married?" he repeats in my sweet one.

I nod. Unsure why he is confused, "You won the game, Dan'yel," I explain.

"You were the wager?" he asks, "I thought I was playing for the tablet."

"The tablet?" I ask in horror, "The tablet is a child's school book of Abydonian proverbs!"

He plops down on the bed, and runs his hands over his face pushing his glasses, another gift his people gave ours, to the top of his head. For a long moment there is silence in the tent. Silence and despair.

Then I hear his voice ask quietly, "If I were to send you back it would mean shame, would it not, good Sha're?"

He masters our language better than any of the strangers ever have. But still he does not know. We do not call each other good Sha'uri or good Dan'yel. It is only good mother or good wife or good daughter. Good and then title. But what title will he call me by? What am I to him?

I forgot to answer him, and those blue eyes lock into mine, "I'm not going to do that to you Sha're." He says my name differently than anyone has ever said my name before. I like the sound of it on his clumsy lips.

"What are you going to do with me?" I ask.

"What are you hoping for Sha're?" he asks.

I shrug. I don't have a choice, so what is the point of hoping.

"No one has ever asked you what you wanted before have they?" he asks. I don't really understand this question, "On my planet, everyone, male, female they get choices. They get to pick who they are. If you come with me you can choose too," he says.

That may be true. Perhaps this is the way to choices. But it in itself is not a choice. I had to go where my husband was or face unbearable shame.

He knows this. He turned toward me, "Sha're, this will be the last time someone decides your life for you. I wish I could let you make this choice. But all I can do is choose choices for you. Come with me?"

It sounds like a question. He wants it to be a question. But we both know it isn't one, so I don't bother to answer.

He paces in a large circle. "But I can't be your husband."

Oh, he got married by accident. Maybe he's already married.

"Who is she?" I asked.

He turns to look at me, "That's not the reason, Sha're. My people, don't marry people they don't know."

I nod. "Our people are different."

He smiles, "They are. We can learn of each other's words. Your English is pretty good, that will help."

"I teach it to the children," I say.

"You're a teacher?" he says with soft eyes, "You teach them to read?"

I nod.

"Then you are brave," he says. He knew things about me I'd never even whispered to the wind. "Then man who bet you?" he asks suddenly with a brow creased in worry.

"Good father," I say.

He snorts, "Nothing good about a man who uses his own daughter as a poker chip."

"Poker chip?" I ask. These are not words I recognize. He is speaking in our language, but these words were inserted from his own.

"A…uh…kind of currency," he murmurs.

My stomach is twisted in knots. Until now I had not thought about how I would be going to the place he lived. We did not know much about the land of the strangers. "Tell me about the place you live," I say, "The place I will live."

He smiles, "Earth is…a big place. Egypt, where I grew up isn't much different from here. If you want to live there…"

"What about where you live?" I ask.

"Mmm…well there is a lot more water there. More plants. Lots of people. Cities, but not cities like this…there is technology. Uh, cars-these things of metal that move when you push buttons," I have no idea about anything he said after cities, but I'm trying to pretend I understand, "lots of machines, do you understand machines?" he asks sensing my confusion. I shake my head. "You'll get used to it," he says, "Uh…we have chocolate," he reaches into a bag. He takes out something and removes a skin from it. He holds it out to me, "food," he says.

I bite into it, "Cho'cate?" I ask.

He nods.

"It's good," I say.

"Wait until you taste coffee," he says with a smile. Then he makes up two beds for us. On opposite sides of the tent.

"Goodnight good Sha're," he says.

I don't know what to call him. Husband to familiar, Dan'yel to cold, good Dan'yel to incorrect.

"Goodnight my Dan'yel," I say.

Catherine's POV

1985 Colorado Springs

"Mom," Daniel looks really worried. He walks into the control room and gives me a big hug. He's twenty, working on the stargate during that summer between his first and second year of grad school , "The good news is I followed your advice and didn't drink the moonshine," he says with a crocked smile.

"What _did_ you do?" He's so young, so stupid. Why did I let him go look at the cartouche with those immature airmen?

"Are off world marriages legal on earth?" he asks cringing.

"You got married?" I shout, causing the rest of the control room to stare at us. A few of them even snicker.

"Uh…by accident. I thought I was buying a rare tablet," he mummers.

"Buy?" An airman snorts, "He was gambling Catherine. Didn't you teach this boy any morals? Gambling for women, and he won himself a wife."

"That is not how it happens," his face is flush, "I was gambling, but I thought the wager was the tablet in her hands. I thought it might be useful," he says.

"Was it?" I ask.

"Uh, turns out it just has some proverbs on it," he murmurs.

Ok, time to get serious, "Daniel are you aware what would happen to a girl in Abadonian culture if…"

He cuts me off, "I brought her back Mom."

I nod my head, "That's for the best. Did you bring her back as your wife or…"

He cuts me off again, "No, we're just going to be friends. If we are legally married, it's probably best we stay that way until I finish school. She'll need a place to stay, and that way we can get a place together. Then from there we'll figure out what she wants. She's not exactly used to having choices."

"She could stay with your father and I," I say.

"Well, there is her first choice," he says with a smile. "Uh, I'll go down and bring her up, she's excited to meet you." He's halfway out the door before he turns around, "Call her good daughter," he says.

"You forget, young man," I start, but he's out of the door before I can finish with, "I've spoken Abydonian longer than you."

Daniel's POV

1985 Chicago

Her voice awakes me. The wordless song with which she greets the sun. All of Sha're's songs are wordless. But I know them by the sound. There is the song she is singing now, the one that comes from her throat as soon as she awakens. It is smooth and ripplely with snaps when she makes an Abydonian click with her tongue, as she snaps her blankets of her bed out above her head. She often tells me "my Dan'yel, when a woman is not singing, she is not working much either." That is something from the tablet she brought back with her, the one I thought I was betting on.

There is a song she sings when she scrubs. It goes back and forth as if the motion of her hands are wrenching it from her body. There is the song she sings when she sweeps or vacuums, it is light and airy and high. There is a song which she sings when she cooks. It sounds like the crackling of a fire.

I tell her she doesn't have to cook for me, but she always replies, "My Dan'yel who would not want to cook with a kitchen such as this!" Our kitchen is nothing extraordinary. We have a small two bedroom apartment a few blocks from the university. By small I mean that the bed in my room touches the wall on three sides, and Sha're's is only half again bigger. Our kitchen/living room/dining room/study amazes Sha're. She can't get over the sink, the stove, the oven, the toaster, the blender, and most of all, the microwave. The first few days she lived on earth, when we were still staying with my parents for the summer Sha're did nothing but boil water in the microwave.

I didn't have my own microwave. But when Sha're chose to live with me at the end of the summer when I went back to school, I bought one. Actually, I've been buying a great many kitchen gadgets, because each one makes her happy for a week. When Sha're is happy she sings a little tone obviously meant for dancing and clapping of hands.

The first thing I bought for Sha're, even before I helped her choose out American style clothing, was two books. One held a list of possible careers, and the other one a study guide for the GED. She devoured both books with intensity. Her desired profession is still to her a mystery.

"I have to get used to making choices, My Dan'yel," she tells me. It is true that Sha're is unused to making choices. She debates each one carefully. Which dress to wear, which spice to use, which book to read. Every day her hair is done in a new ridiculous fashion for a book of hairstyles she borrowed from the library twelve times before I bought her a copy of her very own. She likes to own things. To keep them.

Sha're had been a princess. She had never lacked anything she really needed. But her people were not wealthy, they had no means of mass production, and Sha're had owned few extra things. She hordes her books and clothes, and kitchen tools as if they were precious jewels.

Sometimes I wonder what she would think of real jewels.

I do know that Sha're hates the only jewelry in our apartment. We had been "married" for almost three months. It was a month after we found our apartment in Chicago and moved in. The eye of Ra, the necklace given me the day my parent's died by the woman who would be my mother slipped from under my shirt and caught her eye.

"Demon," She screams and runs into her room.

There are no locks in our apartment, but I had not been in Sha're's room since I carried in the bed. I knock. She ignores.

"I'm sorry this necklace offends you. I don't know why, Sha're. Tell me what I did wrong."

"You wear the eye of Ra," she says, "The mark of a servant of a demon. I married the servant of a demon!" She wails.

"Ra? The Egyptian sun god, Ra? Sha're I don't know anyone named Ra. My mom-Catherine, she found this necklace when she was a little girl, on earth. It is has nothing to do with those demons your people fear. Look, I won't wear it if it bothers you," I say. The necklace is dangling from my fingers.

She opens the door and looks into my eye, "You wear the mark of the demon who took my mother."

"Sha're," is all I can mutter.

"When I was a girl of five dry sessions, Ra landed his ship. He was coming to choose the ones who would become demons. He picked my mother," she points to the necklace in furry, "this is the mark of the demon who stole my mother!"

"Sha're," I say pulling her into a hug, "Sha're I'm so sorry about your mother."

"You don't work for the demon Ra?" she says uncertainly.

"No good Sha're, I most certainly don't. But your mother…people took her? She was kidnaped?"

"No, she was chosen by a demon," Sha're looks at me that way she has. When I'm not getting something from her culture, and she's thinking I'm particularly dense.

"Kidnaped by a demon," I say.

"No," she shakes her head, "Chosen, Dan'yel. Chosen! Don't you understand? The demon took another demon and put it in her neck. The demon stole her body."

"You mean like an alien entered her and killed her?" I ask. I know I shouldn't still be asking questions, but I really want to understand this.

"Not kills, possesses, worse than death. She's…still out there…or the body that used to house her is," she is talking slowly. The way she does when she's run out of English. When unique concepts are being walked through Abydonian before they slide into English like a ballerina putting on clogs.

"So it took over her body?" I ask.

"Yes," she said with frustration, "It dug into her neck, and took her over."

"My God Sha're," I say.

"Don't say god," she says softly, "and don't wear that necklace," she folds my hands around it.

"My parents died when I was eight," I say.

"I know your parents my Dan'yel," she says shaking her head.

"You know my adopted parents," I say, "My biological parents," I see the tiny flick of an eyebrow which means I've lost her.

"My real parents," I clarify, "a cover stone fell on him. They died."

"You were there?" she asks.

I nod.

"Makes it worse," she says. It breaks my heart how knowingly she says it.

"You saw the thing which choose your mother?" I ask.

She doesn't answer, she just bows her head in prayer, "I speak for one who can no longer speak for herself. She has spoken no lies, nor acted with deceit. By the trial of the Great Scales, her heart was light…her soul was been found true."

It is all that is left of the funeral prayer. Stripped of the Ra's, all that is left is truth.

"The songs I sing," she says softly, "Had words before I hated Ra."

Sha'uri's POV

1985 Chicago

Daniel says our apartment is small. I tell him it is larger than the tent in which I was raised. He apologizes for not giving me things. I tell him that since I meet her I own more than I ever have in my life. He says he leads a boring life. But he doesn't understand…Pens are amazing. I could spend days watching him write with a pen. Let alone a shower head. Will I someday grow so spoiled I am not in awe of a morning shower?

I am happy sitting across the table from the man who I do not call husband. We study together. I study earth history, and so does he, though differently of course. He plays me music, music which has words that talk not of the demons. No one here knows of the demons.

I am happy to make him food when he forgets to eat. Coffee when he wants to stay awake. Camellia tea when he needs to sleep, but does not know it. A massage of the temples when the low light and long hours give him a head ache. I love taking care of my Dan'yel.

But he says he is neglecting me, that someone like me deserves to get out of the house, and have some fun. We go sometimes to parties, and movies, and picnics. He tells me I should make friends, friends besides him. He says it with a worried face. So, I do, sometimes, go about alone on an alien planet while he is in class. After all, I am the princess who defied her god to teach children to read. He said that I was brave. I should not be scared of earthlings. Dan'yel is an earthling, after all.

That is how after all I met Jonas Hanson. He loved the way I called him, "Good friend." And more than once we went for a walk or a meal between his classes. One day he leaned close to me. Close enough I felt the need to increase the space between us. "Sha're where did Littlefield find you anyway?" he asks.

"Egypt," I reply. Easy enough to answer that way even though it wasn't the truth. It was as close to the truth as would be believed anyway.

"And what is going on with you two?" he asks.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Are you married?" he asks.

I let out a long sigh, "That's complicated."  
>"No it isn't," he laughs, "It's a yes or no question. There really aren't shades of gray on this one."<p>

"We got married in my culture, but he didn't know what he was doing," I say with a sigh.

"So, you're not together, you're available?" he asks with a smirk that I don't like. It twists something deep inside of me.

"Not really," I say, although I don't know if Dan'yel feels free to be involved with other women. We certainly do not have a true marriage.

"Well, it sounds ambiguous enough for me," he says pushing toward me and kissing me hard. His breath is foul. I pull away.

"No, Jonas, let's just be friends," I say taking a step back.

"No ring on your finger, you don't look taken," he says walking toward me once more.

Out of nowhere Dan'yel appears, he puts an arm around me, "She said no Jonas," he says quietly.

"Littlefield," Jonas mutters with a twist of his lip.

"Stay away from Sha're," Dan'yel says.

Jonas leaves, and Dan'yel's hand stays on the small of my back until he is out of sight. When he moves it I find that I miss his touch. "You ok, Sha're?" he asks earnestly.

I nod, "Yeah, thanks," I say.

We begin to walk back to the apartment, "Sha're do you want a ring?" he asks suddenly.

I search his eyes. I know enough about American culture to know what a ring means. But I don't know enough to know what Dan'yel means by the ring.

"I don't want a ring until it's real," I say carefully. Hoping he hears all the things I do not say. He looks away for a long moment.

"I hope you find that, good Sha're."

Daniel's POV

1986 Chicago

I'm not sure exactly when Sha're became an earthling, but I know the moment when I first knew it. Instead of a song one of her ancestor had written as an ode to the sun god for raising the sun she sings "Manic Monday" as she wakes. Instead of snapping the sheets and clicking her tongue in the holes where the name of a god she hates used to go she snaps the sheets to the words, "These are the day where you wish you bed is already made."

When she scrubs the floor she sings "Walk like an Egyptian," and giggles over the words until at last we are both dancing to it. Her vacuuming song is "Girls Just Want to Have Fun." And "Eye of the Tiger," comes from her mouth whenever she cooks. I miss the old songs sometimes, but I like the new Sha're.

Her English has become so good that her accent disappears all together when she wants it to. She leaves it when we are alone together partly because it takes to much effort to eradicate, and partly because she knows I love it. The only irreversible mark of her native tongue is the, "My Dan'yel," she still says. I hope that doesn't leave. I love the way she says my name.

Sha're likes to make decisions. She likes even more to change her mind. She's decided, firmly decided, on a thousand careers and lives. But for now she is still studying for her GED. She may have been a teacher on Abydos, but she could manage no more than a children's book in English when she first came. She knew only the math which you need for the market, and only the science which a smart person absorbs by living. Of course she knew nothing of Earth history, though Egypt's was familiar to her. But Sha're is quick, and she spends much time in her studying.

At first she wrote in Abydonian, and then she'd copy English over the top, merging the languages together. Now she writes in English. Once in a while she gets stuck. Then she scribbles the Abydonian word to form a border around her page until the English word comes to her.

Sha're loves to read. She reads everything. She loves Louisa May Alcott, Plato, Shel Silverstein, Danielle Steel, Stephen King, Orson Scott Card, Aldous Huxley. But it is only with Dr. Seuss and Shakespeare that she cannot help but read aloud. Sometimes she blushes and tries to whisper them. But if I gave her a smile, she'd stand and pace and read them aloud like a general giving orders.

Sha're is always beautiful, but she was most beautiful when her cheeks were flushed, her eyes lit up, and her mouth was moving. "My Dan'yel, these men can make me love even such a clumsy language as your own."

When she read like that I wish she would one day choose my ring. The ring she would only take when it was real. But it had to be her choice, and she had told me she would not choose me.

Sometimes I worry she isn't getting to comfortable here. Once a party she met a girl with a controlling boyfriend. Sha're had gifted the woman with an Abydonian proverb. One that was written on the tablet I thought I was betting on when I won her, "a woman will be twice bound when her chains feel comfortable." Are you chains comfortable my love? I will not be your prison guard, I love you too much.


	4. Homesick

Daniel's POV

Christmas 1986 Colorado Springs

I have known there is something wrong with Sha're a while. She looks happy when she knows eyes are upon her, but when she thinks that no one is watching her face settles in to gloom. I watch her carefully. It's Christmas. Not five hours ago she unwrapped enough kitchen gadgets that she should have been giddy for a week, but the gloom is already back.

She's looking at my parents. They are leaning in toward one another giggling over something. They are obviously very happy.

Sha're is homesick.

"Sha're could you help me in the kitchen?" I ask.

She nods. She's familiar enough with earth customs after a year and a half that she doesn't make a move to actually do anything when we arrive in the kitchen, she knows we're here to talk.

"You are sad," I say wanting so much to run my thumbnail over her cheek. She doesn't answer. No confirmation, no denial. "You are homesick," I say.

She looks at me for a long moment, and I can't figure out what is going on inside of her head. Then slowly she answers, "Yes." The cogs of her mind are still spinning

"Why don't you visit Abydos while we're here, by the gate," I say.

She takes a big breath, and her lips move in silent Abydonian. Although Sha're does not pray to her gods anymore she still prays, out of habit, to no one at all, "I can't go back to my planet alone. Married women do not travel alone," she says.

"Then I'll go with you," I say.

"But you would have to go with me as my husband, we would have to kiss, to sleep in the same tent, to pretend our marriage is real," she says still searching my eyes.

I hesitate, because I like this idea a little too much. The idea of playing house with Sha're…makes me happy. I'm a little concerned that when we come back, when we stop pretending I have everything I've ever wanted…I'll be the gloomy one. But in the end I'd rather be miserable than have Sha're be miserable, "We can do that," I say.

She grins, a real grin, and leans forward to give me a kiss on my cheek.

Sha'uri's POV

Christmas 1986 Colorado Springs

I stare at my Dan'yel's parents. They are so deliriously happy. I'm envious of them. I want my Dan'yel to giggle at what I say. I want him to look at me with those eyes. I want him to lean his head against mine just like that. I would give anything for that.

"Sha're would you help me the kitchen?" the object of my thoughts asks. This is nothing more than a culturally sanctioned lie. Why doesn't he just say, "Hey I want to talk to you about something I don't want my parents to hear,"? That's what we would do on Abydos, and it's not like he's fooling anyone.

"You are sad," he says when we are alone. I want to tell him, of course I'm sad you idiot, and you could make me oh so happy with a touch, with a word, with a look. "You are homesick," he continues. I suppose that is true after a fashion. I am homesick, but homesick for a home that I've never had.

"Why don't you visit Abydos while we're here, by the gate," he asks. Why not? Because what I want is on earth. But what if he came with me? What if I told a few lies, and got my real homesickness taken care of? What if for a few days we pretended I have everything I ever wanted?

In Abydonian I mouth the words, "May the lie not weigh down my heart, may my feather still be light. May I be forgiven the transgression."

I look him right in the eyes and begin my lie. "I can't go back to my planet alone. Married women do not travel alone."

"Then I'll go with you," he says. Always the knight in shining armor, my Dan'yel.

Then I begin to lay it on thick, "But you would have to go with me as my husband, we would have to kiss, to sleep in the same tent, to pretend our marriage is real."

He pauses for a long time. This was a horrible plan. He will say no. He can't stomach so much as pretending to be mine for a few days. It will crush me.

"We can do that," he says. I grin. It's a crazy choice. But I've discovered part of making choices is the right to make mistakes. This mistake is going to be worth it. I lean forward and give him a kiss on the cheek before heading back to the living room. I turn back at the door to see his hand rubbing the spot where my lies met his cheek, and a blush on his face. Oh my Dan'yel, if that makes you blush just wait until we get to Abydos.

Sha'uri's POV

Late December 1986 Colorado Springs/Abydos

The two of us are standing on the ramp in the gate room. Neither of us have been through the gate since I came back from Abydos, as I remember it, gate travel is a pretty intense experience. But that isn't the only reason that I reach out and grab my Dan'yel's hand.

"Did I mention that-what do you call them?-public displays of affection, are quite common, actually downright expected among the recently married in my culture?" A blush steals up his neck.

"This is your show Sha're," he says, "I'll follow your led."

Oh my Dan'yel, you will live to regret those words.

As soon as we are through the gate, which is to say as soon as we entered the gate, I see my father. I realize that this whole thing wasn't a lie. I really have missed him. Before I can even say a word. Dan'yel approaches him, "Good father, I have brought your daughter back to you for a time. A treasure such as her was meant to be shared, and not horded."

Of course, Dan'yel's people had known about mine since I was a small child. My Dan'yel's job was to study people of other cultures. Did I really think he wasn't going to look up how to properly relate with his fake in-laws? I just hope he didn't do enough research to find out I am lying about the whole public displays of affection thing.

"Good son, I bid you welcome, and I thank you for loaning back to me that which you were given," my father replies with the practiced words my people use in such circumstances. I wished he would leave out the next part though, "Do you return alone, or has my family grown?"

Dan'yel seems unphased by this, so he must have known it was coming, "That is a blessing we have yet to enjoy," he replies with a smile. I think of a proverb from Dan'yel's tablet, "A man who is ashamed to sleep with his wife with never be a father."

"Good father," I say, giving him a big hug. Then I turn to Ska'rra. I knew my brother would have been different when I returned. He's right at that age where a year a half makes a lot of difference. His body has gone from that of a boy to that of a man in a single year. But I can see by his face that his heart is still that of a child. I give him a hug, "Brother of my heart," I say. "Of my heart," is the one term of endearment we have above, "good". It's more than respect, it is love.

"Sha're," Dan'yel says, "I'm going to have another look at the cartouche if that is alright?" he says in English.

"Return soon," and then I decide to go for it all, since he will never know I'm not pretending, "Husband of my heart." I move toward him, and lean in for a kiss. But it is Dan'yel who first makes our lips meet, and quickly deepens the kiss. I had not expected the man to be that good of an actor, and I take back every thought I ever had about his clumsy tongue. That tongue of his may not be able to dance the Abydonian language, but it certainly had a charm all of its own.

When Dan'yel finally pulls away I think this may not have been such a good idea. It is one thing to miss something you've never had. It's even worse to miss something you did have, ever so briefly, and artificially. Because then you are knowing exactly what it could have been like. And it would have been amazing.

Daniel's POV

Late December 1986 Abydos

I knew I was playing with fire. But I didn't know exactly how much fire there would be. I knew I loved Sha're. I knew that kissing her would be good. I didn't know how good. Good thing the good old SGC has translated much of the cartouche, because after that kiss I'm not going to be getting much translating done tonight.

Tonight. Tonight is definitely going to be a problem considering we'll be sleeping in a guest tent. Which like my bedroom, has room for nothing but a bed. No couch, no floor, no escape from being inches from the woman who does not love me in return.

Here we are on her planet, the place without choices. None of her people have probably ever faced this torture. If they want a woman they buy her. None of them would understand how I'm preparing for a night of lying next to my wife wishing she loved me.

But Sha're has choices. And she didn't choose me.

Sha'uri's POV

Late December 1986 Abydos

When they call me Sha'uri, I almost forget to answer. I have been Sha're so long I have forgotten I once had another name. Sha'uri means trouble, so in truth I'm glad enough to shift my name away to another. Another which has no meaning except what I give it. Except what Dan'yel gives it. My homecoming is strange, because this place is no longer my home.

I help prepare the evening meal just as I have since girlhood. The other women begin their song. Some of them without words-like I used to. A few of them leaving out only the Ra's. But most singing the song just as they always have-a song off reverence to gods their people have rebelled against. I close my eyes, "And the last lone survivor stalks his bread in the night," I sing a grin crossing my face. I like the songs of Dan'yel's people better.

My Dan'yel plays the role of devoted husband well. Too well. His acting threatens to drive me crazy. Each kiss is…enough to drive all thought from my head. And there is kiss after kiss after kiss as the day wears on.

At last we are alone in our tent. I begin to remove my dress. Dan'yel turns away. I am left with my undergarments. Abydonian undergarments being quite covering. "You can look my Dan'yel," I say with a smile. He blushes, and turns to me. I slide into the bed. He follows still fully dressed save his shoes.

"Those clothes were not meant to be slept in," I tell him.

"I'm fine," he says.

"Dan'yel," I protest.

"Sha're, your people's underclothes for men do not cover nearly as much as those for women," he says in frustration.

"Dear Dan'yel, I have seen men in a loincloth before," I say with a smirk.

"Right, but you haven't been in a bed with them," he says.

"Take it off, Dan'yel," I say.

He grins, "Look at you! Last time we were here you were stripping, now you're trying to strip me. America had changed you Sha're." None the less he gets up and removes his garment. I see his chest for the first time, and try very hard not to stare.

The bed is pretty small. My people don't value space like American's do. Still Dan'yel is at the very edge of the bed. As far from as possible.

"Before we go to bed," I pause smirking, "They'll expect to hear some sounds."

He freezes, a look of horror on his face, "You're kidding right Sha're?"

I consider my options for a second before I reply, "Yeah, I'm just kidding."

We are just about asleep before I say, "Thank you for all of this, Dan'yel."

He opens his eyes and looks at me, "I would give you anything you wanted Sha're."

Anything but what I really want-him.

Daniel's POV

Late December 1986 Abydos

When I wake up I'm happier than I've ever been. At first I am not sure why. It could be some remnants of a dream left over. Then I realize this peaceful happy feeling is coming from what or rather who, I have in my arms. Namely the most beautiful girl on this planet or the next. We might have gone to sleep on separate sides of the bed, but that is not how we woke up. Her head is snuggled into my bare chest. One of my hands has snaked under her head to tangle in her curly hair. The other one is resting on the small of her back, pulling our bodies into close contact. One of her elbows is resting on my hip, the hand attached to it limp on my back. The other hand is caught between our two bodies. That hand's location is a bit north of way too far south. As soon as I realize this I have a biological imperative to extract myself from contact with Sha're before she wakes up.

Slowly I move away from her, replacing myself with my pillow, and she makes a sleepy protest, but doesn't wake up. I stand in the tiny bit of the room that is not filled with bed and calm down. Then, because I'm a gluten for punishment I look at her.

"Sha'uri," I whisper, "you certainly are trouble." Then I leave our tent, singing loudly, "Six o'clock already I was just in the middle of a dream. I was kissing…" but I leave it at that. The Bangles and I have different dreams, and that's enough for Sha're's wake up call.

Sha'uri's POV

March 1987 Chicago

I hate Sara Gardner. I know it's stupid, pointless, and petty. But I hate her. I watch from the window as they say goodnight. She's fawning all over him, and he's wearing that intense face that let me know he's still thinking about research. I think I would be less furious if he actually knew what was going on. But he's completely oblivious. Oh my Dan'yel.

I can't believe what is happening next, he's holding the door for her! He's bringing the slut home!

"Oh Daniel!" The tart exclaims as she enters OUR place. I notice she puts a slight accent on the last syllable of his name. It's a little like the way I say his name, though not much. I'll resent her for that too. "This must be your little accidental foreign wife!"

"You must be the mail order research assistant he failed to talk Dr. Jordan out of acquiring," I reply.

"That was before he met me," she says grinning at him, "I'll make you some tea," Sarah says sliding into the kitchen portion of our room.

"Actually he prefers coffee, and there aren't many who can get that espresso machine to make it just the way he likes it," I reply bee lining it for the counter.

"Alright, I'll stay and entertain Daniel," she says.

Damn it, lost round number one.

I was losing rounds all night actually. Sarah got the seat next to him on the couch. She managed to elicit laugh out of laugh out of him. She faked terror during a not-so-scary movie and ended up tucked under his arm giving me looks of cool satisfaction. I really hate Sarah Gardner.

I may have lost every battle, but it turns out I won the war. After three hours of wanting to slit the woman's throat she finally left. No sooner was the door shut then Dan'yel turns to me with anger in his face and says, "What the hell was that?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about," I said trying to make a hasty retreat to my room. I sooooo did not want to have to explain my actions to him. I had no right to fight for him. He wasn't mine.

"Why didn't you guys like one another?" he asks.

"Dan'yel you do know what she was doing right?" I ask. But I know he doesn't. He doesn't ever know when someone is hitting on him. He wouldn't know it unless someone walked up to him and said "Hi, I want to have your babies." Probably not even then.

"She was talking to a friend, watching a movie with a coworker and his—wife."

"She was laying claim, Dan'yel. Marking her territory. If she was a dog you'd be covered in her piss. If she were an astronaut she'd have a flag shoved up your ass. I should have just let her do it, but you didn't even know you were being claimed. You had a right to accept or decline annexation into her empire, and she wasn't giving you that," I said. Hey that sounded believable. I may not even have to say the truth. Which is good, because it would come out something like, "I'm as jealous as hell, and if you bring a girl home it might kill me."

His eyes are shinning and they meet mine, "You were defending me," he says.

"Don't get used to it," I say grumpily.

"My hero," he says sounding just like Olive Oyl in a Popeye cartoon.

"Next time I'll let the girl use you as a sent post, smart ass," I reply.

"Who is teaching you all these swear words?" he says in mock horror, "I thought spending time with me so much you'd end up with only the purest of English."

"Says the man who swears in six languages every time he stubs his toe," I reply.

"That _hurt_," he protests. Then he grows serious, "but thanks Sha're. I needed warning so I can tell Sarah she can go find another tree to pee on."

"Not interested?" I ask.

"Not in Sarah," he says. And all I've really accomplished is trading and enemy I know for the one I don't.

"I'll have to teach you to notice when women are crazy about you," I say.

"Like that happens very often," he says. It's happening right now you idiot, I think.

"More than you would think," I say with a grin. He looks at me, "You do know you are a very attractive man, right Daniel?"

"I'm a nerd," he says in disbelief.

"All that means is that you are sexy and smart," I reply.

"You were so innocent when I met you. What happened to you?" he says.

"You did, my Dan'yel. You did."

Daniel's POV

June 1988 Colorado Springs

When they called me in to translate for a Gou'ald they managed to capture I certainly wasn't expecting this. I knew my parents had seen her, I knew others had to, and I was a little surprised that I was the first one to make the connection.

"Good Ne'te," I said. Sha're had explained to me that you only said good title not good name. But since Sha're's mother's name actually meant mother, I figured I could get away with it.

"I know you not," she said in this weird voice. They'd told me these parasites made people's voice go all weird, but I still hadn't expected it. It made me jump.

"Uh, no you wouldn't, but your host would know my wife Sha'uri," I respond. I do know how to pronounce her name correctly now. I just choose not to do it.

For a second the Gou'ald has this face like alcoholics make when they have a drink in front of them. A sign of an inner battle. But after a few seconds it's gone, and her voice is cold as she replies, "Nothing of the host remains."

"Bull shit," I say. "You have a wonderful woman name Ne'te inside of you, and we want her back."

She grins, "You cannot get me out without killing the host."

"I seriously doubt that. We'll be returning that body to its original owner, and you will receive a slow death for your efforts."

"Vile human, I fear you not," she replies.

"I don't care what you fear, I just want you out of my mother-in-law," I reply quickly leaving the interrogation room.

Mom grabs me as I leave the room, "Hey Daniel, we brought you here to translate what that thing was saying. You apparently understood it alright, but you didn't do much by the way of translating. What's going on?"

"Remember when I told you Sha're's mother was taken by a Gou'ald?" I say. She nods. I point to the room. Her jaw drops.

"No," she mutters. But I can see her comparing the Sha're and the woman in the room in her memory, and she sees what I did.

"Did that thing admit to it?" she asks.

"No, she tried to tell me that there isn't anything left of whatever host she takes over, but I'm not buying it. Ne'te is in there. Where did you find her?"

Mom sighs, "We don't know much about these Gou'ald, but we have figure out there are really important ones called System Lords, and there are other's that work for them. Ptah is a one of these. More like a slave than a leader. Apparently Ptah did something to annoy Apophis, his master, and he was left alone on a planet that was not happy with the Gou'ald. Left to die. The people had been torturing him for a month before we showed up. They couldn't figure out why we'd want him, but were glad to hand him over."

"And why do we want him?" I say slowly, thinking I'm really going to hate the answer.

"Intelligence. We figured this thing could let us know something about this enemy," she says. I know my mother well enough to know when she is holding back.

"And," I say.

"They were thinking dissection," she whispers.

"And you were ok with that?" I say keeping my voice below a shout only through extreme effort.

"I didn't know we knew the host," she mutters.

"That is not an excuse, you knew there was a host. We have to try to free the host. We'd have to try to do it even if she was a stranger." I sat still for a while, and then I said softly, "Mom, I'm going to have to call Sha're."

"Do you really think she needs to see this?" Mom says.

"I think she deserves the choice to see this. It's her mother," I say.

"We might not be able to save her even if we try," Mom says.

"Well, at least then we can say we've tried. That is something I can live with. Dissecting my mother-in-law, not so much," I say.

"Mother-in-law?" Mom asks looking at me critically.

"That is a term for the mother of your wife," I mock explain.

"I know, but you and Sha're…I mean are you really married?" Mom asked.

"You know the situation, Mom," I say with a sigh.

"Yeah, I know what the situation was, but has it changed?" Mom asked.

"No," I say looking at the wall.

"But you want it to change?" she asks with a smile. I don't say anything, but she puts her arm around me, "My little boy is in love."

"Mom, Sha're…" I begin.

"Oh the girl will love you in time if she doesn't already. Alright, go call you wife," he says thumping my back, grinning like an idiot.

Sha're's POV

June 1988 Chicago

The phone rings. I know it is Daniel. He went back to his parent's house for some important thing with the Stargate. He's been gone four days, but it feels like a lifetime. I miss him.

"Sha're," he says, and there is something in his voice which terrifies me.

"What happened? Dad? Mom?" I say.

"Uh, not my parents, your mom," he says.

"What happened?"

"Um…they found her Sha're. She's not…I mean you know she's not herself right? She still has the demon the Gou'ald in her. But they have her here."

"You saw her?" she asks.

"Yeah, I um talked to her, Sha're. Or talked to the thing which took her over. I don't know if you want to see her," was he nuts? "I know you aren't a big fan of planes. If you want me to come there, and pick you up…" he says.

"Dan'yel that is sweet, but crazy. You are not coming across the country only to go back again. I'm perfectly capable of flying there by myself," I say, "Uh…what did you guys say to one another?"

"It wasn't her Sha're, she spat off some not so nice stuff. I uh, talked to her like she really was your mom. Called her good mother, talked about you. Said we'd going to free her," he says.

"And are they going to free her?" I ask.

There is a pause. A really long pause, "Honestly, Sha're, I don't know. I'm going to be fighting for it, Mom and Dad too. But even if they try it. We've never done something like this. I can't promise we'll get her back." I'm sobbing.

"Does she look good? I mean is she healthy?" I ask.

"Look Sha're, you can't be unhealthy with a Gou'ald inside of you. But we know she's been through a lot. Even if we bring her back…"

"She's had almost sixteen years of torture," I say. Did he not think I realized this? I'd been thinking about this since I was five years old.

"Did you want me to contact you Dad and brother?" he asks.

I shut my eyes. "I don't know, Dan'yel. I'm not sure I want them to see this, but…yeah."

Janet's POV

June 1988 SGC Colorado Springs

Deep breath. I so did not sign on for this. I joined the military to help me pay for college. It was supposed to be a way for a poor girl to get to be a doctor. I've made it as far as nurse so far. But the thing about the military is you go where they send you. Which for me apparently means a place where you have to deal with diseases that originated on other planets. I'm just glad they don't find a new planet more than about once a month. I have enough to deal with at the pace. It wouldn't be so bad, but they look at you like you should actually know what you're doing.

They bring you some little alien child with an arrow through the shoulder and expect you to fix her. You go to it, and discover these people have livers in their shoulders and all of a sudden you're doing surgery with green blood all over you. Then you finish and they look at you like you've done nothing extraordinary.

Or you figure out the team just came in with a mind altering disease (why are all alien diseases mind altering?). They are acting just a little differently. You figure it out, you tell people. You get them quarantined. Is this enough? No they want a cure. A cure for something you don't understand.

Every day.

It's the world's most ridiculous job. But it just got even weirder. See this time they are bringing us this nasty alien. Like arch enemy enslave the galaxy kind of bad. They want us to separate the symbiot from the host.

Do I come to work with a magician's hat on?

We're doing scans. I want as much information as possible. Of course, I won't actually be doing the surgery. But I want to know what we're doing. My patient is strapped down to a bed. I hate to see her like that. She's pulling against the straps until her wrists are red. I mean I know we can't not have her strapped, but this goes against the Hippocratic Oath doesn't it? What we're about to do I mean. I'm going to kill one intelligent beast to save another.

A young women walks into the room, she rocks from the balls of her feet to her heals, "Is it ok, if I stay in here?" she asks.

"Sure," I say smiling. She walks over, and touches the woman's hand. The women on the bed sneers something at her in an alien with a nasty voice and a nastier face. The woman doesn't draw away, and pats her hand all the more.

"You know her?" I ask.

"No, but I know the body she has taken," she said. I just wait for her to say more, "She is my mother."

No, taking that monster out of that woman is right. It's also murder, but that doesn't make it wrong.

My stomach is lurching as Dr. Warner starts the surgery. I watch as the anesthesiologist begins his work. Dr. Warner slowly cuts a deep hole in the woman's neck. He cuts right over the scar that was left over from when this monster entered her. I hold the flaps of skin giving him access. When I see the Gou'ald in person it is a very different experience than all the scans I've been pouring over for days. It's flesh, and blood; it's real.

Dr. Warner slowly begins to pull the ganglia away. Too easy.

"I'm separating the primary ganglia attaching the parasite to the spinal cord…now. It's coming away more easily than I'd hoped. Must be the anesthetic." I don't think it's the anesthetic. My stomach lurches, something is definitely wrong.

Dr. Warner is still talking, but I'm not listening. I hear something about life in the symbiot, and that's when I get an idea. Maybe there isn't. Maybe it's a trick.

All my thoughts are cut off when Dr. Warner cuts filaments going into his brain. The patient starts shaking on the table. It makes sense. The symbiot having a way to prevent someone removing it. After all they are really small and defenseless compared to their giant hosts.

She stops shaking, and we continue on. Dr. Warner cuts the symbiot in half. His gray blood leaks into the patient's neck. Dr. Warner slowly slides the bottom half out from around her spinal cord. Then slowly he goes back for the top portion. Another nurse is holding out the box where they drop the symbiot into.

I look at it. It's almost hallow. Oh shit. "Dr. Warner," I say, and I hear panic in my own voice. "Dr. Warner, there is something wrong. This can't be all of it."

"What?" he asks.

"There has to be more, this is too thin, almost hallow," I repeat.

"Have you ever seen a Gou'ald symbiot?" he asked.

"No, but I've been looking at scans of this one for days, and I'm telling you it lost half of its mass. It's tricking us. There has got to be more of it still in there. It probably still has control of her," I say.

He pauses. He isn't about to believe a nurse unless he's darn sure.

"How would we find it?" he asks.

Yeah, again, I don't know everything. I'm guessing, because it's all alien, all new. Then it comes to me, "I found a strange substance in her blood, but there was far more of it in the symbiot. If it's concentrated somewhere, then we'd know where the symbiot was."

"Ok, and we find it by?" he asks.

I bite my lip, "All I can think of is syringe samples."

It is going to be a painful process, but she just might live.

Ne'te's POV

June 1988 SGC Colorado Springs

My eyes open. They opened at my command. It is the first time my eyes have obeyed me for sixteen years. In an instant I know that my toes and fingers belong to me too. I search my mind, but that thing which has possessed me does not answer the probe. I look about the room and see a young women. A young woman with my husband's eyes, my hair, and the smile I last saw on a five year old girl I loved more than life, "Sha'uri," I say softly. I should have given her a better name; she has been anything but trouble to me.

"Yes, good mother," she responds.

"You grew up," I say with both sadness and joy. Then I remember something said while I was in the demon, "You got married," she smiles and nods, "Your husband, is he a good man?" I ask.

"A very good man," she responds, "How are you doing mother of my heart?"

Love, still love after all this time apart, "It is good to be free, but…"

She nods, "In time the horrors will leave you," She says holding her hand. I pretend I believe her, but these horrors will not.

"Do I have grandchildren?" I ask. She shakes her head and looks down. Oh my baby, the shame of the barren. Would that I could save you from that. "How long have you been married?"

"A year and a half," she whispers.

"That is a long time," I reply. She starts to cry, "Don't worry the babies will come, my love, the babies will come." But she doesn't believe me about that any more than I believe her about the horrors of the Gou'ald going away.

A/N: "Shauri" really means "trouble" in Swahili.


	5. Apart

Daniel's POV

June 1988 SGC

Sha're had just been visiting her mother again, and she comes to me looking all sheepish.

"My Dan'yel," she says. I know she's about to ask me for something. The only time she puts a "my" in front of my name now days when she is about to ask me for something.

I grin, "What do you want Sha'uri?" I say. I'm teasing her by using her real name. Calling her trouble, and we both know it.

She grins, "That name is quite accurate today. You know my mom has been through a lot." I'll say, she's watched a monster kill people with her hands for the last sixteen years. "She really likes earth. She feels safe here, the iris thing. You are all about giving me choices, and I…"

"Gave your Mom a choice?" I supply. She nods her head, "So what exactly did this choice involve?" I ask.

"I invited her to come live with us," she says with a smile.

"Sha're our apartment is pretty small," I say tentatively. Seriously? She wants her mother to come join the circus that is our fake marriage? Of course there is a plus side. I'd get to kiss Sha're all the time. But that would quickly get painful, if it were never real.

"Well I just figured since you were Dr. Jackson now, we'd be moving," she said with a grin.

"I suppose we could get a bigger place," I say. After I find a job, I add in my head.

"I mean here, aren't we moving to Colorado Springs?" she asks as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why would we want to move here?" she asks.

"Well, the stargate, and your parents, Dan'yel," she says as if I am a particularly slow child.

"What makes you think I want to spend my whole life working on the stargate? I've already given up a good chunk of time to it. You know I've been studying all of this stuff since I was eight years old."

"Yes, and you still have very little to no idea what that 'meaning of life' stuff is, and they can only manage to find a new planet to go to about once a month. The stargate program needs you," she says with a smile that weakens me at the knees.

"There are plenty of perfectly smart people that are capable of figuring this thing out without me," I say with a smile.

"None of them are as brilliant as you," she says looking at me with intensity. She smiles, "Seriously Dan'yel? You are as oblivious to the fact that you are brilliant as you are to the fact that you are gorgeous? I suppose it's good, it will keep you humble. But it also makes you…not believe in yourself when you really should. Everyone else in this world sees you as amazing, and you are still scared you are nothing at all. I wish you could see yourself, even just for one second, through my eyes."

I smile at her. Thinking about what she is saying. But also I'm wishing she could see for one second through my eyes. That she could know what I think of her. Not to improve her self-confidence, but so that she would know that I was head over heels in love with her.

"My Dan'yel, you have something precious to give the world. Know that before you choose who to give it to. When you've made your choice let me know, so I can make mine."

As she walks away I know I've already made my choice. It's not really about all the fine words Sha're has just given me. It's really about the fact that Sha're really likes Colorado Springs. It's really about the fact that I can't live without her. If she is going to stay here, than that's my choice to. Crazy to stay close to a woman who will never love me in return, but there it is.

Ne'tu's POV

June 1988 SGC Infirmary

"Good mother," he says with a smile. This is my son-in-law. It's the first time I've seen him since I was freed of the demon. I don't blame him though, it has only been a few days, and he has graciously allowed his wife to keep me company.

"Good son," I reply.

"I am sorry I have not come to visit you more frequently," he says softly.

"You have loaned me my daughter for comfort," I reply.

"Sha'uri has told me you would like to stay on earth for a time," he says.

"That child is the trouble of her name. She has no right to offer these things," I say lowering my head.

"No, she does have the right. Our house belongs to her as much as it belongs to me. Well, except it isn't exactly a house right now. Right now it is a very small apartment in Chicago-uh-that's a place a long way from here," he stammers, "but we're going to be moving to Colorado Springs-uh-here, and you are more than welcome to join us if you want. Sha're's word is as good as mine."

"She had told me that your people have a very different view on woman than our people do," I say carefully. "I was not aware exactly how different."

"There is a proverb among your people I believe," he says leaning toward me, "Pride and dignity would belong to women if only men would leave them alone." I nod, I am familiar with the proverb, "Well, in this country woman have pride and dignity, men don't exactly leave them alone. There isn't equality everywhere, but in the end we try to be fair. They get to make choices. This is a place where there are choices."

I smile at him, "I don't want to stay here forever. But right now there are nightmares which rock me by day and by night. Right now that piece of medal on your chaapa'ai is making me feel safe. Right now I need the safety. I do want to return to my planet, to my husband, to my people. But I do not want to return to them broken. If you would be so kind as to offer me sanctuary, safety, until my mind begins to heal, I would be forever in your debt."

"That debt has been more than paid by the gift of your daughter. You may stay with us for as long as you want, and anything I can do to ease the memory of that nightmare you endured, just let me know."

I grin at him, "I heard that my daughter was not a gift."

He freezes, panic in his eyes, "Oh now, good son, there is no shame in playing games of chance. Especially if the wager is a wife to settle you down from that wild lifestyle."

"Yes, Sha're was the best poker chip I've ever won," he says with a smile.

There is a silence between us for a little while. It is a comfortable silence of two friends, for even in a few minutes that is what we have become to one another. But I break it with the question I desperately want to know. The question I cannot ask my daughter.

"With which one of you does the shame lie?" I ask softly.

I can tell by those bright blue eyes focused on me that he doesn't know what I'm talking about, "You have been married for some time, and yet Sha're has born no children."

He blushes deep red, and looks away, "That is my fault," he says.

"Have you seen a healer about it?" I ask.

"Um…no," he says still not meeting my gaze.

"Well, my people have some secrets which might be of some help," I begin. This man is squeamish about such things. His blush grows deeper and deeper as my talk continues.

Sha'uri's POV

June 1988 SGC

I had just been to see my mother-in-law. I wanted to be sure that Catherine's offer of a home with her was still good. Though, I doubted I would really want to live in a different house than Dan'yel. While I was there she offered me a job working at the SGC. This was something I had not really considered before. Back in Chicago I had passed my GED, and taken a few intro college classes. I had more or less decided that being an English professor would be the life for me. But it would be another six years before I could obtain that dream. Six full years of college. This was a job I could have now. It would be a chance to be independent. To make my own choices for real instead of only for pretend.

Dan'yel gabs me and pulls me into an empty lab, "Sha're I just went to see your mother." We were both talking to our mother-in-laws at the same time. "I let her know that we were serious about inviting her to live with us. You're right. I should be working at the SGC. We should get a house here. If we get a house here do you still want to live with me? Or do you want to start living on your own? Or with my parents? Or a place with just you and your Mom? Oh, and your mom asked why there are no grandbabies."

I gasp, closing my eyes. I'm trying to think of something to say to him.

"I should have thought of that before. I mean, I'm exposing you to the ultimate shame of your culture. So I told her the no babies' thing was my fault."

I look at him. He really is a knight in shining armor. It's another thing he doesn't know about himself-chivalry.

"Of course that resulted in an hour long how to get pregnant talk that I REALLY don't want to think about. It was by far the most awkward conversation of my life. And then I didn't even know most of the words in your language. I tried to pretend I understood, but she always saw through that. So pretty soon she's using even more graphic words and sometimes illustrations to describe the words I don't know. Then she finally asked me why I didn't know these words. Something like 'doesn't Sha'uri talk dirty to you?' and I had to tell her you did-in English."

"Oh Dan'yel, I'm so sorry. I'll tell her the truth about our marriage. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that," I lay touching his arm.

"You want to tell the truth now? No! I've endured it, it's over," he says with a shake of his head.

"But it's not over. If my mom does live with me, we're going to have to pretend to be married, every day," I say.

"I know that Sha're. But that's a small thing compared to seeing the pictures your mother drew. If this is what you want than I want to do it. But if not. I mean maybe it's time we go a part, you find someone who can give you everything you want-babies and all.

But I don't want babies with anyone, my Dan'yel. I want babies with you.

"I have thrown in my lot with you, and there my lot will stay until it is time for us to separate. I do not think that that time has yet come," I say.

"Ok, I'm going to go talk to my mom about a job. Then maybe I'll start looking for a place to live. When I find a couple of possibilities we'll go look at them together. Uh…you want a house right?" he asks.

"Where ever you are, so my home is," I say quoting an Egyptian proverb off that tablet he thought was so valuable. He smiles, and is about to leave, before I add, "Dan'yel, I talked to your mother about a job for myself too."

He cocks his head to the side, "What profession did you land on, good Sha're, sword swallower? That was the one I was hoping for." He's mocking the fact that I really had considered just about every profession out there.

"More like secretary/tour guide," I say with a smile.

"Is that what you want?" he says.

"For now it is," I say with a smile.

"Alright, I'll talk to you later."

I sit there for a moment contemplating all the changes my life seems to be headed for in the near future. Just then a tall blond deep in thought walks into the room. She stops short with a confused look on her face. She takes a couple of steps back, looks at the sign on the door, and then walks in with more confidence.

"This is my lab," she informs me.

"Oh, sorry, I was just taking to my…husband, and we just walked in to the nearest door," I say. I'd leave, but she's blocking the door.

"I don't think I've seen you before, have you worked here long?" she asks.

"Um…actually I don't work here at all, yet," I inform her.

"Then how did you get here? I mean they don't just let anyone on a secure base," she says doing a quick interrogation with her eyes.

"My mother and father in law are pretty high up on the chain of command," I explain.

"Catherine?" she asks.

"You know her?" I say in surprise.

"Yeah, she's the one who offered me the job. What is your name?" she asks.

"Sha're," I reply. I don't give anyone my given name anymore. I like the one that my husband gave me much better. It's not like anyone on this planet would actually recognize my name's meaning, but still, I prefer that they don't know.

"Sha're you have a beautiful accent, would you mind if I asked you were you were from?" she asks.

"Not at all, I'm from Egypt," I reply.

"I'm Sam by the way," she says extending her hand in a hand shake. "I was actually planning on going to lunch, would you care to join me?"

I nodded my head.

Daniel's POV

July 1988 Nox Home word

I wipe my sweaty palms on my fatigues. I am about to meet one of the four great species. There are four powerful alien races out there that made an alliance a long, long time ago. I've spent my entire childhood trying to translate the message they left behind. Now I am actually going to meet one of them. What are you supposed to say under these circumstances? I feel like they are high enough above us I should just shut up and bow. But shutting up and bowing isn't exactly the best way to get us access to the information we need.

The team that made first contact said they were a peace loving people who were more than happy to speak to us. Not that they said much besides that we were way less advanced than they were. Saying that we were much "too young." But the point was they spoke our language. They spoke our language, and would easily be able to translate their part of the message into it. If I could convince them too. If they did that it would be like the Rosetta stone. We could learn to read the language of all four of the ancient races.

I take a deep breath and step through the event horizon. The creatures that greet us are not that different from humans. A bit shorter perhaps, and there hair frizzed in a dazing display that even the most courageous of the followers of fashions would not wear. I mean, I've seen teased hair, but this goes way beyond that. Their clothes are odd too. Almost like a patchwork guilt with no seams that I can see. They are light brown with other colors laid over at random. It reminds me, strangely, of the term, "swaddling clothes."

"Hello, we bring you greetings of earth," I offer.

One of the Nox eyes me carefully, "What do you want from us? Most of what we have would be dangerous if given away."

"We want nothing but friendship and knowledge," I reply.

"Knowledge is the most dangerous of all the things in the world," he says softly.

"You once made an alliance, four great nations. You met in a castle, and made a pretty impressive display of all the knowledge of the universe," I said.

He studies me even more carefully, "Knowing this reveals that you are lucky, not that you are wise."

"I know, we've been lucky so far. But there are bad guys out in the universe. People who would want to hurt us. We need information in order to protect this from happening," I say slowly, carefully.

"Knowledge can destroy as well as protect," the man says.

"But we aren't going to use it that way. We are just going to use the knowledge to keep our people safe."

"You can vouch for the integrity of every single person on your planet?" he asks.

Oh, I have so lost this battle. I'm thinking of the atomic bomb, "No, I can't even vouch for my own integrity," I respond looking down, "I'll be going now."

"Young one, you have said the first bit of wisdom since you arrived through the gate. We aren't going to translate what you found on Heliopolis, but we will give you this." He slips something flat and cool into my hands, it looks like technology.

"What is it?" I ask.

"It is a way for you to earn the knowledge that you seek. It translates between your language and our own. It also will help you translate between the universal language of the meeting place and our language."

"Thank you," I say earnestly.

"Use your knowledge well, young one," he replies.

Sha'uri's POV

July 1988 SGC

I thought Dan'yel was obsessive about his work when he was in college, but it was much worse since he started working here. Much worse since those aliens gave him the key to the puzzle he's been working on since he was eight years old. Sometimes I wonder if I was really his wife would he come home to me? Would it make any difference? What kind of a husband would my Dan'yel be? But it is all idle thoughts. It is a waste of time, because I am not really his wife, and I still have to find a way to get the man to stop and sleep.

"Dan'yel," I say entering his office.

"Did you bring coffee?" he asks not even looking up.

"No, you don't need coffee, you need sleep," I reply.

"I am so close Sha're, none of this makes sense, but if I could just…I don't know," he says throwing his pen down in frustration.

"Maybe the aliens gave you false information to confuse you," I offer.

"I really don't think they would do that," he says.

"Well, then maybe it's all written in code. Maybe all of the races felt the way these Nox did. That you have to be "old" enough, wise enough, worthy enough, before you deserve to have the knowledge of the universe," I offer.

"You think it's a test?" he asks.

"Maybe," I say.

"Well, if it is a test, I'm failing," he says his head banging down against his notes.

"Come home, get a good night's sleep, a shower, and the solution will come with the morning," I say.

He grins not lifting his head from his notes, "So what you are saying is that I smell?"

"A little," I say wirily. "Come on," I pull playfully at his arm which he overdramatically makes go limp.

"I feel like I am so close…" he says.

"Sha're you forgot your book in my lab," Sam says entering Dan'yel's office.

"Thanks Sam, how did you know how to find me?" I ask.

"Well, when you said you were heading home I figured there would be a detour to collect your workaholic not-your-husband on your way out the door," she replies.

"Have we met?" Dan'yel says lifting his head off his desk, and peering at Sam from beneath the page of notes stuck to his forehead.

"No, but I have heard all about you," she says peeling the page of his face with a giggle.

She glances at the paper, and freezes, "What is this?" she asks.

"I wish I knew, I'm beginning to think an intergalactic practical joke," Dan'yel replies.

"Where did you get it?" she asks.

"It's the translation of the information we found on Heliopolis according to the Nox cipher which I'm beginning to believe is seriously flawed," Dan'yel replies.

"Why on earth would you think that?" she asks her eyes scanning over the pages with growing excitement.

"Because it's just a series of random letters and numbers," he replies in a bone tired voice which ended with a yawn.

"No," Sam says, "It's formulas. This is the universal formulas, the holy grail that physicists have been searching for since physics began!" she exclaims.

"What?" I ask.

"Right now we only know a couple of formulas, I mean laws, always true equations in physics. I'm talking gravity, relativity, basic stuff right?" I nod, I did have a semester of college physics, but I know Sam well enough to know I'm probably not going to be following along with the conversation for long. "Ok, well we've long believed that someday physicists would be able to figure out all the formulas that are out there. Then we would be able to predict and understand all natural phenomena. We would understand the whole universe!"

"And those letter and numbers do that for you?" Dan'yel asks. He is not quite getting caught up in the excitement. It's probably because of his acute disappointment over having his month's work turn out to be a list of science equations. He was probably hoping for…I don't know something more philosophically profound.

"They don't actually do that yet. Having the equations and knowing what they mean are two very different things," she says her eyes scanning over the paper. "All I can do right now is recognize a few of these as the equations we already know. They are using different letters for their constants, but still. It would take me a little bit of time to figure out what the other equations mean. It would take a lot longer to actually understand how they work, what each and every one of them means for the planet," she says running her finger down the page. "Can I borrow this?" she asks looking at Dan'yel.

"Ah sure, actually let me run you a copy," he says standing up.

"No, I'll do that. I'll leave the originals in your office, you'd better head home with wifey-poo and go make out in front of your mother-in-law," she says with a wicked grin. Oh Samantha Carter, I should not share my secrets with you.

Daniel's POV

August 1988 SGC

I stand at the gate and wave goodbye to my mother-in-law. The time she spent with us was both the best and worst part of my entire life. On the plus side I got to kiss Sha're-a lot. On the minus side I spent a lot of sleepless nights with her lying next to me. Each morning we would wake up, tangled in each other's arms. This was the worse torture I've ever endured. Each moment I wanted to say to her, "I love you!" But I couldn't do that. Because Sha're is going to have choices, and she isn't choosing me. I need her to be happy. She has to be happy.

I think about that proverb. The one about the women being twice imprisoned when her chains feel comfortable. It is so true, and I am building a gilded cage around the woman I love. I love her far too much to make her my prisoner.

"Sha're," I say softly, "I want to talk to you about our living arrangements…"

Sha'uri's POV

September 1988 Colorado Springs

I'm still crying, even though I ran out of tears a long time ago. It's a horrible experience, like dry heaves. My stomach, my head, and my chest all hurt, and still the crying goes on. I lay on his side of the bed, but already his scent is gone from the pillow, the blankets, the sheets. It has been nearly a month since he left the house, and the only traces of him that are left are the deep impressions he left on me.

It takes a while to untangle lives. But he stopped by so often to collect his belongings, that he house is empty of them.

"My Dan'yel, how did I wrong you?" I cry into the night. But I know it was nothing I did. Dan'yel and I didn't break up. We were never together in any place except my own mind. He doesn't know what his leaving did to me, because in his mind I was never his wife. I was just a friend, thrust toward him by very unusual circumstance, who propriety required him to care for. Maybe not even a friend. More like a burden fate thrust on to his lap.

All that talk about choices, and it comes to not. Because the end you cannot choose to have someone love you. Only they can do that.

Daniel's POV

October 1988 SGC

Usually I prefer to eat my lunches alone. I do my best thinking when my body is busy, and my mind can wander. I've cracked a lot of puzzles that way. Since I got the key to the greatest puzzle of my life, I need all the thinking time that I can get. But this isn't going to be one of those quiet lunches. Walter Harriman and Robert Rothman sit down next to me. I actually like both of these guys, but I'm not a huge fan of losing my thought time.

Just then Sha're walks by. She gives me a smile, and sits down next to Sam across the commentary.

"That has GOT to be the hottest woman in the galaxy," Robert mutters.

Walter stares at him, "That's Daniel's wife."

Robert gets a 'holy shit' look on his face, "I…didn't know…I…" he stammers.

"That's alright, calm down, Robert. Sha're and I…we're not really married. It's a legality thing," I say.

"You're getting divorced?" Robert asks.

"No, it's more like an accidental marriage that was never a real thing. Really I should get it annulled. For a while it was easier not to, but now it would be for the best," I murmur.

"So I can date her?" Robert asks. Walter elbows him hard in the ribs, and Robert yelps in pain.

"That's up to her Robert. She probably has better taste than that, but if she doesn't that's your good luck," I tease.

Robert doesn't waste a second. He stands up and walks across the commentary, and my stomach falls through the ground.

Sha'uri's POV

October 1988 SGC

I see Robert get up from the table he is sitting at with Dan'yel and walk toward where I am sitting with Sam. Suddenly the irrational thought that Dan'yel sent him over here with a message occurs to me. But the thought disappears from his mind with the look on his face.

"Sha'uri, isn't it?" he says with a smile.

"Yes," I say. Giving him nothing to work on. If he is doing what I think he is doing, I'm certainly not going to make it easy for him.

"Beautiful name, you are from Egypt, correct?" he asks.

I nod.

"Have you ever been up in the mountains? Very different terrain than Egypt," he says.

"I've lived her for a while, I've seen the mountains many times," I say coolly.

"Movies then?" he asks.

"I've seen movies too, I'm not a cavewoman," I say. Sam snorts with suppressed laughter.

"I mean would you like to go to the movies with me?" he asks.

"You were just having lunch with Dan'yel," I say.

"Yes," he says.

"You're friends with him aren't you?" I ask.

"Sort of, but I don't know him all that well," he replies.

"Well, then I should probably inform you that we're married," I say.

"He told me about the unique marriage you have. He also said it was alright if I dated you," he says.

When my eyes lift up to his, they must have shown the pain I was in. "Look, I'm sorry, I never should have asked," he said as he made a hasty retreat, leaving his lunch behind at Dan'yel's table.

"Are you ok?" Sam asks quietly.

"I shouldn't be surprised right?" I say quietly.

"Sha're, I don't think Daniel did it to be cruel," she offers.

"I know," I say faintly.

"Maybe you should tell him you're in love with him," she offers with a smile.

"After that?" I squawk, "Are you crazy?"

Sha'uri's POV

November 1988 SGC

It's laying on the desk of my office when I come in. At first it doesn't look like anything in particular-just a manila envelope. I open it up and look inside.

Divorce papers.

I lose my breakfast over the trash can.

My people don't get divorced.

It just doesn't happen. Forget the shames I've already been forced to endure. The shame of being a gambling trophy. The shame of leaving my home for my husband. The shame of a childless marriage. The shame of my husband leaving the house that we share. Now divorce?

I throw the divorce paper's into the trash on top of my vomit.

My Dan'yel I love you. I would give you anything. Anything, but that which you want the most. But do not judge me to strongly, you can't give me what I want either. Here we are locked in eternal battle. You unable to give me marriage, and I unable to give you divorce.


	6. Together

A/N: I'm addicted to reviews. Please help me.

Sha'uri's POV

March 1990 Colorado Springs

He isn't mine anymore. But I am still his. Forevermore. When he becomes absorbed in his work I find a way to get him home. I can't just cut off the coffee and get obnoxious anymore. I have to find someone to do my dirty work. His mother is always a good bet.

The news has gotten out that Sha're Littlefield is open for business. Guys are asking me out all the time. I don't want to date anyone who is not him. I'd say yes to spite him, but he wouldn't even care.

Every couple of months a manila envelope shows up on my desk and I find a way to destroy the divorce papers without even looking at them.

We almost never talk. When we do we talk as if we were strangers. We are not strangers Dan'yel.

I know the way you like your coffee-espresso put into the coffee maker like it's water, the results mixed with just a touch of milk. I know that you sleepwalk when you are too tired and overworked, and that you remember what you read when you sleepwalk. I know that you hate the sound of pencils scrapping against the paper, so you only use pens. I know that you hate the fact you can't publish all the things you've found since starting the stargate program. I know you have all of the Indiana Jones movies memorized, and love them, even though you publicly mock them. I know that on Sundays you read the comics from the paper first. I know when you cook you never measure the ingredients, but just pour the estimation into a bowl. I know you leave your underwear and wet towels in a tangle in the bathroom.

I know I love you.

Daniel's POV

May 1990 SGC

Another good meal ruined, and I don't even now this guy. Usually if I keep reading and grunt, a couple answers they go away. Not this time.

"Who are you?" I ask

"Lieutenant Colonel Jack O'Neill, United States Air Force, pleased to meet you," he says sticking out his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Dr. Daniel," I said absently.

"You go by your first name?" he ask.

"Had to," I reply, "There are an awful lot of Littlefields around this base, and most of them are doctors."

"You're Sha're's husband?"

"Not really," I sigh. Sometimes I really wish I could just go one day without being reminded of her, "I really should get that officially annulled. But Sha're is just awful at losing legal papers," he smirks at this, and I feel like the smirk means something, "Anyway if you are one of those people who don't believe the rumors-yes, you have my permission to date my wife-anyone does," I say pulling my book back up. If he's like most of them he'll be leaving now to go find Sha're.

"Soooooooooooo, don't want to date your wife, Daniel," he says with a laugh. Ok, so I might really hate it when people asked her out, but I hated his scorn a lot more.

I slam the book down, "What the hell is wrong with Sha're?"

He puts up his arms like he is fending off an attack, "Nothing, nothing. But I'm already married. And unlike yours mine is the kind of marriage where the wife would not like me dating other people," He smirks at me. "Your wife's a good women, Daniel, just not interested in her that way."

I relax, "Sorry…uh….what's your name again?"

"Jack," he says.

"Right, so you know Sha're?" I say.

"Yeah, she babysat my kid a couple times. My wife and her are real good friends," he offers.

I get the connection, "You aren't Sam's husband are you?"

"Sure am!" he grin.

"Your wife is amazing!" I says.

"Been told," he says nonchalantly.

I tell him the story of Sam recognizing the meaning of life physics equations.

"Does Sha're ever visit home?" he asks.

I'm not sure how to answer this one. Most people don't know she's an alien. Besides which I feel like Jack is asking something else in the question, and I don't like to answer questions I don't understand, "You know where her home is?" I ask warily.

"Yeah," he says.

"Once and a while she'll ask me to go back. In that culture I pretty much have to go back with her. And we have to act like we're really married, really, really. Her people are pretty open about the PDA's. But it's the only way she can see her family, so every once in a while…"

"You bite the bullet and suck face with an incredibly beautiful women," he says with a smirk.

I frown, it is biting the bullet. It isn't easy to pretend you are only pretending to love someone. "Jack, the stuff between Sha're and me…It's complicated."

"You won her in a poker game," he says. That's putting it bluntly. More bluntly than anyone but I have put it before.

"Yeah, Sha're is beautiful," I say agreeing to what started the conversation.

"Nice girl too," he says.

He's hijacked the conversation, and is pulling me to somewhere I'm not sure I want to go, "Yesssss," I say pulling my book shield back up.

"Course she's smart…" he adds.

I slam the book back down, "I get it Jack! Sha're is wonderful, what is your point?"

"Just 'cause you married her doesn't mean you can't date her," he says. He walks away, even though he can't possibly be done eating yet. I'm stunned, and I'm thinking. I'm thinking back to the research I once read on Abydos…I think it said something a touch different about PDA's than Sha're would led me to believe.

Sha'uri's POV

May 1990 SGC

I hear the sound of heavy boots running on the tiled floor. It's not like that sound is all that strange at the SGC. I do what any good civilian would do, push myself up against the wall. That way the band of soldiers trying to get through and save the world from some alien attack won't be bothered with having to push me out of the way.

But it isn't a band of soldiers. It isn't even one soldier. I barely have time to register that person running down the hall is my Dan'yel before he has me pushed up against a wall. That tongue which bumbles through Abydonian diphthongs is reminding me of its talent and grace.

When he finally pulls away he moves his body back far enough that we stop touching, but close enough to keep me off balance. His forehead rests against mine.

"What was that about?" I whisper.

"It turns out public displays of affection are far more common in my culture than yours," he says with a huge grin.

Oh shit! "Dan'yel, I can explain…" I begin, even though I haven't actually thought of anything to say.

He pulls his head back further so he can look right into my eyes. "I'll do it for you. You're in love with me," his voice sounds like something between a taunt and pure pleasure.

"Dan'yel…" I begin to protests, but I don't have words to put after it.

"It's ok Sha're, I love you to," he says.

"You moved out, asked for a divorce, and enrolled me in the SGC's own version of the dating game, sure sounds like you're in love with me," I say. Why would he lie?

"That may not appear to be love, but it was. I couldn't be near you, without being with you," as he talks he's running his hand through my hair. That is something he never did when we were trying to fool people into thinking we were together. But sometimes, when we were sleeping in the same bed, I would wake to him doing it before he'd even woken up. "You know that proverb, about the woman being twice bound…"

"When her chains feel comfortable, what about it?" I ask.

"I was afraid that's what I was. Silver handcuffs. A cage for a bird. I was afraid I was holding you back."

"You idiot," I say kissing him again. When I'm done I whisper, "Are you coming home tonight?"

"Not right away," he says with a smile, "I want to do this right. You deserve flowers, candles, picnics, dancing, the whole works."

"Now is this going to be like the ring thing, where I'm saying I want you to give it to me when you want to, and you hear me say I want you to find me someone else to find me a ring?"

"I'll be giving you the dates," he laughs, "And the ring too," he says softer.

"That's good Dan'yel of my heart, because you make and awful pimp."

He laughs until the echo drifts down the corridors.

His eyes grow serious, "All that wasted time," he says.

"Man fears time - time fears the pyramids…and love" I say.

Daniel's POV

May 1990 SGC

I think about Sha're's wedding dress, simple, covering, plain. I compare that to the dress she put on for our first date. She looks great in it, a little too great. It's v-neck plunges low, it's flowing fabric teases about her knees, and it is just the shade of red no one misses. I walk into her closet, the one that used to be out closet, and grab a sweater. She puts it on, and most of the skin is covered, "Jealous, my Dan'yel?" she whispers in my ear.

"Naw, just trying to increase my odds of being able to hold a conversation tonight," I mutter back.

I open the car door for her. This is something I used to do all the time, but I haven't done it for her even once since I started to give her space, to let her out of her gilded cage. As she sits down I say, "You know Jack right?"

"Yeah, Sam's husband," she says easily.

"He loaned me a telescope. I set it up in the back yard for after dinner. I figured out exactly which star has Abydos orbiting around it," I say with a grin.

"You have got to be kidding me!" she explains.

"Nope, you get to look at your home world from across the galaxy," I say.

She's quite for a bit, "We can't really do the normal first date talk," she says.

"Just what do you know about normal first date talk?" I tease.

"What you think I turned down all those guys you pimped out to me?" she says laughing with her eyes, "Ok, I did, but I watch television Dan'yel. My point is that I already know everything about you."

"Everything?" I challenge.

"You look at the alarm clock three times before you go to bed, just to make sure it's set," she pauses, "Always three times."

"You should talk Ms. smells-her-hands-after washing them," I retort.

"Dan'yel you have no idea how much better Earth soap smells than Abydonian soap?" she says softly.

"Oh, I do, Sha're. I was once force scrubbed with that awful stuff in your little foot washing ceremony," I say with mock bitterness.

"The price you have to pay to marry someone as one wonderful as me," she says flipping her hair over her shoulder in a way that makes my hand leave the wheel of its own volition and run through it.

"Worth it," I say softly, "You're my favorite little Poker Chip."

She crinkles up her nose in a way which was probably meant to single her displeasure with the comment, but which was cute enough to ensure it would have many repeats.

"Well, there are some things I don't know about you even if you know everything about me, Poker Chip," I say. "Any new songs?"

She smiles, "'If I Could Turn Back Time' works well for vacuuming, and 'Hold On' is my scrubbing song, and for cooking I sing 'He Thinks He'll Keep Her'," she responds.

"So will he?" I ask looking at her.

"If he plays his jackals right he will," she says slyly.

"I was the hounds, Sha're," I say rolling my eyes, "So you've given up on the Bangles?" I ask. I know this is probably a sore topic for her, but I can't help poking the bear.

"I do NOT want to talk about the Bangles breaking up Dan'yel. But I still wake to Manic Monday each day."

I loved that. That she still woke to a song she loved. I loved that she followed bands like a teenager (never having been a teenager on earth). I loved her wide yet uniform taste in music. I just plain loved her.

"There is one topic we never really touched on," she says.

"What exactly is in that tea your mother smuggles you from Abydos, because I still think it's a drug," I tease.

"It's an _herbal_ cold remedy Dan'yel. One that does wonders for your constant sinus infections.:

"Psychotropic drug," I say laughing.

"Is not."

"Is to."

"Is not."

"Is to."

She crosses her arms over her chest, refusing to play this game any longer.

"Alright, what have we never discussed?" I say surrendering.

"Our future," she says so softly I almost don't hear her.

I give her a careful glance, which was probably longer than I really should have spared from the road. "What kind of future do you want?"

"One where we actually lived like a married couple," she says.

I giggle, "Sha're we pretty much lived like a married couple for years. Save that little difference."

"Pretty important difference," she says with a grin, "You know those Egyptian proverbs gambled for when you ended up with me?" I nod, "Here's one for you: A man who is ashamed to sleep with his wife will never be a father."

I cough. She's enjoying it. It's a loaded comment, I'm not sure what part to attack first. "So than kids?" I ask.

"Lots of kids," she says.

"Lots?" I ask uncertainly. I'm trying to do the math on what the average family size in her culture.

"Lots," she says moving closer and rubbing my leg.

"Lots like two right?" I ask nervously.

"Dan'yel, don't you like kids?" she pouts.

"Lots like four?" I ask hopefully.

"To start with," she says slyly.

I'm freaking out, than I glance at her. "You're messing with me? Sha're!"

She giggles, "I do want kids, but three, four, not the thousands you were imagining."

I smack her shoulder lightly. "Spousal abuse," she says with a wide grin.

"So Sha're, what did you do with all the divorce papers?" I ask.

"I threw-up on the first set. After that I got creative. One of them was blown up with C-4," she says glancing at me.

"C-4?" I ask in shock.

"Sam had to do the test anyway," she clarifies.

"Sha're you are a wild woman."

Sha'uri's POV

October 1990 SGC

Dan'yel hasn't picked me up for a date in quite some time. It's hard to pick someone up for a date when you live at the same place they do. Dan'yel insists he doesn't live with me.

"We are not going to live together again until we are married for real," he always says. But like the proverb from Dan'yel's favorite slab of rock says, "It if looks like water, sounds like water, and feels like water, ignore the hieroglyphics which proclaim it sand."

I know Dan'yel is living with me, because we have to buy strong coffee, potatoes, ham, frozen pizza, and lots of chocolate each time we go to the grocery store. I know because when I cook I have to clean as I go, instead of leaving a big mess for the end. I know because every day when I come home from work his underwear and wet towel are twisted together on the bathroom floor. I know because his pillow smells right again (and every once in a while I switch so my pillow also smells like him). I know, because we had to buy three new bookshelves. I know because it's been months since I drove my own car to work, and then it was only because Dan'yel was home with a sinus infection caused by those allergies of his. Just because every once in a while Dan'yel goes "home" to his apartment doesn't mean we're not living together.

Although it does mean I miss him.

But tonight he's putting extra effort into pretending we don't live together. He went to his apartment right after work today, and is only now coming to our house. He's standing at the door with roses in his hands. As I put them in water I notice how nervous he's being. I'm pretty sure I know why.

When Dan'yel first started working at the SGC he was perfectly content. Translating the meaning of life stuff was about all he could ask from life. But the thing is, Sam gave him a big break by figuring out the first part was science equations. The military got all excited about them, and gave him a lot of assistance. I mean a lot. So many that Dan'yel doesn't actually get to do as much translating as checking the work of translators. They've already worked their way through most of the holographic image. It's pretty amazing stuff. More or less the final answer in every thought of human inquiry from religion to chemistry to business. I'm not sure how someone could be disappointed in this, but somehow I think my Dan'yel was expecting, "Hey dummy, this is why you exist, and here is how you should spend your life, enjoy."

These past few months he's focused more on the other languages. Working the welcome messages back from Nox he's learned to read a language like Norse runes, one like strange lines, and one a bit like cursive in addition to Nox. He's as fluent in all three as you can get from studying one wall of a room. I've been worried for a while that Dan'yel's feet-as they say on earth-are getting itchy.

I really don't want Dan'yel to go through the gate. But if that is what he wants, I'll try to be happy for him. While at the same time being terrified.

Anyway that has got to be what all the flowers, and nervousness is about. The nervousness just continues as we get to the restaurant. Damn it, he's ruining the whole meal!

"Dan'yel of my heart, I think I know what's going on," I say.

He squirms, "You do?"

"Yes, I have another Abydonian proverb for you, "I wish you joy in your journey, but pray in secret you will have no joy, and so return to me."

He blinks at me befuddled from beneath his glasses, "Where am I going?" he asks.

"Through the chaa'pi," I say.

"Who told you that?" he asked.

"No one had to Dan'yel. I see the way you think of it," I say.

"You can see my thoughts?" he teases.

"Most certainly," I respond.

"Well, did you see this one?" he asks drawing small velvet box out of his pocket. "Will you marry me?" he asks.

"Dan'yel, we're married," I say.

"Well technically," he says.

"More than technically, we live together," I inform him.

"We do not live together!" he protests.

"We have sex," I continue.

"Sha're!" he says looking around the room as if I'd just announced I'm an alien for a large audience.

"We read each other's thoughts."

"Not that well since you can't differentiate, 'want to take an incredibly dangerous job' from 'want to marry you."

"Actually those two things are quiet similar," I tease.

"After we get married we could start trying for a baby," he says.

"That would be good," I say reaching for his hand, "Well, thanks for the jewelry, though I can't actually say yes, since we're already married," I say taking the box.

"You're welcome, smartass," he replies.

"We're going to have to get you a ring too though," I say, "At least as many people hit on you as me."

"That is not the only purpose of a ring, Sha're," he protests softly.

"What other purpose is there, good husband?"

He opens his mouth several times, but nothing comes out for a while, "It also looks pretty," he says.

"Oh, I thought you were going to say something about it being a symbol of our undying affection," I tease.

"That too," he smirks.

"So does this count as our marriage then?" I smile sweetly.

"Sha're don't you want a big ceremony with the big dress, and cake, and music, and lots of people?"

"No, but I do want you to move the last bit of your stuff in, and put a big taken sign on your finger, and make a baby with you."

"I think I can do that," he smiles.

"Starting tonight," I says with a nod.

"I don't think there are jewelry stores open this late, and I'm not moving stuff out of my apartment in the middle of the night," he says with a sigh.

"One out of three isn't bad," I say with a playful sparkle in my eye, "I have another one of those proverbs for you," I say with a grin, "One who marries for love alone will have bad days but good nights."

Daniel's POV

March 1991 SGC

I can tell by her face as she comes to the breakfast table. Her eyes meet mine. There is so much pain in them. She walks over to the coffee make and pours herself a cup of strong coffee. There isn't any reason to avoid caffeine anymore.

Damn it! We were so sure this time.

The naps, the increased appetite, she'd even throw up once!

I didn't know how much longer we could go on like this. Wanting something so bad, only to have the fact that we couldn't have it proclaimed to us each month in blood.

"Sha're…" I begin.

She shakes her head. She doesn't want to talk about it. But her heart is breaking, and I don't want it to break alone.

"Sha're let's go visit your parents this weekend," I say.

"That's exactly what I need Dan'yel, to be around people who think I've been infertile for five years instead of six months."

"Sha're it's going to happen…" I start, extending my hand to her.

"Don't Dan'yel," she says, pulling herself away.

"Anything under a year is normal…" I try again.

"My mother gave me a sex talk too, admittedly after the one you got…"

Then I just shut up, and take her into my arms and hold her, as she cries. That's what she needs. Someone to grieve with her, not someone to tell her everything is going to be alright.

Sha'uri's POV

April 1991 SGC

I was right about Dan'yel's itchy feet. He's done with the translating, and is going through the gate. With Jack's team, SG-we can do anything without breaking a sweat-1. Dan'yel loves it. But he tries to pretend he doesn't. Even if I didn't know his mission schedule I'd always know when he was about to leave. Something in the way he treats me. Dan'yel always spoils me rotten, but before a mission, he's so unbelievably nice my friends think I'm making it up if I try to tell them.

He brings me breakfast in bed, and begins a foot massage as he begins to whispers, "I'm sorry I'm missing this month's chance at a baby."

"You caught the beginning, and gave us pretty good odds last night, and this morning" I say teasingly.

"I've got to go," he says kissing me.

"I wish you joy in the journey, but secretly pray you none so…" I say as I always do.

Dan'yel as always says, "I'll never stop coming home to you, Sha're of my heart."

Daniel's POV

May 1991 P3X-979

Ferretti's face is covered in sweat. We may be on a desert planet, but this looks like more than that. Like he's been running for a long time.

"Jack!" he screams, "Jack!"

"Sam?" Jack shouts back and begins running before he received an answer. It figures, last off world mission before Jack gets to go home and wait for his baby to arrive, and we're six miles from the gate when he hears Sam's in labor.

Jack's running hard, and the rest of us are running after him. Even Ferretti, and he's presumably already run that distance.

Jack has been harassing me about being out of shape. He's been trying to convince me that my lack of ability at running is going to get me killed one day. Attempting to run six miles is a good way of convincing a person who thinks they are in shape that they are in fact not. I almost think he planned it.

My only comfort is that McKay is having much more trouble than me. The last time I saw him this whinny was when Jack threatened him with the lemon McKay's deathly allergic too.

Of course Teal'c is making us all look bad.

I try to tell the story of the first marathon but stop. First because I don't have any air to spare, and second because the guy dies in the end. Shut up and run Littlefield!

Daniel's POV

May 1991 SGC

I'd been running toward this goal for a long time, but now that I actually stood at the threshold of Sam's hospital room I wasn't sure I wanted to go in. I didn't want it to be Sam in there-I wanted it to be Sha're. And I wasn't sure I could say and do all the right things when my heart was breaking, because it wasn't my baby. Because I was starting to lose hope I'd ever have a baby.

"You guys can come in you know," Sam says.

"Sha're watching Charlie?" I say, my eyes scanning the tiny baby. I was a little worried that Sha're might have been here, but already left, because she found it too hard. Sha're would hate someone besides me knowing about the struggle to have a baby. As far as anyone knew we weren't trying yet.

"Uh, no, I couldn't find her. So, I had to leave him with General Hammond," Sam says. The man enters just as she says the words, with her older son in tow. For a while its family time, and I don't have to concentrate. But soon they are passing around the baby. I'm not really sure what it's going to be like. I've never actually held a baby before. I know I'm old to be saying that, but it is the truth. But when that baby is my arms it's like instant bliss.

Then the baby whimpers, and I remember-he's not mine. I try to hand him to Jack.

"You're fine, babies fuss," Jack says and there is a lot of pride in his eyes. Not just for the baby, but also for me.

I pull that tiny warm body close to mine. God this is good. I've been so stupid.

It doesn't have to be your baby to love it. I think of my mother-Catherine I mean. She's no less my mom, because she didn't give birth to me. Sha're and I, we'll have a baby even if we can't. And it will be ours, just as much. I actually sort of like the idea of an adopted kid adopting a kid. Almost poetic.

I hand Davie off to McKay, and immediately wish I could take the action back judging by Sam's face. But it would crush McKay. McKay has him wailing within seconds, I shake my head. Before long I'm watching Charlie while Sam gets some rest. I love watching Charlie, but it always gives me a little ache down deep in my chest too. This time, there is no ache, I'm going to be a father.

Sha'uri's POV

May 1991 Colorado Springs

When I hear Dan'yel calling my name downstairs I briefly wonder if he's back a day early from his mission just because I was wishing him so hard. He grins at me as I come in for a kiss.

"Ugh! You smell like infirmary," I protest.

He grins, "Sam had her baby."

"What? She never even called!" I say.

"I guess she looked all over for you on base. Weren't you at work today?" he asks with concern.

"Day off Dan'yel," I say.

"Right, I knew that," he says with a smile.

"So what is the baby like?" I prompt. As exciting as my news is, it will keep for a bit.

"Tiny! I didn't know babies were that tiny!" he exclaims, "I mean those fingers could melt your heart. He's gorgeous. Jack's eyes, little peach fuzz of Sam colored hair, he's got this little whimpery thing he does before he cries." I smile. "Sha're when I was holding him I thought, this is so perfect. He's so amazing, and I love him. He's not mine, but I love him. Sha're, we should adopt. No more waiting. No more cursing your every period. No more breaking hearts. Let's just get a baby."

"Dan'yel," I say hiding my laughing face in his shoulder. He thinks I'm crying.

"What's wrong?" he asks lifting my chin up. His face gets really confused when he sees the laugh on my lips and in my eyes.

"Dan'yel, we don't have to wait, curse, and break anymore," I say.

"You want to adopt," he says with a huge grin.

"Dan'yel, I'm pregnant," I say.

"What?" he says.

"Baby. In. here." I say pointing to my stomach.

Both of his hands are on my stomach. They overlap, almost covering it twice. He bends down whispering, "Hello, little baby." He stands up and grins at me, "Pregnant!" he says kissing me. "Do you want ice cream?" he asks.

I shake my head.

"Pickles?"

"Dan'yel" I scold.

"Sit down?" he asks.

"Oh, you are going to get annoying," I say, but moving to the couch none the less.

"You mean, I'm going to take care of you," he corrects.

"Like I said…" I mock. Then I grow quiet. "Dan'yel, on Abydos a father sings to his unborn child."

He lays down with his head on my lap, face turned toward my stomach. It's the first time I've ever heard him sing. He's got a good voice. He's singing a song from a movie called "Bundle of Joy" that he pretends to hate, "How I love my pretty baby. Sweet and precious little baby. How I love my pretty baby. Honest to goodness, I do. Sleep tight, Sandman's a comin' and he'll be here mighty, mighty soon, and if you don't cry, he'll be comin' by with a great, big lollipop moon."

I run my fingers through his hair. "You are going to be an amazing dad," I whisper.

He plants a kiss on my belly before sitting up, and planting one on his cheek, "You're going to be a fabulous mom."


	7. Good

Good

Janet's POV

June 1991 SGC

I've been back at the SGC for a month now. I left to go become a doctor, and then thought I could stay away. But after two weeks in a hospital I was bored to tears. No one ever asked me to remove alien parasites. No one got viruses from other planets. Blood work never came back with strange chemicals, or robots, or weird colors. Most of what we were asked to do was stuff we'd been trained to do. In short it was no SGC.

Sha're's appointments are not the adventure most of my job is, but it is certainly a lot of fun. They haven't told anyone about the baby yet. It's a giddy secret they hold between them. They arrange her appointments with me as if they were clandestine meetings. They came separately. Slipping into my infirmary like spies.

They are so sweet I hope there aren't any diabetics coming in today. Holding hands, whispering, and his hands just about never leaves her stomach.

He stands behind her when we start the actual examination. The man is as nervous as hell. He's trying not to let her know. She's pretending that she doesn't, all the while giving him comforting squeezes to his hand that she's holding over her shoulder.

"Her mom miscarried once, tell her Sha're, you're supposed to tell your doctor these things," he says shifting from foot to foot.

"Dan'yel the baby is fine," she says looking back and giving him a smile. But there is a little worry in her eyes as she looks back at me. "Tell him the baby is fine Janet."

"Everything checks out," I say with a smile. Sometimes that's good to say. I get enough of, "Actually I have no idea why you've fallen horribly ill." "Your baby is fine," is fun sometimes too.

Sha'uri's POV

July 1991 Abydos

It was probably a pretty stupid idea to try to keep my pregnancy a secret from my parents. My mom's keen eye has not been dulled by over three years of nothing to spy. I catch her eye staring at him as he picks the meat out of his Fattah and slipping it into my bowl. When they bring out the moonshine he passes it up as well as I do. When he passes it on he holds it as far away from me as he can-as if the mere smell of it would harm the baby. He keeps moving me out of the smoke at the campfire. He gives me an amazing backrub without my having to ask for it. He keeps whispering in my ear for me to go to bed. None of this escapes my mother's notice.

I finally give in to his demands to send me to bed. Dan'yel's just finished walking me to the tent, and giving me a goodnight kiss. I watch him walk away, and see someone in the shadows. I'm not scared, I know who it is.

"Mom," I say in Abydonian. My Abydonian has gotten so little use as of late that I sometimes forget words, but not that one.

"My baby," she says embracing me in a huge hug. "The curse has left you."

"Mom," I sputter as soon as I can breathe, "If you squeeze any harder you'll squeeze the baby right out of me."

"The baby!" she squeals letting me free.

"Yeah the baby," I say with a smile.

"Did you go to the healer?" she asks.

"No, it just happened," I smile.

"Five years," she says placing an arm around my shoulders. She looks into my eyes and says softly, "Why didn't you tell me? News like this? You were sitting at the wrong end of the table, Sha're, you should have been sitting with the mothers."

I look down, "I don't feel like I should be sitting with the mothers quite yet," I murmur.

"You're a mother," she said, "with a baby in here," she says touching my stomach, "and love in here," touching my heart. She studies my eyes which are wet with tears, "You're a mom," she says confidently turning to leave.

For the first time I feel like a mother, and I'm ready to tell everyone.

Daniel's POV

December 1991 Colorado Springs

I'd meant to go join her in the nursery. But when I got there I was too absorbed in the scene before my eyes. Her back was toward me, and she didn't hear me come in. I just lean against the door jam, cross my arms, and enjoy the show. She's folding clothes from the baby shower we had yesterday. She's big enough she can use her stomach as a table. As she folds she sings, "All through the night," and the words of each line are echoed in Abydonian. Between the folding she rocks back and forth rubbing her belly. That song finishes, and she sings an Abydonian lullaby in which all the "prayers" are substituted with "hopes" and the "Ra's" are substituted by "love." These words she echoes in English. Then she begins a riddle song, I've never heard before. Even though it is echoed in Abydonian I know it must be from my own home world.

"I gave my love a cherry that had no stone,

I gave my love a chicken, that had no bone,

I gave my love a story, that had no end,

And I gave my love a baby-with no crying.

Well how can there be a cherry that has no stone?

And how can there be a chicken, that has no bone?

And how can there be a story, without an end?

And how can there be a baby-with no crying?"

My mind is trying desperately to solve these riddles, but I'm coming up empty.

"A cherry that is blooming, it has no stone,

And a chicken that is piping, it has no bone,

And a story that I love you, it has no end."

And I get the last one, "And a baby that is sleeping" I join in. She turns to me startled, the folding falling off her stomach-table. "Has no crying," I finish for her.

She gives me a dirty look, "So you've just been standing there staring at me for who knows how long?"

"Three songs," I reply flippantly, "You're making our little baby bilingual eh?"

"To begin with," she replies, "After all it is yours, Dan'yel, and the goose's baby is good swimmer."

"Well the baby is also yours," I reply, "So we can expect beautiful, brilliant, loving, and patient," my hand going to that bulge of stomach. As much as I'm going to love holding that little baby when it finally arrives, I'm going to miss feeling it inside of her.

"Not to mention horrible taste in men, should our gosling be female," she teases, kissing me.

"Don't worry, I'll have Teal'c scare them all away," I reply.

She goes to kiss my ear, but instead I hear an Abydonian curse-the big one.

I pull back, and see her face.

"Labor?" I ask.

She rubs her belly slowly, "Oi, little Kitito ok,ok."

Kitito is her people's word for unborn baby-it's also a term of affection for all babies.

I haven't said "God" in five years, ever since I meet Sha're. There really isn't much that offends her. She may look sweet and innocent, but she's got a wild side. But the word "God" offends her in the same way "Ra" does. She doesn't want to hear the name of her mother's kidnapper in any of its forms.

But when I see my daughter "God," is the only sound I can produce. I hold the tiny bundle closer to me. She's perfect, small, pink, bald, and her tiny fingers wraps around mine. I'm not sure of her eye color yet, she doesn't like opening her eyes.

"If you are going to swear, my Dan'yel, do it in a language you don't intend your daughter to understand," Sha're says tiredly from the bed.

"What makes you think there is a language I don't intend for her to know?" I say.

Sha're giggles. "Ambitious are we my Dan'yel?"

"I don't know, I've seen your list of baby names, I think you're the ambitious one, Poker Chip."

"Dan'yel, you aren't going to tell our daughter about…the beginnings of our relationship are you?" she says looking worried.

"You want me to lie to this precious thing?" I ask.

"Mmm…I'll just have to tell her about the way you spent years trying to get me to date other men," she laughs.

She is giving our daughter a look that plainly meant she couldn't live another second without her in her arms. I stand. The baby doesn't fuss, just wiggles. I hold her close, her movements slow, "Shhhhhh, my baby," I murmurer. My voice instantly stills her. I look into Sha're's eyes as I place the baby in her arms murmuring half words in a variety of languages to keep her quiet. The girl is in love with words already-she is so my daughter.

"All that singing was good for you two," Sha're says with a smile, "She knows her father's voice."

"She's too little for that, it's just any sound," I say.

But she shakes her head, and looks at me in such a way that I cannot help but believe her.

I look at the baby and say, "I can finally prove one of the proverbs off that rock wrong," I say.

"Your precious rock?" she asks slyly, "Which one?"

"A perfect thing is never beautiful," I say smiling.

"Well, Dan'yel, she does look a bit like the half alien she is…pointed head and all." I stare at her in shock, "Newborns are not beautiful, Dan'yel," she says practically.

"This one is," I say offended. "Perfect and beautiful."

"She's a little nipplehead," Sha're says affectingly. My jaw drops, "If you can call me Poker Chip, I can call her…"

"No," I say running my finger along the baby's check.

"Well if we can't decide on a nickname maybe we can decide on a name," she says with a grin.

The baby opens up her eyes and looks right at me. She got Sha're's hazel. That's good. Good. "Hasina," I say with authority. Good in Sha're's language. It was somewhere on that six page list Sha're was considering (and teasing me she wanted to use them all, one by one).

"Think Daddy's right little one?" she asks, "Are you Hasina?"

She does a tiny baby hic-up. We'll take that as a yes.

Sha'uri's POV

December 1991 Colorado Springs

Definitely one of the most beautiful sights in the world. My husband fast asleep on the couch. On his chest is the tiny figure of my daughter. Her arms and legs are spread around him as if in a giant hug. His deep breaths are sending her up and down, and he's got both of his hands wrapped around her tiny frame. Both of them fast asleep. This is what life was made for.

Daniel's POV

January 1992 Colorado Springs

Sha're would make a truly awful soldier. I return from a mission, and she doesn't even hear me enter the house. She's oblivious. But I love it, because it often allows me to see some of most beautiful things in the whole world, like today.

Sha're is making dinner. Hasina is tied to her front in a wrap invented by Sha're's ancestors.

Between the measuring and the mixing Sha're moves to an open book, and reads Hamlet like an actress, "Neither a borrower, nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry, This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man."

Hasina gurgles. Our baby doesn't actually cry. She just gurgles. Sha're reacts so quick that's all she has time for. Ok, we react so quick that's all she has time for. I'll admit that little thing has me wrapped around her tiny baby fingers.

"Hey there Hass, how's it going baby girl?" she asks.

Hasina gurgles.

"Want to dance?" she asks the baby, pulling her out of her baby wrap.

Sha're tucks her in close to her, does a bouncing dance, and sings, "Is it too much to ask

I want a comfortable bed that won`t hurt my back. Food to fill me up. And warm clothes and all that stuff. Shouldn`t I have this. Shouldn`t I have this. Shouldn`t I have all of this, and…"

"Passionate kisses," I break in, walking up to Sha're, and delivering the thing she'd been asking for.

Sha're's POV

November 1992 SGC

I'd heard they'd captured another Gou'ald. She was in surgery right now, they were freeing her from the demon.

I remembered all the late night talks my mother and I had over wine, after the demon left her. This person didn't have family to talk to. She didn't have someone to cry with. She didn't have someone to make her tea and bring her a robe if she was cold. She was alone.

"Come on Hess," I say picking her up, "We're going to go see Grandma, Mommy has something to do."

Her eyes open after the surgery. She's still strapped down. They aren't sure if it worked. She blinks at me.

"What is your name?" I ask.

"Vala Mal Doran," she said.

"You have been freed from, the demon?" I ask.

"They took the parasite out of my head if that is what you mean," she says. I unhook the restraints. "What makes you trust me?" she asks warily.

"These people freed my mother from the demon. I thought it would work," I say with a smile.

"Where am I?" she asks.

"Earth," I say.

"Where the hell is that?" she asks sitting up, even though she shouldn't have so soon after the surgery.

"Tau'ri," I reply.

"The Tau'ri saved me?" she asks.

"Yes," I say.

"You are Tau'ri?" she asks.

"For five years I have been," I say with a smile.

"Well, can you show me who to thank, and the way to the chaa'pi?" she asks.

I blink at her, "How long was the demon in you?"

"I don't want to talk about that," she says turning her head away.

"But you really should," she softly.

"Name?" she asks looking at me.

"Sha're," I say.

"Sha're I'm not really the feelings type of gal," she says.

"Is that because you've never had anyone to share them with before?" she looks away. "You don't have to run, Vala, you could stay with my husband, baby, and I for a time. Deal with this horrible thing that's happened to you. Figure out the rest of your life."

She looks away, "Why would you do that for me?"

"You deserve something good," I say.

I see Dan'yel standing at the door. He looks surprised at me, "You can come in," I say.

It occurred to me I should have asked the woman in the hospital bed before I did that. I had forgotten a lot of things about being new to earth. First of all how odd infirmary clothes are. Vala pulls the sheets over them awkwardly. I know that what the Gou'ald was wearing on her body when she came in was a lot less than that, but it occurred to me that this woman might never have worn anything that skimpy.

He smiles, "I'm supposed to interview the former Gou'ald host," he says bashfully, "Is this a good time?"

"Any time is a good time for you, Sweetheart," she says winking at him.

I cough, "Vala, I'd like you to meet my husband, Dan'yel."

She flinches, "I'm sorry."

"It's ok," I say with a smile.

"No, I finally get the monster out of me, and then I act like the monster to the first person who has treated me with kindness.

"Dan'yel, this is Vala. I invited her to stay with us for a while."

"You did?" his voice is strained, and Vala frowns at it.

"So you want to know about my time as Qetesh," she says softly.

"It would be helpful in our continued fight against the Gou'ald," he replies coolly.

"It is the least I could do for the people who saved me," she says, she smiles at me, "Sha're, would you mind staying?"

I nod. She could definitely use a friendly face.

"Sha're what the hell was that?" he hisses as we leave the room.

"Dan'yel,' I say softly.

"Sha're, you invite some woman who is flirting with me, into our house. You used to accuse me of pimping YOU out," he says has all the critical attributes of a scream, but the volume of a whisper.

"Dan'yel, she didn't know you weren't available. Besides I doubt she was even serious. I mean she was just released from a Gou'ald. I doubt she's seriously ready to start dating. It's probably a defense mechanism."

"How could you invite a stranger into our house?" he asks in the same furious tone of voice.

"I thought it was as much my choice as yours," he says.

"It is, but a houseguest is something we should both vote on, there is our daughter to consider. Where is Hess anyway?"

"It's your mother's day off, she's got the baby. Daniel," he didn't deserve the accented word that drove him nuts today, "this woman has been through hell. You heard it. She's got no one to go home to. If we let her go she's going to walk through that gate, and run for the rest of her life. I want to help her. You said I could choice my life. You let me before. You let me choose school, choose the SGC, choose to just be a mother. Why wouldn't you let me help someone put her life back together?"

He's silent for a long time.

"I'm an ass," he says.

"If there were no wrongdoing, there would be no forgiveness," I said, running my hand down his arm.

"You know," he says with a smile, "I think that tablet is a lot more valuable than you thought," he said.

"You'd trade me in for it?" I ask with a grin.

"Not a chance," he says. We don't kiss at the SGC. But he gives me a look which is just as good as one.

"I'm going to go pick up the baby, and visit your mother for a while. You are going to convince that woman to come home with you," I say with a smirk.

"Pimp," he mutters, as I walk away.

Vala's POV

February 1993 Colorado Springs

My father came in and out of my life at will. My step mother sold me as a slave. My mother, bless her soul, was good to me between the constant flow of men through her life. My fiancé, well all of that would have gone differently had I not been taken by a Gou'ald.

Strange that the first constant presents in my life is strangers. Daniel and Sha're, they are amazing. Sha're and I have late night talks that have helped so much. Daniel always wakes up when I have nightmares. He sits on the edge of my bed awkwardly until I drift back to sleep. Sha're has taught me to cook and sew, and has tried her hardest to teach me to sing, but lord knows that isn't ever going to happen. Daniel got me approved for off world missions. I get to help people all the time. I fell alive, I feel like I belong.

I'll never be able to thank them enough for what they have done for me. I'm thinking of getting my own place. But not quite yet. Sh'are is helping me prepare for my first date. On my planet we didn't date so much as marry people your parents picked out. I was all ready to do that. But I never got the chance.

Then there was Qetesh who didn't date so much as dominate men. I don't like to think about that. I've talked about it, when the house is quiet and there is no one but Sha're. But the rest of the time I'd like to pretend my body was controlled and used by an evil parasite who liked the fact that I cried inside her brain each time she was with a man.

Now, I'm putting that behind me, and going on a date with Rodney McKay.

Janet's POV

June 1993 SGC

The problem with making friends with people you work with is they show up in infirmary cots. Sam's been there a few times, and Jack, and Daniel. All of whom I consider to be my friends. But it's much harder when it's Jonas.

Jonas is so quiet, so shy. He's the only one of my patients that still blushes when I have to give him a shot in the butt. I love that. He's so sweet that he really doesn't deserve to be hurt-ever. Any pain that man suffers is an affront to justice.

This isn't just any injury either. It's a pretty serious staff blast wound. It's not the sort of thing I'm good at. I'd rather it was some mystery disorder I know nothing about at first, but learn about and find a cure for long before I thought it would be possible. This is just one of those things where there is physical damage to the body. We don't have a miracle cure. All I can do is keep away infection and give him rest.

He's sleeping, and he looks so peaceful. Like a kid, that I let my hand swipe over his forehead. His eyes open and lock on mine. He smiles.

"I'm sorry," I murmur drawing my hand away.

"Don't be," he says.

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

"Better with you close to me," he says.

I blink. How sure am I that he doesn't have an alien virus?

"I'm sorry, that was out of line," he says looking toward the wall.

"Jonas…" I say.

"Blame Jack, he's been trying to tell me about how the men on this planet are more outgoing, and…"

"What do you say we go out to dinner when you get out of this place?" I ask.

"'Cause a cut of my jello wouldn't be impressive enough?" he asks.

"It takes quite a bit to impress me," I tease.

"Well I'll do my best," he says.

"Rest up, you've got quiet the wound," I say touching his shoulder lightly as if I was checking on his wound and not feeling how deliciously broad his shoulders are.


	8. Clever

Clever

Daniel's POV

May 1993 SGC

Sha're doesn't usually ask about my missions. We have the unspoken understanding that if there is something she needs to know, or something I need to talk about I'll do it. I've been keeping up my end so far, but today I think I'll take advantage of this.

I grab Janet's elbow as she walks past me, "Please don't tell Sha're," I whisper to her.

Her eyes grow large in surprise. "Daniel, you were supposed to be back from your mission two days ago. Your wife needs to know you are home."

"I don't want her to know anything," I say looking deep into her eyes. I can already feel the need to get back to that planet. This is not going to be easy.

Jack sits down in the chair next to me, and sits in silence for a little bit. The man has got to be pretty pissed at me right now. After all I did leave him as slave labor in a mine for four days.

"Daniel," he says, "Doc Frasier told me you wouldn't let her call Sha're."

"Sha're is better off not knowing anything," I say trying to wipe the sweat off my skin with the already soaked infirmary sheets

"That is a load of crap. She's got to be worried sick about you. And what is your plan? Never go home?" he asks.

"I don't know Jack. I haven't thought that far ahead. All I know is I can only deal with so much of the consequences of my actions at a time," I mutter.

"Daniel, Sha're can help you get through the withdraw. She'd want the chance to help you get through the withdraw."

I look away from him, "Jack, I agreed to marry someone else on that planet."

"I know," he says softly, "And you did so to trick her into letting you come here where you could get away from her. Get your friends to safety. Get off that damn sarcophagus high."

"I cheated on my wife, Jack," I say barely over a whisper.

"You and the princes…" he begins.

"Well, I didn't literally cheat on my wife, but promising to marry someone else is…" I begin.

"You were high, Danny boy. She's going to forgive you. Bottom line, you call your wife up, or I'm going to do it for you."

Sha'uri POV

May 1993 Colorado Springs

The phone rings and I run to it in panic. Usually when a mission is overdue I'm told why. Not being told is always something bad. Really bad.

"Sha're," It's Daniel's voice! He's alive! He doesn't sound particularly well or strong, but he does sound gloriously alive.

"Husband, what happened? How are you?" I exclaim.

"I'm…I'm going to be ok," he says softly.

"I'll be right there," I say.

"Drop Hess off at my Mom's ok. She doesn't need to see this," my heart falls within my chest. This is definitely going to be bad.

His eyes are closed on the infirmary bed. I stand there for a minute taking advantage of the moment to take stock of his state. Usually it's him looking at me when I don't know it. There doesn't seem to be any bodily injuries.

His eyes open. As soon as they meet mine they look away.

"What's wrong my Dan'yel?" I ask sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"I don't deserve you, Sha're," he says his voice cold and even.

"What happened to you?" I say, surprised by how much panic I hear in my own voice.

"Sha're I'm sorry," he says still not looking at me.

"If there were no wrongdoing, there would be no forgiveness," I say trying to make it sound light and easy.

"Don't give me that this time," he says, "You have to hear how much I messed up first, and then decide if you want me to come home."

My heart stops, but I answer with confidence, "I'd always want you to come home, Dan'yel."

"Sha're, there was a princess," I turn away and start to sob. He's rubbing my back, and I move away from him, "I didn't…I didn't actually do anything with the princess. Well…I kissed her once, but I had to. She was holding my team prisoner in the mines. She wanted me to marry her. I told her I was already married. She really didn't care. She kept putting me in the sarcophagus. The first time I was dead. I didn't know what it did tome untilwas until too late. It's a drug. I'm addicted to the drug. She kept trying to get me to marry her. I had to get away. I had to get my team away or she would work them to death. But it was so hard, because all I could care about was the sarcophagus. I couldn't focus…only when I thought of you and Hess could I focus for a minute. I had to get away. The only way I could get away was by promising to marry her. By kissing her. By telling her I had to come here and divorce you. But I never meant it. I just had to get away."

I turn back to him, "Just a kiss?" I ask.

"No tongue," he adds.

"And you never meant anything you told her?" I ask.

"In the beginning…when I told her I loved you. I meant that one," he says.

"I can forgive you that," I say brushing some of those long locks off his forehead.

"I'm so sorry Sha're," he says again.

"What is this withdraw like?" I ask him.

"Still can barely focus," he says shutting his eyes, "I'm scared it's going to get a lot worse."

I start to lay down next to him on the hospital bed. He scoots over making room for me.

"I'm here for you, no matter what," I say wrapping my arm around him.

"I don't deserve you, Sha're," he mutters.

"All you can focus on is your daughter and I?" I ask.

He nods.

"I've got something else for you to focus on," I say.

"What's that?" he asks his eyes closing.

"Your new little son or daughter," I say a grin splitting my face with the words. His eyes snap open, his mouth parts into a huge grin, and a hand settles on my stomach.

"Sha're," he says softly.

Daniel POV

May 1993 SGC

I know I'm pacing. I can't really help it. I don't really have much more control over my mouth than I have over my legs.

"You should feel the way the sarcophagus makes you feel! Anything that is wrong with you gone in an instant. The oldest of injuries gone! It would be great if we had one in the infirmity. Janet would never have to lose another patient. Someone comes in sick, injured, even dead, and poof all you have to do is throw them in the sarcophagus and they come back fine."

"Of course there is the obvious drawback," she says indicating me.

I'm covered in sweat, "Little drawback, no big deal," I say, "If we had it here we could control it. We could make sure nobody used it to much. We should go get it. Tell Jack to go get it."

"The last time your team was on that planet they were captured, Dan'yel," she says softly.

"It's a risk, but it's worth it. Worth it! Do you understand how valuable that technology is?" he asks.

"I think you just want to take another hit off of it," she says softly.

I fling a vase across the room. It misses Sha're's head by a little under half of a foot, and shatters into a million pieces against the wall.

"No! Sha're, I'm so sorry. Sha're you've got to get out of here," I say desperate, pleading.

"It's ok Dan'yel, you'd didn't hurt me," she say getting up and cradling my head in her hands, "It's ok my Dan'yel. You are going to be ok," she says softly.

My hand goes to her stomach, "Please, leave me, Sha're," I beg.

"The baby, and I are going to be fine, and you are going to get through this. Fight it, my Dan'yel."

Sha'uri's POV

May 1993 SGC

I hate to see him like this. The withdraw has gone way beyond him walking around free. They have him tied down to a bed. At my request they made it a queen sized bed. I just left for an hour with my daughter, I haven't seen her enough since this began. But Hasina has her grandmother, and my husband really needs me right now.

He's asleep. But sleep never lasts long for him. His entire body is covered in a layer of cold sweat, and whoever was watching him when I was gone missed a little remnant of his last throw-up when they wiped his face. I start by cleaning that off. Then I lotion underneath the straps. It's been helping the chafing a little, although there is still a lot of that. Then I wet the cloth cool, and begin to whip his body down.

His eyes jolt open.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to wake you," I say.

He's crying, "Sha're, I don't deserve you, Sha're. Go find someone better," his voice gets louder, "Get out of here!"

I lay the cloth down, and crawl into bed next to him. The straps prevent him from holding me, but I wrap my hands around his body. "I'm not going anywhere Daniel. I love you. No matter what. Forever and for always."

The sobbing stops, and he says, "How is Hess?" I tell him a few stories of his daughter. Then he asks, "baby?" I scotch down in the bed and angle myself oddly so his hand can open and touch my belly. For a few seconds there is happiness in his face, and then he drifts back into uneasy sleep.

I know the next time he wakes up he'll probably be screaming that we are committing murder by keeping him here. But at least this time, he was Dan'yel. My Dan'yel is returning to me.

Daniel's POV

May 1993 SGC

I bite my lip nervously as Jack returns through the gate. It might have been a fool's errand to send him back through the gate. But I thought the princess needed rescuing. I thought about going with him. But I really didn't want to see her again. Sha're may have forgiven me. But I hadn't forgiven myself.

Sha're even forgiven me when in withdraw I admitted the real feelings beneath it all.

"You didn't act on them. You didn't do anything, but what was necessary to bring your team home. You were drugged up to the point where you barely had control over you actions, and you still didn't betray me. Don't be so hard on yourself, Dan'yel."

But I still really didn't want to go back to that planet. I just hope that Jack, Teal'c and McKay didn't run into any problems without me.

They walk through the gate, "Teal'c blew the thing to bits with the princess' consent," McKay says with a smile.

And a little bit of me, the really bad part of me, is sad.

Sha'uri's POV

February 1994 Colorado Springs

A'kili, our son, whose name means clever, is laying on Dan'yel's chest. Going up and down just like his sister used to do. But everything is different with A'kili. He's wide awake, and has a startle reflex each time Dan'yel's chest moves beneath him. He looks like he's trying to do a little push up to prevent his body from touch Dan'yel's. Dan'yel doesn't know any of this, because he's sound asleep.

I walk over, and slip my hands beneath Dan'yel's and pick up A'Kili. His whole body goes stiff. Terror enters my heart.

"What's wrong Sha're?" Dan'yel answers. I've been worried about the new baby for all of the nearly a month since he was born. But I haven't wanted to worry Dan'yel about it.

He sits up and looks at me long and hard, "Sha're…Some mothers feel really sad after their babies are born…" I shake my head, and try to speak, but he continues, "It doesn't make them a bad mother. It's a chemical imbalance, there are treatments for it…"

"I don't have post-partum depression, Dan'yel," I say. I look at him. I should have known I wasn't fooling Dan'yel. That we could never fool one another. That keeping this from him just gave him a different kind of worry.

He draws me over to sit next to him, "What's wrong then?" he asks holding both me and the baby.

"Something is wrong with our son," I say.

He looks at the baby carefully, and then looks up at me.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"He never looks at us," I say.

"He's a month old, just because Hasina is a social butterfly, doesn't mean that's normal. I mean she doesn't have the stranger shyness most two year olds get either."

"I know, but this isn't normal. Aki never reacts to our voice. He hates to be touched. He won't sleep in the sling. He goes stiff every time someone picks him up. When he cries…touch and sound just make it worse. I can't comfort him," I say.

He pulls me closer, "All babies are different, Hess never cried…"

"Dan'yel," I say getting angry now, "I know that. I'm not expecting him to act like his sister. I do expect him to act like a human. To crave human contact. There is something seriously wrong here," I say.

Just then Aki starts to cry. His hard desperate cry which I know has nothing to do with food or diapers or anything I can fix for him. Dan'yel takes him from my arms. He does that thing he does with babies where he pulls them really close to him. But Aki just cries all the harder. He talks to him. I notice Aki seems to be trying to bury his ear in Dan'yel's chest. Dan'yel stands and rocks him. Nothing.

I take the baby from his arms. Dan'yel's eyes widen when he watches his tiny body stiffen like I've been talking about. I lay him on the couch. As soon as no one is touching Aki he cries a few more tears, and then lays still.

I collapse into Dan'yel's chest, and cry for a while. When look up at him I can see he has problem solving face on.

"Maybe we should take him to Janet," he says softly.

Janet's POV

February 1994 SGC

I normally wouldn't have paid too much attention to a mother of one month old that thought her baby wasn't social enough. But this wasn't any mother, this was Sha're. Sha're who didn't get alarmed when Hess went from speaking three word sentences to baby talk for an entire month a while ago. Sha're who calmed Sam down and told her that Davie's energy was normal (after my time babysitting that child I am inclined to disagree). This is Sha're who accepts every kid exactly as they are. So when she says there is something wrong I have to take second look at the kid.

"You say he doesn't react to sounds?" I ask.

"No, more like too much reaction to sounds. He acts like it's all too loud. Actually some songs do sooth him. If I sing super quietly, he likes that."

"Does he ever like to be touched?" I ask.

She turns away, for a second like I've slapped her. Daniel wraps his arms protectively around her from behind, "No, it always seems to stress him out. He can never sleep while he's touching someone."

I think about what this would mean. Hess spent most of her first year of life in constant physical contact with her mother. Sha're was definitely going to have to make a huge change in her parenting techniques.

"But here is what worries me the most," Sha're says as she picks up his son. The baby's body goes as stiff as a board. I have a sharp intake of breath. Sh'are looks at me, and her face isn't full of terror, but hope. Oh, but she doesn't know what I've just realized.

"You know what is wrong with him?" she asks.

"Sha're, we can't say anything with a kid this young," I say shaking my head.

"But if we know what it is we can start to treat it," she says.

"Sha're you know the difference between treatment, and cure right?" I ask. This is the part of my job I hate. The part where I have to tell someone that this time it will not all go away. That this time, I can't make it all better.

"Janet, please, I know something is wrong with him. I've known that since he was a few days old. Having something to call it isn't going to make it any worse," Sha're pleads.

I'm more worried about Daniel's reaction. I look to him. He knows what I'm thinking, and nods his head.

"Autism," I say.

Sha're seems to forget everything she knows about her son, and holds him as close to her as she can get him. He starts wail. Daniel pulls Sha're close against himself, and I let them have their family moment.

Sha'uri's POV

April 1994 Abydos

I'm always surprised no one sees in my son what I see in him. No one but Dan'yel and Janet have ever seen anything unusual in him, and both would have no doubt missed it had I not pointed it out to him.

My mother is gushing over the newest addition to her family. Aki is laying quite content in his portable baby carrier.

"Can I hold him?" she asks. She has no idea how loaded that question is. No one I've read has advice on what to do with a baby with autism, since they all insist you can't diagnose it until the kid is three or four. But they do tell you what to do latter. Most say avoid physical contact unless the kids likes it. But Grandin says they need it, even if they don't want it, and Grandin is autistic herself.

"Sure," I say with a smile, that doesn't reveal the thought that goes into even the smallest interaction with my second child.

She picks him up, and he begins to cry. She starts a loud lullaby.

"He likes things really quiet, Mom," I say. She sings softly to him, and he calms down quite a bit. As calm as he ever gets when someone is touching him.

"I guess he only really likes to be touched by his parents," Mom says with a smile.

I give her a weak smile in return. But it's not true. He'd fuss as much in my arms. In fact he probably can't tell the difference. That's hard for me to deal with after Hess who recognized the voices of both her parents the second she was born.

Just then Hess drops into my lap giggling. "Hey baby girl!" I say first in English and then in Abydonian. I've made a point to say things in both languages ever since the girl was born. I want her to be bilingual. With her brother I stick to one. He'll have enough trouble mastering one language.

"Momma, here everyone says secret language," she whispers in Abydonian my ear.

"Secret language?" I ask.

"Secret language," she repeats. I laugh. She doesn't remember her last trip to Abydos. I may have been teaching her Abydonian since birth, but I never told her what it was.

"Hesina, this is the language your mother learned to speak when she was young. It is the language you grandma," I indicated my mom, "and your grandpa, and your uncle speak. All my people speak your secret language."

She looks disappointed. She walks over and crawls onto her father's lap. "Daddy? Our secret language?" she asks in Gou'ald. My eyes bulge. I had no idea Dan'yel had been speaking Gou'ald to the girl.

He smiles, and answers her in English, "A lot of people speak that too baby girl, but I'm hoping you don't have to meet them.

She nods, "Trilingual," I say softly.

Dan'yel looks at the little girl in his hands, and smiles, "Sweat heart, can you tell Mommy about who else you have a secret language with?" he asks his daughter.

She smiles up at him, "Grandpa Ernest talks like this," she says in Nox.

"Four languages in two and a half years, the gooses' child is certainly a swimmer Dan'yel," I said.

"Actually she's not that great at Nox. And the brain is hard wired for languages in the first five years. Whatever language you have by five is the only language you aren't going to have to fight for."

That thought turns both of our faces grave as we turn to our other child stiff in his Grandmother's arms. Four years, nine months, and counting.

Daniel's POV

May 1994 Colorado Springs

When I come home Sha're is beaming, and Aki is actually quiet in her arms.

"Take him, Dan'yel," she says with excitement in her voice.

I shake my head, "He's happy, I pick him up, and he's going to start crying."

"I know," she says grinning wider.

I take him out of her arms, and he goes stiff and begins to wail. She takes him back holding him close, squeezing him and then releasing, squeeze, release, squeeze, release. He's starting to calm down, but isn't calm yet.

"Can I?" I ask. She nods handing him back to me. I do the same squeeze, release, squeeze, release until he's calm in my arms.

I can't stop grinning. My son will let me hold him!

Sha'uri's POV

January 1995 Colorado Springs

It has been a long day. Little Miss. Hesina has eaten nothing but peanut butter sandwiches for a solid week. I decided today was going to be the day she got other nutrients inside of her. Four hours later I gave her a peanut butter sandwich, because in the end the Geneva convention must apply to toddlers too.

She refuses to let me read anything to her at naptime. That shouldn't have bothered me, but reading children's books aloud is by far the best part of my day. She doesn't nap either. Whenever she doesn't nap I know it's going to be a long day.

Usually I spend all of Hesina's nap in a kind of therapy session for her brother. I also do things throughout the day, but he usually gets two hours of undivided A'kili time. So I tell Hesina to sit down with her books and read if she isn't going to sleep.

Yes, my three year old can read.

I lay A'kili down on the floor on his stomach. He's almost a year old. Usually when he goes on his stomach he's working right away at getting into a walking position. But he doesn't do that during our sessions. He's come to know what to expect. That's important for him.

I hand him his favorite toy. It's actually a Hesina's Barbie bicycle. Well, it used to be Hesina's Barbie bicycle. Now it's pretty much one wheel on half a frame. The spinning of it calms him. He needs calming during our sessions. I push the kid-hard.

I lay down in front of him, face to face, so he can't help but look at my face. There's no escape from it. I start by singing. He loves song. He can stand noises put to music he can't stand any other way. I get him to imitate my arm movements. He loves to play monkey. Then I have him imitate the sounds of my voice. He doesn't really say words yet, but every day they sound more and more like words, and we've got a few weeks before he turns one.

After a while we play peak-a-boo. This is the only time that I get real eye contact from him. A lot of the writers say I shouldn't push for eye contact. But Grandin says I should, and she's autistic herself, so I trust her. Besides, I'm starting the treatment a good three years younger than the experts, and the most important three years as far as that goes, so I can push for things they can't hope for.

It's been hard, working with him like this. But it's also been great. I mean eye contact, smiles, giggles. These are the things I struggle months for. With Hess I got them without asking within her first couple weeks of life. But when you get a smile after begging for it for a few months it means more.

Still two hours of trying to get facial expressions and words tires me out. I pick up Aki and hold him close to me. I do the squeeze release thing so he doesn't start to panic, and I sing softly. He relaxes against, me and falls asleep. I hold him for a while sleeping. This is the good stuff in life. But then I realize that Hess is not in the room, and that it's been quiet far too long.

I but Aki in his crib, and go out into the living room. Which has some new art work, provided by my three year old daughter.

I turn on the television to the kid's station. I don't usually plop my kids in front of the TV, but I am so done today. And then I start scrubbing. By the time I'm done an hour and half has passed. Hess whines as I shut off the tv, and downs another peanut butter sandwich. I'm not in the mood to fight that.

Aki wakes from his nap early, and fussy. Hess wants to finger paint. She throws a tantrum when I say not today. I'm about to take them to the park, and it starts to rain.

Finally I head to the bathroom. When I come out I see Aki chewing on an electrical wire, and Hess climbing on the counter to get the peanut butter jar. I usher both to safety, and call Catherine.

Catherine's POV

January 1995 Colorado Springs

I hear sobbing on the phone, and I'm not sure who it is at first. Then I hear, "Ca…Catherine?" and I know. My daughter in law.

"Sha're what's wrong? Are the kids ok? Are you ok?" I ask.

"Yeah, it was probably stupid to call you but…" she begins.

"I'll be right over honey, hang on," I say.

As she opens the door she looks completely ashamed. "I didn't mean to bother," she sees Ernest behind me and looks even more ashamed, "you guys…"

"Honey, Ernest is going to look over the kids. You're going to come to my house for a bath, and a nap. Then we're going out to dinner and a movie."

Her mouth is hanging open, and she's looking from one to the other.

"No arguments, come on," she says.

"Have fun girls!" Ernest shouts.

She sits down in the car, and I look at her. I'm worried. Maybe she needs more than I'm giving her. We'll have a conversation before I start driving"You ok, Sha're?"

"I'm a horrible mother, Catherine," she says with a sob.

"No way," I say glad my certainty got into my voice.

Her knees fold up under her chin. "Today A'kili chewed on an electrical wire, Hasina wrote on the walls, and climbed on the cupboards, neither took a decent nap, and Hasina has eaten nothing but peanut butter sandwiches for a week," she says burring her head in her knees.

"What were you doing while Aki was chewing on the wires and Hess was climbing all over and writing on the walls?" I ask, because lord knows this woman isn't a neglectful mother

"During the writing I was with Aki, for the other two I was in the bathroom," she says still hiding her face.

"Well, in that case you are a horrible mother. Good mother's never have to pee," I say. There is a tiny smile on her mouth hidden beneath her knees. "Come on, Sha're. Every mother has bad days. You're a fabulous mother."

She doesn't say anything.

"You can't be hard on yourself, especially with Aki," I say carefully.

Her eyes look up from me, her chin resting on my knees. "What about Aki?" she says.

"Sha're," I say, "I don't know what exactly it is. I don't even know if you've got a name for it. But I know that you and your son have decided that child has a problem, and you've been trying to rescue him from it. You can't be a super hero every day."

"Autism," She says softly, "He has autism."

"You sure?" I ask.

"You can't really diagnose someone with it until there older," she says.

"But you've read everything about it," I said smiling. I know this girl. She nods. "You don't have to be the miracle worker every day. Some days you can just survive. Some days you can call up your family and ask for a break, and we will always be there. I'll always be there."

Her knees go down, "Thanks Catherine," she says.

Daniel's POV

January 1995 Colorado Springs

I open the door and the scene is the same domestic bliss I do every night. My stomach lurches as I think about how it might all be fake. Mom hadn't told me much, but that I should talk to Sha're about the kids. Something in her face.

"Hey," I say with a smile.

"Daddy!" Hesina says in Abydonian.

"Sweetheart," I say in Gou'ald, "How was your day." And the truth is I almost want my daughter's answer.

"Fine," she says. She always says fine. It doesn't mean anything.

I slide next to Sha're on the couch, and take our son from her hands. "Hello," I say slowly. His eyes flit away from mine. I touch his nose, and then mine. "ho," he says. "Ho," I repeat five or six times tickling him and grinning.

"How was your mission," Sha're asks.

"Good, how was your day?" I ask seriously.

"I see you've had a chat with your mother," she says with a smile. She turns to Hesina, "Honey, can you take your brother to the toy room?" she asks with a smile, "and don't write on the walls."

"She wrote on the walls?" I ask when they were gone. She nods. I scoot away so I can look at her eyes. "Sha're are you ok?"

"Fine, Dan'yel," she says.

"Give me an answer that means something. Sha're if you don't want to do this anymore you don't have to. When Hess was born you decided you wanted to be a stay at home mom. That doesn't mean you have to do it forever. I mean we didn't expect…"

"I love my kids," she says defensively. I'm doing this all wrong.

"I love my kids too, not being here all day doesn't mean you don't love your kids," I say.

"I didn't mean that," she says softly.

"I know what you mean. No matter what you'd be a good mom."

"I appreciate where this is coming from. I had a bad day. You're mom told you I had a bad day. But that doesn't mean I don't want to keep doing this. You have bad days at work, right?" she asks.

"I'll say," I smile at her.

"Doesn't mean you want to quit does it?" she asks playing with my fingers.

"I get it, but you need to take breaks, ok, Sha're," I say.

She nods. I run my fingers through her hair. "Your mom gave me that lecture already," she says.

"Let's go visit your parents next week when I have time off," I say, "And if you want to get someone to watch them once in a while."

She nods. I give her a kiss. "I'm going to go talk with Aki," I say with a smile. By which I mean time for me to do our version of therapy, and her to give Hess extra attention she doesn't get jealous.


	9. Broca

Beyond Broca

Sha'uri's POV

May 1995 Colorado Springs

Hesina crawls down on the floor to play with A'kili. I smile at my kids, and take this chance to tidy up the living room. My back is turned from them for a moment, and I hear crying, and I turn.

"What happened?" I ask scooping up the bawling Aki.

"Don't know mom,"Hesina replies in English.

"Did he fall?" I ask.

"Don't know mom," she replies in Abydonian.

"Where does it hurt?" I ask Aki. He doesn't answer me. I lock with his eyes. He looks away. I grab his chin. "Where is the owie?" I ask. He talks sometimes, but he doesn't answer questions. He isn't touching anywhere. "Hess, where was he hurt?" I ask again.

"I don't know Mom!" she shouts in Gou'ald before running out of the room.

An hour later I'm making lunch. Aki is in his high chair, and Hess comes into the room. I turn just in time to see her smack her brother hard on the arm. He's wailing. I pick him up and do the squeeze thing that calms him down.

"Why did you do that?" I ask her. She doesn't answer. She just leaves the room. "Honey, you can't hit people. Hess, you can't hit your brother!" I shout after her.

Dan'yel isn't going on a mission today, and he's on what should be his lunch break, so I figure I'd give him a call.

"Sha're?" he says. "I can't really talk. Things are pretty crazy here. There seems to be some kind of a virus and everyone is getting sick. I'm immune or something, so I'm helping Janet in the infirmary. We're under quarantine, so I won't be coming home anytime soon."

"What does the virus do?" I ask.

"It's kind of complicated," he says.

"Your daughter is running around smacking her brother as hard as she can," I prompt.

"You might want to bring the kids in," he says, "Looks like I gave my family a nasty virus, I'm sorry."

"Uh, what other symptoms might there be?" I ask.

"Anything cave man like."

I walk into the infirmary and Dan'yel gives me a tired little smile.

"I made a room for Hess, has Aki acted any differently?" he asks.

I look away for a second, "I could be imagining it, but it's almost like he wants to be touched more. Could be because his sister keeps smacking him, he wants to be near me, but…I don't know."

He smiles, "We want to draw some blood. See if my natural immunity got into Aki. How about you, feeling primal?" he asks.

Honestly ever since he walked into the room I've been thinking about nothing but him naked, but I'm not about to admit that. "I'm fine, Dan'yel," I say.

I help with monitoring the patients, the whole time with my son on my hip. I check on Hess frequently. She's got a private room. Hardly anyone has a private room, but Dan'yel managed it for his daughter. We've been there a few hours when suddenly Dan'yel walks too close to me, and I lose it. I set my son down and push Dan'yel up against the wall. I start kissing him, but it only last a second before he has me at arm length. He does a nervous little laugh, "Sha're we made a deal no kissing at the SGC, ever. Now can I trust you to share a room with Hess?" he asks.

"I wouldn't hurt our daughter," I protest.

"I know you wouldn't, normally," he says warily.

"I'm fine," I protest, "Not even affected, just," my voice drops down to a purr, "Come to your office with me for a while."

"Sha're," he says with a sigh pointing me toward our daughter's room. And I go. He picks up Aki.

Vala's POV

May 1995 Colorado Springs

I see Sam in the infirmary for her post-mission check-up at the same time I'm in for mine. We're some of the very few woman who go on off world missions, so I always stop for a chat. In hindsight that's where my night started to go wrong. But I didn't know that then.

Scheduling time to be with Rodney has gotten complicated since I joined SG-3. SG-1 and SG-3 rarely have the same downtime. So almost always when we're both on world with no unsightly early mission the next morning we plan a date. This was no exception.

I don't have a clear memory of the night. But here is what I do remember. Apparently the night started to go crazy when McKay accused the waiter of looking at me, and got into a fist fight with him. Apparently in my altered state I found that attractive, and we went out to his car to have sex. At some point after that we started fighting. The police were called. We made out in the cop car. We fought as they drug us into the police station. The SGC noticed us missing and unaccounted for two days after everyone else was healed and gave us antidote in lock down.

Life is never boring at the SGC. But the good news is I know I can beat the crap out of my boyfriend.

Jonas POV

May 1995 Colorado Springs

I sigh. I don't remember much of what happened when I was still under the influence of the virus, but I remember enough.

Janet enters. Carefully, with two SF's between her and I the whole time. God.

"How are you feeling?" asks.

"I am so sorry, Janet!" I say.

"More like yourself I see," she says, "Relax airmen, I can give him his next dose," she says with a smile. They both leave the room.

"Well, I think everyone is going to know about our relationship now," I say hanging my head.

"I'll say," she says giving me a shot in my arm.

"How is the guy I punched?" I ask.

She giggles. Actually giggles at me, "He's fine. He wouldn't get within three feet of me, because he actually believe that threat a crazy eyed alien gave him, but he's fine."

"You shouldn't find this funny," I scold.

She rakes the hair off my forehead, "Honey, if I didn't find alien viruses funny I'd go nuts in a week. But I do want to talk about that thing you shouted while you were beating up anyone who touched me."

"You mean the 'I love her,'?" I ask.

"That would be the one," she says with a smile.

"I meant it you know," I say with a smile.

"Wasn't sure," she says. "Didn't want to tell you I loved you back until you'd said it in your right mind."

"I love you," I say.

"I love you, too," she says, "And for the rest of the things you shouted, we'll have to wait until we're off base."

Crap. I don't remember them.

Sha'uri's POV

May 1995 Colorado Springs

He smiles at me, "You are yourself again Sha're?"

"Yes, Dan'yel," I say exasperated by the whole experience, and a little annoyed he was immune from the virus and therefore the humiliation, "Was Aki immune?"

"Yeah, allergy medicine is what did it," he says.

"No miracle cure," I say, and I can tell by his face that he knows I'm not talking about the Brocca virus.

"No miracle cure," he repeats.

"It was scary when he was crying and I didn't know why. You know. He'll never be able to tell me what I wrong," I say almost in tears.

"He will talk Sha're," he says with a smile.

"It's like he has his own little world, and we can't come in," I say.

"He'll be fine, Sha're," he says with a pat on my hand.

Vala's POV

July 1995 SGC

I'm pretty sure I'm going to throw-up. There are actually a couple of different reasons for this, but right now I am focused on the one that involves Rodney-my boyfriend quarantined on an alien planet. No one gave me details, but I know it's pretty bad. They give me access to the video camera, and all move a polite distance away.

"Rodney," I say trying to sound cheerful and smile. Is it just me, or does he look older? Whatever this illness is must have stressed me out.

"Vala," he says. He has that dear-in-the-headlight look. "Did Daniel talk to you?"

"No, no one told me anything except that you had a disease and was quarantined on Argos," I say.

"Well, I know Daniel said he wasn't going to talk to you, but I figured he'd take pity on me, and change his mind," he mutters.

"Rodney, you have got to tell me what is going on. Because I'm starting to freak out here," I say.

"I was drugged!" He blurts.  
>"Uh, ok…but why wouldn't they take you back here if you're just drugged?" I ask.<p>

"That's not all that's wrong. It's just before I tell you what I did I have to let you know that I was drugged at the time," he says.

I nod. I'm getting more and more worried by the second.

"Ok, so this girl comes and offers everyone cake. Well, not everyone exactly. She really wanted to give it to Jack. But Jack happened to be talking about Sam, and that made the girl turn away. It's not like I wasn't talking about you. I mean I wasn't, but that doesn't mean anything. I do talk about you a lot. I just wasn't talking about you right then…"

"Get on with the story, Rodney," I say.

"Ok, well anyway I eat the cake, which apparently was drugged. Then Cynthia…uh…that was the girls name, Cynthia started doing this dance."

"You trying to tell me you got a lap dance on an alien planet, Rodney?" I ask.

"I wish!" he exclaims.

I give him a glare that could skin fish.

"I mean I wish that was all," he says.

My stomach drops, "Rodney," I say. I want it to sound stern, but it comes out like pained.

"I was drugged. And she finished her dance. And just because I was drugged, I go with her and…" he says.

"You slept with some alien chick," I way my voice sounding even despite the fact that I was putting a lot more focus on not throwing up than on what my words sounded like.

"I was drugged," he said again.

"This doesn't explain why you aren't coming home," I say. My worry not stopping my anger.

"The people of Argos only live one hundred days. They have some robots in their blood that make them age faster than normal. And these robots are passed by the exchange of fluid."

"That's one hell of an STD," I say still sounding pissed although I've more or less crossed over into worry now.

"They brought back samples, they are trying to work on a cure," he says.

"And you're aging a year per day?" I ask.

He nods, "They better figure this out fast, or you'll be way too old for me," I say trying to remain flippant about the whole thing.

"Vala, I am seriously so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am," he says.

"You do know you were sleeping with someone who is what? A few months old?"

"One month old," he says.

"Pervert," I tease.

"I'm so sorry," he says again, not in the mood to find this situation funny. I find that just a little bit comforting.

"We'll talk about this when you get home, safe and sound," I say with a smile. Right now, for a second, I wish we'd said I love you before. But we've never said that to each other. Right after he cheats on me isn't going to be the first time I say that to him. Even if he might be dying. We say goodbye, and I finally lose my battle for the keeping of my lunch. The people in the control room look at my sympathetically. They probably think it has to do with Rodney. Well it does, but not the way they are thinking.

Sha're's POV

July 1995 Colorado Springs

I'm pretty annoyed. Whoever is ringing my door bell at midnight thirty better have a damn good reason.

"Sha're," Vala says softly. She looks like hell. I remember hearing about Daniel's last mission. What happened to Rodney, who Vala has been dating.

"Come on in," I say. My anger is gone.

"I'm sorry to bother you so late," she says.

"No problem, want some wine, some coffee?" I ask. These are two things she usually jumps at the chance to consume. We spent many nights over these two things talking about what was going on in her life.

"No thanks," she says.

I sit down on the couch, and smile, "So talk about it."

"Rodney cheated on me," she said.

Somehow this surprises me. I mean I guess that is technically true, but from the way Daniel told the story it didn't seem like it was all his fault. Plus I thought she'd be more worried about the fact he might be dying.

"He was drugged," I offer.

"That is exactly what he kept saying, over and over again," she mutters.

"Vala, remember how we talked about how you aren't responsible for the things Qetesh did while in your body?" I say.

"He didn't have a Gou'ald in him," she says softly.

"No, but a girl did give him a date rape drug, and then have sex with him in what I understand was a pretty public place. An act which gave him a possibly deadly disease. I don't think he'd choosethat."

Vala is crying. Crap went too far. I wrap her in my arms, and hold her until the tears stop.

"I'm sorry I'm acting like a blubbering idiot," she says.

"We all do that sometimes," I say smiling.

"Must be the hormones," she says. Vala isn't normally one to be so open about her cycle. She's usualy bashful about that. I'm about to offer her some chocolate. Earth's cure for mood swings, we she adds, "'cause I'm pregnant."

"You're pregnant?" I repeat.

She nods.

"Does Rodney know?"

She shakes her head.

"It is Rodney's right?" I ask.

"Of course not, I'm the kind of girl who would be pissed at her boyfriend for sleeping with someone else while drugged while she is pregnant with someone else's baby," she says sarcastically.

"Right, I'm sorry, stupid question," I say.

"Thing is, we were always so careful. And then the stupid Broca virus, and we aren't thinking about protection anymore," she says with a sigh, "And then just when I finally get up the courage to tell him he's on an alien planet married to another woman. He didn't even tell me that part. Your husband spilled the beans on that one."

"Rodney didn't know he was marrying her. It doesn't really count if he doesn't know," I offer.

Her head bangs against the table, "The father of my child is married to another woman, and dying on an alien planet."

I wrap my arms around her, and shut up for a little bit, because really words don't fix things like this.

When she's calmer. I ask, "Do you know what you're going to do about the baby?"

"I always thought…I mean I never knew how opposed I was to abortion. Then I had this baby inside me. I can't even consider it. Adoption is probably what I should do. I mean I could give the baby a chance at a good life. But in the end I think I'm going to be way too attached to it."

"You know I'll be here to help. And Catherine is retired, and loves babies," I say patting her hand.

"I appreciate that," she says with a smile, "I don't know if it's better to wait until we know Rodney's alright to tell him, or tell him how," she says, "I mean he has so much on his plate."

"If you thought you were going to die, wouldn't you want to know a part of you is going to live on?" I ask.

A'kili's screams break through the night. I get up to go to him, and Vala follows me. When we get to the room she leans against the doorpost. I go in and pick him up, "Mother," he says. He's a year and half, and still only has nineteen words. Each of these words is a command, a demand. He has no other use for language than getting his needs met. This particular word means pick me up right now.

That's the biggest change in Aki. He likes to be held a lot now. I pick him up, and he tells me "squee" "squee" I barely hold him between, and when he asks for a squeeze I give it to him. Being in control of physical contact makes it endurable for him.

I turn to Vala, she's grinning at me. "Can Auntie Vala hold you, Aki?" I ask.

He looks at her, "Yes," he says.

She takes him, and looks so much like a mother. She does that little squeeze thing until he's relaxed. She places him back in his crib, and her hands are on her own stomach.

"I never thought about kids. Or if I did in some distant way where I would have my whole life together before they came along. But now that this one is coming…I can't wait," she says with a smile.

"You need to tell Rodney," I say.

"He's going to freak," she says.

"If you predicted your own reaction before there was a real baby you would have thought you were going to freak right?" she nods, "So maybe you're wrong about him to. It's his kid." She nods, "Going to stay here tonight?" I ask.

"Yeah, could you get me paper and pen, before you go to bed?" she asks.

"The baby needs rest," I say.

"I'll give it some, just after I write its father a really important letter, ok?" she asks. I nod, and get her what she needs.

Rodney's POV

July 1995 Argos

As soon as I see her face on the video screen I start saying, "Vala, I'm so sorry, so sorry, Vala."

She gives me this faint worried smile, "Listen Rodney, there is a note in your supplies. I need you to go get it, and read it to yourself right now. I don't want the control room to know what it says, but I want to see your face as you read it."

"Ok," I say, "But you know I'm so sorry Vala." I go over and get the note, and settle down in front of her to read it.

"_Rodney,_

_ First of all we'd better discus your current situation. I haven't forgiven you for it. But I'm going to. When you are back healthy, and safe, I'll eventually forgive you. After you suck up and buy me some nice things of course. I know that it was mostly not your fault. That she drugged you, and that it was basically a rape. That you are the victim._

_ But I'm still mad. For now._

_ I also wish you'd told me you were married to her. It hurt to find that out second hand. I'm also wondering what you are going to do about that marriage. I'd like for you to tell me that now."_

I look up at Vala's face through the TV screen, "I already had it annulled. I didn't want to die married to someone I wasn't in love with. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about that part. I figured the parts I did tell you were enough to make you hate me."

I see something in her face when I say, "wasn't in love with." I know I've never said those words to Vala. And right now with four control room techs pretending they aren't watching is not the right time. I go back to the letter.

"_But the real purpose of the letter is to let you know the consequences of the last time you had sex under the influence of alien technology-namely the Boca virus (at least I'm hoping that was the last time you had sex under the influence of alien technology). The consequences of that action is a little baby growing inside of me. Don't freak out."_

I lock eyes with Vala. I'm freaking out. Trying not to show it.

"Vala," I say. My stomach is doing flips, but I'm smiling.

"You're smiling," she says sounding really surprised.

"That is what people tend to when they find out good news," I say.

"I didn't know you'd be considering this good news," she says carefully.

"It's surprising, unexpected news. It's news that makes me extra sure I want to get home safe, and not leave you to deal with said news alone. But it's good news. How do you feel about the news?" I ask.

"I think you have some letter left," she says.

_"This is so not the way I wanted to tell you. But there it is. I'm pregnant. I'm definitely keeping the baby. I don't know how you feel about this, but it's the only choice I can make. As soon as I knew it existed I loved it."_

I smile at her in the screen, "Good choice," I say smiling at her. She starts to cry. I lift my hand to wipe the tears away they hit screen. Can't touch her. Back to the letter.

_I wish could tell you under different circumstances. I would love to wait until you got home. But if you died without knowing that a piece of you lives on. I couldn't deal with it._

_ And don't worry. I won't name the baby Meredith Jr."_

"Vala, I have a sister. I know I don't talk about her much. Her name is Jeannie. Jeannie Miller. You know where I keep my address book right," she nods. "If this doesn't work out, you have to find her. Tell her who you are. She'll be there for you."

"You're going to be fine, Rodney," she says looking even more worried.

"Of course I am, this is just in case," I say with a smile.

"Ok, well, I just wanted you to know that Rodney," she says with a smile, "I'm going to get going now. You make sure to get better," she says with a grin.

The stargate shuts down, and I lean against a rock. I can't believe I'm going to be a father. Or rather that if I live, I'm going to be a father. The chances of living long enough to actually meet this kid don't look too great. Guilt gnaws at my stomach. I'm such as screw up. Not one, but two bouts of sex leave me dying of an alien virus far away from the mother of my child. Really messed this one up.

I never really thought about being a father. I never would have said, "Hey let's have a kid." Not now, and probably not ever. But the thought of my kid actually existing. It's a good thing. A terrifying good thing. It'd be a better thing if I wasn't about to die.

Janet's POV

July 1995 SGC

It's bad enough that I'm losing sleep trying to save the world's most annoying person. It's made much worse by the fact that his annoying girlfriend is in here trying to help me. Finally I can't take it anymore.

"Vala, you know nothing about medicine or science. I understand you want to help, but you are just not qualified to help."

One hand goes to her stomach, and she starts to cry. "I'm sorry," I say.

"No, I'm sorry," she says whipping away her tears, "It's these damn hormones."

I freeze, "hormones?"

"Yeah, you thought there were no effects left from the Broca virus. Turns out there is one more, and with any luck it will be around for some ninety years. Unlike its father," she says.

"Vala, I didn't know," I say rubbing her back. Then I pause, "I'm your doctor you should have told me. If it's from the Broca incident you've got to be two months along. We should…"

"Save McKay, and then you can probe the pregnant alien," she says pointing to my microscope.

Deep breath. I'm used to doing the impossible. Maybe I should call Sam to come to the impossible with me. I think I remember something about nanotechnology in her file.

Vala's POV

August 1995 Colorado Springs

I had no idea the father of my child was such a whiner. "You told me to contact your sister," I remind him.

"No, actually what I said was, 'If I die contact my sister.' They found the cure. I'm not going to die. So there is no need to involve Jeannie."

"We're still having a baby," I remind him.

"That's no reason to involve my sister. I meant if you were all scared and alone and needed someone to help you. You don't need her. You have me," he's trying to start an argument by making me sound all defenseless. I'm not taking the bait.

"You're useless. I want Jeannie. Now are you driving to the airport or am I?" I ask.

"If we don't pick her up, do you think she'll go away?" he asks.

"I'm driving then," I say snapping the keys out of his hand. The fact that he hates this woman this much means she's got to be someone really fun to know. I look over at him, and can't help but smile. So glad he's not dying of old age right now. So glad my baby is going to have a father. Although…I'm sort of hoping whining isn't genetic. Two whinny McKays might drive me over the edge.

Jeannie's POV

August 1995 Colorado Springs

"Meredith!" I exclaim as loudly as I can giving him the sort of hug which humiliates him. Serves him right, "First time you talk to me since I get married, and it's only because your girlfriend invites me out to see you!" I turn to her, giving her a big hug, "You must be Vala."

"That I am," she says with a wide grin.

"So where are you from Vala? Are you a native to Colorado?" I ask.

"Actually I'm from a little planet you people like to call P3X-792, that is originally, most recently I was living on…" she says.

Meredith shoots her a dirty look, "Vala, could you cut out the, 'I'm an alien' jokes with my sister. No one finds them funny."

She grins at him, "Whatever you say Meredith."

"I told you, you couldn't call me that," Meredith protests.

"She can," Vala grins.

"She's my sister," he says.

"Well I'm the…" Vala starts.

"Vala!" he says, and she clams his mouth shut.

"So what do you see in him?" I ask her.

She looks over at him with a wide grin, "To be perfectly honest. I haven't the slightest idea."

I haven't seen my brother once in the year since I got married. He seems to think I was a complete idiot for getting pregnant and getting married. But I love my daughter, and I wouldn't change it for the world. This past six months being home with my daughter are things I wouldn't trade for the world. Granted she was a bit of an accident. I meant to work five or six years before having a family. But life doesn't always go the way it's planned.

The only bad thing about having Madi was losing Meredith. It isn't like we were ever that close. I mean we never really understood one another, or had a string of touchy feeling moments. But once in a while we'd get working on a physics problems, and…we had some connection. Some closeness. Something I've totally lost ever since I left the physics world, and my brother skipped my wedding.

There is something going on between the two of them. I'm not quite sure what it is. But there is some closeness between them I've never seen Meredith have with anyone before. She holds his hand, runs her fingers over his collar, and rests her hand on his knee. He lets her do all this. He even scoots his chair closer to hers.

He glances at her stomach. Suddenly I get it.

"Oh my God, she's pregnant!" I exclaim. Meredith, Vala, the waiter, and about half the restaurant turn to stare. But I don't care, because I'm so right. "Congratulations Meredith!" I add at a normal volume.

Vala's POV

August 1995 Colorado Springs

Jeannie and I have been having fun all night. Rodney, not so much. He has just been picking at his food, and staying quiet. When Jeannie gets up to go to the bathroom I ask him what's wrong.

"A year ago Jeannie got married. She was having a baby, and she quit physics to stay home with the baby. I thought it was a big waste of talent, and we haven't really talked since," he says quietly.

"You're talking now," I say, "Well, actually I'm talking, you're moping. But you could be talking. See you open up your mouth, and…"

"Yeah, I made contact with her. No, not even, my pregnant girlfriend made contact with her. Only because I'm in the same situation she was in a year ago. I feel like a hypocrite. I wasn't there when she needed me, and she's right here for me."

I would have warned him if I'd seen Jeannie behind him, but the honest truth is I didn't. Not until I hear her voice.

"You're not too late, Meredith, I could always use a brother."

Sha'uri's POV

September 1996

It's official. Kindergarten is a complete waste of time for my daughter.

Right now she's reading the Ramona Quimby series. Not exactly the kind of literature her classmates are tackling, even the one other student who can read is working through Dr. Seuss. She can add, and subtract in her head than most kids double her age can with a calculator. She can even do a bit of fractions based on helping me cook. Her handwriting isn't that great. But she's pretty good about getting her thoughts down on paper as long as she can sound out the spelling words. And she is of course fluent in three languages, with a smattering of two more.

Dan'yel comes through the door. "How was school today?" he asks her.

"Boring," she responds with an eye roll, as she leaves the room.

He looks at me. "Dan'yel. I'm thinking of homeschooling Hesina. We should maybe enroll her in piano and swimming lessons for socialization and gaining a little challenge and the rest I can teach her hear. She already knows everything they plan on teaching her for the next two years."

"You want to do this? Because there are other options. Skipping grades, gifted programs…" he stops in the middle, grinning, "You really want to do this," he says with confidence, "Yeah, I think we should get the paper work going. Maybe we want to leave her in for gym and recess just so she can make some friends," he adds.

"Maybe art too," I say thoughtfully, "Don't know anything about art, and she does enjoy it."

"We'll talk to the teacher about it," he says giving me a kiss.

A/N: I'm aware that I'm having Madison Miller entered the world three years earlier than in the non-AU version of the story. But this story is AU. So I'm ignoring what I know about genetics, and pretending the exact same sperm intersected with the exact same egg three years earlier. If you are a Stargate fan you obviously are capable of believing that aliens taken from ancient Mongolia, North America, Africa, and every other spot on the globe all speak English, and live on planets that all look like British Colombia. So this shouldn't be hard for you. Suspend the disbelief baby.

Also, if you think my take on Hesina is unrealistic most of it is based on a real FOUR year old I know, and Hesina is five. I made her a little better writer, and added in the fractions, but I figure that isn't too much for a year of development.


	10. additions

A/N: I'm a sucker for reviews. I almost always follow reviewer suggestions, and almost always answer review questions about what will happen next. Plus they make me write much faster.

Jonas POV

March 1995

She's so beautiful. So brilliant. So strong. I can't imagine the thought that she'll actually accept this.

"You're not listening, Jonas," she says sounding annoyed. I wasn't even aware she was talking.

"Sorry," I say, "I love you," I say.

"Those words have come out of your mouth enough times that they won't get you out of every bit of trouble you get into anymore," she says with a laugh.

"I going to love you forever," I say. She's just looking at me. A bit stunned. "Will you marry me?" I ask slipping the ring out of my pocket.

"Jonas," she says, "I love you too, yes," she says with a grin.

Janet's POV

January 1996 Colorado Springs

I suppose I was a bit hard on McKay from the beginning. The last expectant father to come through my infirmary was Daniel Jackson. See unless you are an alien, or have parts of alien things inside you, you don't choose me to deliver your baby. So there was Daniel Jackson, disgustedly sweet, fascinated by every part of the process, and with previous experience in childbirth.

Compare that to McKay. I mean the man is there for Vala, at least in a physical sense, he makes it to all the appointments. But he spends a lot of them out in the hall. The man goes pale whenever I say words like "amniotic fluid", "pelvic exam" or God forbid "vagina". It's really hard to not throw in more of them just for fun, but there is that whole, Hippocratic oath thing. "First do no harm." I could probably get off on a technicality since McKay isn't my patient right now.

"I'm going to tell him I don't want him in the delivery room," Vala says.

"He'll be relieved, you're very merciful," I reply.

"It's for you benefit. I don't want you to have to deal with him passing out or having a panic attack while I'm in labor. Actually I'm hoping I have Sam's luck, and get to give birth when he's safely off world," she giggles.

The exam is complete and I switch from doctor to friend in a split second. "Ok, so how are things going with McKay?"

"Great," she says in a voice which actually doesn't sound sarcastic.

"Great? Are you sure? McKay?" I ask.

"He's totally freaking out, and trying to hide it. I'm letting him think he's hiding it," she says with a grin.

"That doesn't sound great to be Vala, that sounds like one step up from horrible," I say.

"I don't know, maybe I've got low standards or something. I mean my Dad only came around when he was hiding from people he cheated. My mom was there for me in between the guys who offered her a better life. My step-mom got rid of me the first second she could. My fiancé spat on me, granted I was a Gou'ald then. But he risked his life pissing that Gou'ald off just to let me know that he hated me. So Rodney's freaking out. Things aren't exactly how he wants them. He doesn't really want to be a father. But he's pretending he does. But he's here. He's staying. I guess…I don't know, more than I expected out of life."

"Vala you are aware that you are beautiful, intelligent, and could do much better than him right?" I ask only half kidding, ok less than half kidding.

"Call me nuts, I actually like McKay," she says hoping down from the table, "Maybe more than like," she says grinning like a junior high girl confessing her first crush.

As she walks away I wonder what kind of a father my husband is going to be, Daniel or McKay? And I place my hand on my stomach.

Vala's POV

February 1996 Colorado Springs

Crap. I was really hoping I wouldn't be with Rodney when I went into labor. Not only am I with him, but he's planned this really nice date. I consider staying. But if I have him take me home right now, I might be able to hide the fact that I'm in labor. Go without him, and have the baby without having to worry about his reactions.

"Rodney, I'm so sorry, this dinner is just lovely, but I'm really not feeling well," I say with a smile that usually makes him stop asking questions.

"You're sick?" he asks, "what kind of sick?"

Might as well stick close to the truth, "Stomachache."

His eyes grow wide, and he says to loudly, "Is that a code word for labor?"

No use lying to him, "Yes, but we have lots of time, I'm in the very early stages," I say soothingly.

His face is really pale now, "I'll be right back, I have to go cancel the soufflé we ordered. Don't move," he says. So he's panicked, but still McKay enough to cancel our dessert order.

I look around at the nearby tables. All of whom are giving me their full attention, "Anyone want to do a public service of keeping that maniac off the road by giving me a lift?" I don't expect volunteers by offer up an, "anyone? Anyone?" anyway.

Rodney comes back and I see something other than panic in his eyes. I see-disappointment. I'll try to work out what that is all about later. First baby. No, first calming Rodney down so we don't die in a car crash on the way to have baby.

Rodney's POV

February 1996 Colorado Springs

I really wanted to stay in the room with Vala. But the doctor starts looking between her legs and talking about what she sees and I'm out in the hallway. I'm pretty familiar with the hallway, it's where I've been for all of Vala's doctor appointments. But this time is different. This time I've already been out here for an hour, and from what Vala had told me about labor (knowing I wasn't going to do well with a book) it probably wouldn't be over any time soon.

I feel cheated. I was supposed to have two and half more weeks before this baby came. The baby should have known I needed that time to prepare. Actually, I could use a couple more years to prepare. But even one more day would have helped.

I had it all planned. The engagement, fancy dinner, ring in the dessert, speech. But then she goes into labor ten minutes before my plan goes into effect. I take the ring out of my pocket and fiddle with it. It's not like there was much chance of her saying yes. She's probably in there thinking about all the other people she wishes was the father of her child.

Suddenly I hear Vala scream. I rush into the infirmary. "Are you ok?" I ask concerned.

"Fine darling, why don't you go to your lab? This is going to take some time, and I'm probably going to scream some more," Vala says with a smile that is just fake enough to indicate the contr-nope let's just call it pain-is not quite gone.

"Later on she'll probably be using a lot of swear words with your name in there in different places, as well as the screams" Dr. Fraiser says with a wide grin.

"Well," I say awkwardly, "wouldn't want to miss that," I say. I offer her my hand. You're supposed to let them squeeze your hand.

"Rodney, it's really sweet, but you don't have to stay," Vala says with a smile, not taking the hand.

"I want to be here," I say.

"Placenta," she replies. I don't move, "cervix" she continues. I pull a chair near her bead, and sit down. "Lactation," she tries.

"That one is kind of hot," I say. She gives me a horrible glare.

"I'm not leaving, Vala," I say.

"Rodney, sweetie, I appreciate it. I really do. But I'd prefer if you didn't distract the doctors and nurses who are trying to help me, by fainting," she says.

"I have never fainted, and if I did, it would have been called passing out, men don't faint," I insist.

"Rodney it's ok. You're not a delivery room kind of guy. You don't have to be," she says finally patting the hand that I offered her.

"Vala, we were supposed to have more time," I say, "I wasn't ready."

"Honey, babies don't usually come on their due dates," she says. But I can tell she's focusing on the second half of my sentence. When I say I'm not ready I'm talking about the ring-mostly.

"Listen, it wasn't supposed to happen this way. You were supposed to find it in your dessert. I figure that would help my case, because I know how much you like dessert, especially since you got pregnant," I stammer. This is not how it was supposed to go. But I'm committed, so I pull the ring out of my pocket. I open up the box, and raise my eyes to Vala's. There is a lot going on there, and most of it isn't good.

"Rodney," she says, just then another contraction hits. She flinches until it's over. "This is not how it's supposed to go. You are not supposed to propose to me when I'm in labor. You're not ready for this. I love that you offer. I thank you. But I don't want to get married just for this kid. It's selfish I know, but when I get married-I want it to be love. Like can't eat, sleep, think, breath without the other person kind of love. It's…it's not supposed to be something more than an appeasement of a guilty conscience."

I look away from her other. God, Vala, so not what this is. But how can I say that now? I should have waited, did my speech. But it probably wouldn't have made a difference. At the end of the day I'm just McKay.

She looks carefully at my face, "Rodney, someday maybe we'll have that. Someday maybe you'll be ready, and I'll be ready, and you can put that ring on my finger, ok?" I grab the hand she doesn't want me to hold, "Seriously you can leave, now," she says. I shake my head. Not going anywhere. I'm waiting for someday.

Vala's POV

February 1996 Colorado Springs

I seriously can't believe he stayed in the room for the whole labor. I mean the man hasn't made it through a single doctor's appointment, and there was no screaming, swearing, or babies coming out of me during any of those. Actually I think it was the screaming and a baby coming out that made him stay. Which is sweeter than anything I can imagine.

"Hey," I say with a smile.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" he asks in a worried voice. I think he was traumatized by the experience of my giving birth.

"I'm ok," I say, "You haven't held Ms. Erin Marie yet," I say with a smile.

"Uh…I'll get Janet to put her in the little crib thing if you want to sleep," he says standing up. He's really going to go fetch the good doctor!

"It's not that, McKay, she's fine. I just thought you'd want to hold your daughter," I say. I'm kind of worried now. I'm trying to think if I've ever seen Rodney with a kid. I think I saw him talking to one of Sam's boys once. But it was one of those conversations where the adult is all patronizing, and the kid is trying to figure out how to get away.

"That's ok," McKay says sitting back down.

"So you're never going to hold your daughter?" I ask him.

"Of course I'm going to hold her…just when she gets a little bigger. Harder to mess up," he says.

I laugh, "Sweetie, she will be easy to mess for at least another thirty years. But she's going to be a whole lot more messed up if you don't hold her. The worse mistake you could make is not trying, because you're afraid you'll make mistakes.

He takes her gently, uncertainly from my hands. He sits back down. He lays her across his lap, his hands keeping her from rolling without really touching her. He looks at her, and smiles.

She opens up her eyes, and looks right at him. He grins at her, and then looks up at me. I nod and smile. It will be ok. My daughter is perfectly capable of teaching parenting to her father.

Janet POV

February 1996 SGC

Jonas walks up behind me, and wraps both of his arms around my stomach. "Heard Vala had her baby," he says.

"Yep," I say leaning against him knowing I shouldn't let him hold me at work. But we're in my office away from cameras.

"You're not going to try to chase me out of the delivery room when you have our baby are you?" he asks.

"Depends if the word afterbirth makes you nauseous," I say.

"It doesn't," he says kissing my neck lightly.

"Jonas, we're still at work," I say warningly.

"If we get caught we could claim alien virus. You could fake data on an alien virus couldn't you?" he asks.

"Not happening Jonas," I say stepping forward, and pulling away from him. He groans in protest. I turn, and he places his hand on my stomach. I let him for a few seconds before I step away and go back to work.

Sha'uri's POV

September 1996 Colorado Springs

It's official. Kindergarten is a complete waste of time for my daughter.

Right now she's reading the Ramona Quimby series. Not exactly the kind of literature her classmates are tackling, even the one other student who can read is working through Dr. Seuss. She can add, and subtract in her head than most kids double her age can with a calculator. She can even do a bit of fractions based on helping me cook. Her handwriting isn't that great. But she's pretty good about getting her thoughts down on paper as long as she can sound out the spelling words. And she is of course fluent in three languages, with a smattering of two more.

Dan'yel comes through the door. "How was school today?" he asks her.

"Boring," she responds with an eye roll, as she leaves the room.

He looks at me. "Dan'yel. I'm thinking of homeschooling Hesina. We should maybe enroll her in piano and swimming lessons for socialization and gaining a little challenge and the rest I can teach her hear. She already knows everything they plan on teaching her for the next two years."

"You want to do this? Because there are other options. Skipping grades, gifted programs…" he stops in the middle, grinning, "You really want to do this," he says with confidence, "Yeah, I think we should get the paper work going. Maybe we want to leave her in for gym and recess just so she can make some friends," he adds.

"Maybe art too," I say thoughtfully, "Don't know anything about art, and she does enjoy it."

"We'll talk to the teacher about it," he says giving me a kiss.

Jonas POV

October 1996 SGC

A doctor having a baby is a pretty humorous scene. She keeps forgetting she's the patient, and trying to be doctor. She's ordering her poor nurses around. They keep looking at HER doctor and trying to figure out which of the doctors to obey.

"Sweetie, focus on being the mother of this baby, and stop being doctor for a little bit," I say.

"Babe, just check to make sure that doctor measured right. How far am I dilated?" she asks.

I just stare at her.

"Come on chicken!" she says trying to pull me toward the other end of the bed.

"See, you are confused again, Sweetie," I say, "I'm the father, not a doctor, not a nurse. That means the only way I figure out how dilated you are is if a 911 operator asks me to do it, because we can't make it to the hospital. We're at the infirmary. Therefore, that's not part of my job description. My job description includes feeding you ice chips, whipping your brow, holding your hand, and most of all keeping you calm. You're making that last one rather hard."

"And what is my job?" she says laying back annoyed.

"To push a baby out of your body. It's not an easy job, so don't add to it," I say.

She smiles at me, and relaxes, "You win," she says.

Daniel POV

March 1997 Colorado Springs

"Daddy!" Aki says as I walk in the door. It's the first time my son has EVER greeted me. Ever. And to think, I seriously considered not coming home tonight.

"Hi kid," I say tickling him as a reward for his social language. I try to make my face all happy and excited, but I can't. It probably doesn't matter, because Aki doesn't read facial expressions anyway.

"Hey sweetie," Sha're says kissing my cheek.

Aki, grabs my face and tilts it toward himself. His eyebrows are knit together in thought. Since Aki doesn't understand facial expressions, his are very open. He wouldn't know what to hide. "Daddy," he says and he mimics my face perfectly. Well, I guess I was wrong about him not knowing facial expressions.

I smile. He's not buying it.

"Sweetie, It's going to be ok, Daddy is sad," Sha're says, "Everybody gets sad sometimes. It's ok to be sad." Sha're turns everything into a lesson. Which is why Aki is doing way better than anyone would have guessed. But sometimes I don't feel like being an object lesson. Sometimes I don't want my son examining my facial expressions. I walk over to the couch and sit down.

"What is Daddy sad about?" Hess says climbing unto my lap. Great, now the super genius is on my tale.

"I just had a bad day at work," I say turning to Hess with a fake smile.

Aki is still looking at me with his eyebrows knit together. He pulls my face back toward his when I try to look at his sister. He's examining my face, "Sad?" he asks suspiciously.

"Yes, that's right Daddy's sad! You are so right," Sha're says excitedly. I am so not in the mood for this. I have a legitimate reason for being sad, and I don't appreciate them being gleeful about it, damn them.

Aki studies me again, and then he nudges Hess out of his way, and wraps his arms around me. I put my arms around him. He holds me for a long silent moment. Squeezing and releasing exactly like we do when we hold him. Then he pulls away, tilts his head, looks at me and says, "Daddy sad?"

"Not anymore," and I'm only half lying.

"Dan'yel, could you take him to the bathroom?" Sha're asks. She hates the fact that Aki is three and still not reliably potty trained. And I'm not talking about a 'can't believe I have to change more diapers' kind of hate. See Hess was potty trained at two months. I'm not kidding you. It's not even a super genius thing. Sha're's culture doesn't do diapers. I freaked at the concept, so Hess did wear diapers. But…she didn't use them that often. We just held her over the toilet, ran some water, and she went. Once in a while we changed a diaper, especially at night. When she got old enough to walk herself to the bathroom she was already trained.

Then our second kid comes along, and that system so did not work. He's three, and he's still having fairly regular accidents. I try really hard not to compare my kids. It's not fair when Hess is a genius, and Aki has a disability. But I didn't know a lot of kids before I had my own. So they are they are my definition of normal. Not a very accurate one, I know.

As soon as we get into the bathroom Aki runs in, grabs his toothbrush, touches it to his lips, throw it down, and runs out of the bathroom. Aki hates to brush his teeth, so I can't figure this one out. I try to call him back, and he covers his ears, runs to his room, and buries his head under a blanket. Ok, I'll go ask Sha're.

"Hey, Poker Chip," I say, "Your son touched his toothbrush to his mouth, and won't go back in the bathroom," I say.

"Oh, sorry," she laughs a little, "Ok, so we're doing something new with the tooth brushing," new would be good since our old method was holding him down, "it's called chaining. So we 'brush' his teeth like 20 times a day, but at first all he had to do was touch the brush. Now we're on to step two- take it, and touch to his mouth. By the end of the week he'll be brushing his teeth."

"So his teeth don't get brushed for a week?" I ask uncertainly.

"Small price to pay," she says with a sigh. "Use the picture schedule to let him know you want him to go to the bathroom," she says. At first Sha're's methods of dealing with Aki were pretty simple. She'd read everything on the topic and did what they suggested. Then Sam got her access to psychology and education journals. I tried for a while to keep up on the theory and the buss words. Now I just ask her to tell me what the hell to do, and let her worry about the why.

We don't actually use the picture schedule much anymore. A few months back Aki had a lot of tantrums. So we'd use it to tell him what we wanted him to do, and what nifty reward he gets after he does it. Now he's pretty much reached the language comprehension level where we can say, "First dinner, than play," or "first we brush our teeth, then we read story," or whatever. But I suppose the whole having to brush his own teeth is making him revert a little. I take the picture schedule, which is a bunch of photos on Velcro and thumb through it until I get the toilet, sink, and a picture of toys. I stick them on the Velcro strip, and head in to Aki's room.

I finished tucking Aki in. Sha're and I alternate on the kids when I'm home. One reads to Aki, while one sings to Hess, then we switch rooms one singing to Aki while the other reads to Hess. The next night we switch the singer/reader jobs and which kid we see first. Aki falls asleep in the middle of the second picture book. I go into Hess's room, but I don't feel like interrupting the singing with reading, and I lean against the door frame through Sha're's third, and forth, and fifth lullaby. She spoils those kids rotten, but we all love it. Hesina finally falls asleep, and as soon as Sha're's closed the door she says, "What happened Dan'yel?"

"Nothing," I say with a smile.

"The base was shut down for a day and a half. No word in or out. Then Janet tells me you're in the infirmary. I say I'm coming. I hear you protesting in the back not to let me come. I've been worried sick Dan'yel!" she exclaims.

"I'm sorry I worried you," I say.

"You've been in the infirmary for the past two days?" she asks.

"Not all of them," I say. God I don't want to tell her this. Maybe I should have stayed away another day. But no matter how long this waited it wasn't going to get easier. In fact it would just get harder.

"Sha're, let's go have wine or something," I say.

Sha're looks really worried now, because I don't drink very often.

"Dan'yel, did someone die?" I ask.

"Yes, but that's a good thing," I reply coolly. I see her eyes get big at that. It's not the kind of thing I say. I usually don't like the whole death thing for anyone. I'm not even sure I'm telling the truth this time. I mean, they were almost my kids. She doesn't say anything else until we're sitting in the kitchen with our wine glasses. Then she just looks at me.

"A Gou'ald got on base," I say.

"But you killed him," she says looking as if the understanding the death comments now. But I wouldn't be happy about the death of a Gou'ald unless we saved the host.

"No, actually she got away," I say swirling the wine around.

"She?" Sha're asks.

"A Gou'ald queen. Apparently they can…"

She touches my cheek, "…release nish'ta which controls men," I flinch at her touch, involuntarily. This worries her.

"What did she do to you?" I can't look at her, "What did she make you do," she says, "Whatever it was, if you were under the influence of nish'ta you didn't do it. It isn't your fault."

I don't look up, "Sha're, she needed the code of life," I say barely audibly. I'm hoping she doesn't understand at the same time I'm hoping she does.

"My Dan'yel, husband of my heart, she raped you?" she says softly. It was good that she put it so bluntly. I hadn't said that to myself yet. It was all swirled up in shades of gray. I had been under the influence of drugs, but still I had. Two days I hadn't come home, thinking she would see it as betrayal. Thinking she would call it cheating, but she calls it rape.

"Why didn't you come home? You just sat there alone, after that?" she asks in horror.

"I thought you'd be mad," I said.

"I am mad! Furious as that bitch!" she nearly shouts, but then her voice drops down to nearly a whisper, "But I'm not mad at you, my Dan'yel. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Sha're," I sob, "I did."

"Dan'yel," she says looking at me seriously, "Would you hold my mother accountable for what happened to her with the Gou'ald?"

"Of course, not," I say.

"Same thing, sweetie…" she looks away for a second, "Did she spawn?" I don't answer, but I do flinch. "That the death you were talking about?" He nods. "All of them?" I flinch again. "You know there not you kids, right?" she says. I don't even know how to begin with answering that question, "I mean you realize that your DNA wasn't actually incorporated into Hathor's. It was just used to guide the making of a coating. They aren't yours like Hess and Aki are."

"I know that," I say softly, but I do feel some connection to them. These dead things that couldn't have existed without my sperm. I feel like I was somehow responsible for them. That I somehow failed them.

"They aren't your species," she continues. But they were mine. "But it's ok if you grief for them," she says rubbing my back. This time I don't flinch.

"Jack set them on fire," I say softly. She rubs my back harder. In big southing circles, that dissolve into a single figure making squiggly paths, like she does on Hess when she's upset. She waits along time then asks, "You want to talk more?"

"I didn't really want to talk this much," I say.

"Ok, come to bed." There must have been panic on my face, "It's ok, wasn't thinking sex. But if you'd rather I sleep on the…"

I cut her off, "I want you close to me," I say she nods with a sad smile. Twenty minutes later I'm lying in bed with my much too perfect wife making what our daughter calls "squiggles" on my back.

"Sha're hold me," I say.

She rolls over on her side and pulls me into a spoon. Our bodies fit together perfectly. I'm falling asleep, and I'm thinking it might be for more than a few hours…which would be the first time since this all happened.

Dan'yel's POV

November 1997 Colorado Springs

Sha're slips out of bed humming "Manic Monday" so quiet she thinks I can't hear her. She is under the impression that all those years we didn't share a bed her singing never woke me up. I've told her she's wrong. I've told her I like being woke up to her singing. She listens on weekdays, allowing her song to be my alarm clock. But on weekends she refuses to sing. She doesn't know that just the lack of Sha're in my bed is more than enough to wake me up. That her humming is no quieter than her singing.

I let her think she hasn't woken me. I hear the frying of the bacon, and eggs, and the coffee percolating. I stretch, and go out to see if she needs help. Aki is already sitting in his high chair looking at a picture book. Hess is tracing her hand over and over again on a piece of paper.

"Morning," I say giving Sha're a kiss.

"So I made Sam and Jack an offer yesterday, and this morning it occurred to me that it is actually the sort of thing I should have run by my husband first," she says.

"What is that?" I say.

"I offered to homeschool, Davie," she says.

"Davie?" I ask.

"Yeah," she says.

"Bundle of energy Davie?" I ask.

"Incredibly smart, heart of gold, always in trouble Davie, yep that's the one."

"You are too sweet," I say giving her another kiss.

"So that's a no?" she asks.

"That's a do whatever you want, honey. You think I'm going to tell you what to do with your life? Have you forgotten that I am the man who took you to the places of choices?"


	11. Family Dance

Sha'uri's POV

November 1997 Colorado Springs

It was one of those times where you throw in the towel and give up working for a while. Just a while. You dance around crazy, and then get back to work. That's exactly what we were doing when Daniel walked in. Three kids and an adult dancing the macarania. Davie is balancing on his head still doing the dance. The kid has energy, this is the most constructive use of it all day. A'kili is standing in front of me mesmerized by, and imitating my movements. Hesina is up on the table. I can imagine my husband's thoughts about me allowing our six year old daughter table dance to a song about a girl cheating on her boyfriend.

"Dan'yel," I say cautiously.

"Hey Macarania!" He shouts twirling the coat he just took off over his head. A'kili turns his head to his father, imitating his movements, twirling an imaginary coat over his head.

"Hey! Little Aki!" Dan'yel exclaims.

A'kili grins at him, "Hey! Daddy!"

Dan'yel scoops him up and swings him around and around in the air. Aki doesn't get dizzy. Ever. Aki is giggling. Lately we've been getting something close to social language from him. Like just now when he say, "Hey, Daddy." It may have resulted in him getting twirled around the room. But he wasn't really asking for a spin. Aki talked, because after four years of life he's finally figured out what most kids know by ten months. You make people happy when you say stuff to them.

"Hey, 'lil Daddy!" Aki sings giggling. Dan'yel is so excited by this burst of language he keeps spinning until Dan'yel's so dizzy he needs to sit down. Meanwhile I've taken Hess off the table and started throwing her on the couch over and over-her favorite game. Davie is doing cartwheels. Daniel recovers, and scoops up Hess to dance on his feet (Old Time Rock and Roll is on the radio now). I put Aki on my shoulders, and Davie on my feet before I join him. The next song is Can't Touch This and we're going wild again.

When Sam walks in we're not far from the state we were in when Daniel entered. She stares at us in shock for a long moment.

"Sam, I swear he did multiplication today," I say.

"And Hess taught me a new Abydonian word," Davie adds proudly. I can tell by the blush stealing up my daughter's cheeks it's the one she learned from her father when he stubbed his toe last week. Maybe I should start re-thinking my qualifications to teach other people's children.

Sam giggles, bows low in front of me, looks directly into Aki's eyes and says, "May I have this dance?" I hear a giggle as she lifts him off my shoulders.

Then she holds him close to her, as she spins and bobs around the room.

Well, whatever we do or don't have-we've got fun. And love.

Sha'uri's POV

December 1997 Colorado Springs

I see Dan'yel get out of a car in the middle of the day. That is never a good sign. He was supposed to go on a mission today, he must have gotten sick or injured. I run out the door, as he's walking away.

"Dan'yel," where are you going?

"I am going to see this fair city, would you like to accompany me?" he asks.

He's talking weird and the alien virus warning is going off in my head. "Umm…Dan'yel if we're going anywhere we have to go bundle the kids up. It's cold outside. Also it better be educational, because it is still school hours. Why don't you come inside while we do that?" I add in my head so I can have Davie lock you in, until Janet gets here.

"Whose kids?" he asks.

My eyes open wide. Shit he's far gone. How did Janet let him off the base? "Our kids, and Davie," I add.

"We are joined?" he asks.

"Yeah, we've been married for the past twelve years," I say.

"Then I'm one lucky man," he says with a very unDan'yel grin as he tries to kiss me.

"Hey there, let's wait until you're back to yourself, buddy," I say pulling away, "Come inside."

"I do not think I want to come inside," he says tilting his head.

"Come inside, and I'll make you some food. You can play with kids. You love that," he says.

"If I come inside, can I kiss you?" he asks.

I look at him. What the hell, he's still Dan'yel even if he not in his right mind.

"Sure, one kiss," I say.

As soon as he's in the house I smile at Davie, trying to give nothing away, "Davie, can you lock the door for me?" I ask.

"Do you mean…" he starts.

"Yes, she does," Hess answers.

He goes over to it, "Hess, baby could you get me the phone?" I ask. She nods, giving her Dad a weary look.

"How about that kiss?" Dan'yel asks. I lean in for a kiss, and the one I get is not at all like Dan'yel's kisses. It's not like I've ever had any other kisses, so I don't have anyone to compare the kisses to, but this is not Dan'yel. He may be in his body, but it isn't him. I keep kissing, and run my hand over the back of his neck. No scar, but that doesn't mean anything. Johlinar left no scar on Sam.

I pull away. "Dave how is that door coming babe?" I ask.

"Secure," he responds. I take the phone from Hess. "Ok, Davie, could you secure everyone is Hess' room?"

He looks panicked, "Uh, yeah."

"Thanks baby, everything is going to be alright," I say with a smile. Hess grabs her brother's hand and they all leave the room. As soon as the kids are out of the room I get the table between myself and whoever this is. I figure I might as well start with calling the infirmary.

"Sha're," Janet's voice sounds relieved, "Have you seen Dan'yel?"

"Uh, I've seen whatever is pretending to be Dan'yel. I've got him locked up in my house right now. Could you tell me how dangerous he is?" I ask.

I hear her shouting some orders before she says, "We don't think he's dangerous. He's an old man who made a lot of inventions to fight the Gou'ald with. Daniel accidently switched bodies with him."

I am suddenly very relieved. "So Dan'yel is there. He's safe?"

She pauses long enough that I know that whatever is coming next is not going to be good news, "He's in the body of a really old man Sha're. When we get Daniel's body back here, we should be able to do something."

"Is Sam there?" I ask.

"Yeah," Janet says.

"Could you send her with whoever is coming to get my husband? I'd like to be there for the switch," I say.

"Sure, you ok?" she asks.

"Yeah," I say with a smile.

I hand up the phone. This man in Dan'yel's body isn't really doing anything threatening. He's just looking at me with sadness in his eyes.

"You stole my husband's body," I say.

"I deserve it!" he shouts, "Do you know what I gave up to fight the Gou'ald? Do you know what good I've done for the cause? Do you know how I've suffered, because of it? My whole planet died defending me. I gave my life to save others. I deserve a life in exchange."

"No, it doesn't work that way. You can't look at someone else and say they are less important. That you are justified in stealing their life. Every life is of equal value. My husband has done a lot to fight the Gou'ald too. He's helped bring down system lords, and minor Gou'alds as well. More than that he's a father to two little kids who need him. How do you measure the value of a life? As soon as you take someone else's body without their permission you are no better than the Gou'ald.'

"I am not a Gou'ald," he says loudly.

"But you are. You are stealing someone's body. So that is what you are."

"I will not be caught," he says and he rushes for the door. Davie's a good locksmith, and he can't get it. He fiddles with it further.

"I demand that you tell me how to open this door!" he exclaims.

"I can't do that," I say softly.

"Why can't you?" he asks.

"Because I don't know. Only Davie knows, and he's behind another locked door. He isn't going to open them for you."

Daniel's POV

December 1997 SGC

I'm back in my own body. I lean over to give Sha're a kiss, and she pulls away from me.

"Prove you're Dan'yel," she says.

"Who else would try to kiss you?" I ask laughing. I see a really weird look on her face, "He kissed you?" I say in semi panic.

"I thought he was you," she says.

"You couldn't tell the difference between me and him," I say with a thumb point of distain toward the old man.

"Well, I thought it was you with…I don't know a head injury or an alien virus. Of course I knew it wasn't you acting normally, but there was nothing to indicate that it wasn't you at all." I relax a little. "I didn't know it wasn't you at all until the kiss." I can tell by her eyes that she's teasing me, but I still need more information.

"Was the kiss better or worse, Poker Chip?"

"Well, you know I compare your tongue to a Mastadge dancing ballet," she teases. He makes a hurt face. "But I don't do that after we kiss," I say with a smile.

Sha'uri's POV

January 1998 Colorado Springs

I often send Hess over to play with her brother. I don't think it does too much good to teach him to play with an adult. Playing with other children in the life skill he's going to need. But kids don't naturally play with a kid with autism. Playing with someone with autism is too much work. They have no imagination, so it's more like teaching. Like "If I hand you a doll you should rock it. If we are playing with trucks you should run yours along the ground and make this noise." It's like learning a routine. It's not like he's ever going to look at a toy truck and make the connection in his head to real trucks he's seen.

So when Davie first came started coming to our house to be homeschooled I was excited to have another chance to teach my kid to play. I was also nervous about it. I mean Aki is Hess's brother. She's been around him for as long as she can remember, ever since she was two. She's used to him, how is another kid going to react to my son? I mean Davie has seen him around, but it's not like they've ever played together. Team nights are pretty overwhelming for Aki. He spends a lot of them in the corner spinning a wheel.

"Davie would you mind playing with Aki for a while?" I ask.

"You mean I get a break from work?" he asks. Honestly Davie needs the break almost as badly as Aki needs the social interaction.

"Sure," I say.

Aki is laying on the floor spinning that wheel, over, and over, and over, and over. Davie picks up a truck, and gets down next to him. Davie tips the truck over and starts spinning one of the wheels. Aki looks at the truck, mesmerized by the motion. Then he looks right into Davie's face. My heart almost stops. Davie giving eye contact without request, without prompting, without touching his face.

"Run?" Davie asks. Aki loves to run in big circles around the living room. I'm not sure I want him encouraging this since it is by far the least normal thing Aki does. He runs in circles making a soft "ahhhhhhhhh!" sound the whole time.

Aki doesn't move, so Davie does. He gets up and starts running right along Aki's normal path. Aki jumps up and follow him, starting the "ahhhh!"

"I'm going to get you!" Davie exclaims.

Aki lets off the "Ahhh!" in order to giggle. They run the route about four times before Davie catches up to him. He does some move which is halfway between a tackle and easing the kid to the floor and tickles him until Aki can barely breathe. Then he let him up and says, "You'd better run!" again.

I stare in amazement at how Davie has turned my son's strangest behavior into a completely normal game of tickle tag in the space of eight seconds. This is the perfect place for the boy with a heart of gold and the attention span of eight seconds, that is for sure!

Davie sits down panting ten minutes later, and Aki walks up close to him, pulls at his elbow, and says, "Run!" Davie gets up and follows him despite the fact that's he's obviously willing to get back to "Charlotte's Web". And I'm amazing because my son just initiated social interaction. That is something I never expected him to do. Asking another child to play with him, beyond my dreams for my kid.

"Mom why are you crying?" Hess asks concerned.

I wave my hand toward the boys, "It's just so beautiful," I say indicating the game going one. She shrugs and dives back into her reading.

Janet's POV

February 1998 SGC

I look over at Colonel O'Neill talking to Teal'c. This is going to be the worse conversation I've had since Cassie made her appearance. A kid just walked through out gate without a whole lot of explanation. When he first arrived I thought he was just malnourished and traumatized. He has seen his whole planet die, and had an imaginary mother. But it turns out the kid has a lot bigger problems than that.

Why can't the O'Neill's pick a nice healthy kid to get attached to? The universe must be full of them. Or have one of their own if they want another? Why do they have to keep finding kids with serious medical problems that I then have to tell them all about?

"l didn't find any apparent threat to us," I tell him "but he's in worse shape than I thought, the poor kid. Several of his major organs have congenital defects."

"Oh, God," he says, and he looks crushed, well and completely crushed.

"It's like mother nature put him together in a hurry and got everything just a little wrong. His heart valves are defective, his renal function is a mess, and I have serious questions about his lungs. I'm afraid without some very aggressive medical intervention, he won't live to be much older than he is," I can't look him in the eye. I mean he's just decided this kid is a member of his family, and I have to tell him that the kid is basically falling apart? I can't imagine my reaction if someone told me there was something wrong with my son Kieran.

"But you can fix him right?" he asks.

I honestly can't believe that people think this of me. I say, this kid has three organs that aren't working. And they look at me as if I can fix this problem. I can't do it. No way in hell. This isn't one of those times where I just shoot anti-histamines in or find the right radio frequency, of suck tiny portions of naquada infused flesh out with a syringe and make everything better. This kid is dying, and I can't save him, "Maybe. But he may be beyond anything our medicine can do. There's something else," I flip through his folder, "His CAT scan. Now, if you look along the lower part of the brain stem, this is the part where normal humans have what is called the reticular formation. It's the part of the brain that determines alertness, our perception of things. His is twice the size of ours. And that could explain why he knew you had kids. It may also explain why he had such an effect on Teal'c's symbiote."

"So mind reading super powers?" Colonel O'Neill ask.

"I don't know. I'm a skeptic on such things, but…" I said.

"It would explain a lot. Well, since Teal'c can't be in the same room with the kid, could you watch him for me?" he asks. I tilt my head to the side. So the Colonel has been arranging babysitting for the kid when he's under my care. Kind of thought I was responsible for the child, but apparently I'm wrong. That's kind of funny, but I'm not going to let him think so.

"Yeah, I'll take care of him," I say.

"K," he says.

"Say hi to Sam for me," I say with a grin. Knowing full well that he's off to beg his wife to let him keep the little boy.

Jonny (the Colonel named the boy after himself) has just passed out. He probably isn't going to die right here. But there is no question he's going to die. We know that his imaginary mom was not so much imaginary as invisible. We also know that members of her species want us dead, and that she was trying to warn us, trying to keep us alive. We have that threat taken care of for now.

"His pulse is very weak. I may be able to stabilize him for now, but, you have to remember, sir, he has two major organs about to fail," I says softly.

"Oh, come on. He's just a kid. You've got all this fancy equipment around here…" the Colonel protests.

"Colonel, I'm sorry, but I don't think so," I can't believe I have to tell him more than once. That is the danger of people getting used to you doing miracles. He's got to know I would save that kid if I could. Just because I sometimes work miracles, and sometimes don't work miracles doesn't mean I have any control over which time this gets to be.

"Let us take him. He will be in good hands," Jacob says. Tok'ra. They could save him.

"You're going to put a snake in his head, Dad?" the Colonel asks, "Isn't he a little young for that?"

"He is young, but the Tok'ra symbiote that we introduce to his mind can teach him. He will grow up with the advantages that great wisdom brings."

"Is that the only way he gets to grow-up?" There is a lot of pain in the Colonel's voice, but it's already clear that this is the choice he is going to make. It's the only choice a responsible parent could make.

"Jack, there is a healing device we could try. But if it doesn't work…" Jacob begins

"Snake him, that kid gets a future," the Colonel says staring at Jonny carefully.

Jacob places a hand on Jack's shoulder, "I'll try to bring him back to you Jack. But either way I'll take care of…my Grandson."

A half hour later Jonny is stabilized and sleeping soundly. I try to go about my normal business , but somehow end up back in the iso observation room watching the Colonel talk to his son. I wish there was a way the kid got to live that didn't involve him living on a different planet than people who have become, even in a short time, his parents.

I don't even hear Jonas come in. I should have expected it though. And I would have to, if I'd remembered I was half an hour late for the lunch we were going to have together. But if I'd remembered I was a half hour late I don't suppose I would have been a half an hour late to begin with.

"You ok Janet?" he asks.

"Yeah," I mutter.

He smiles a little, "Well, that's strange, because if I was a doctor who couldn't save a little boy I'd be falling apart."

"Jonny's going to be fine," I say.

"Still," he says softly.

I lean into his shoulder, "I've lost patients before," I say.

"But no kids," he says rubbing my back.

I shake my head, "Jonas, we're breaking the 'on base' rules here," she says.

"I'm just giving you a hug," he says. He doesn't move his arm, and I don't make him move his arm. We sit there like that for a long time. "You thinking about our kid?" he asks.

I nod.

"When I found out how sick Jonny was I had to call and check on Kieran ," he says, "You can't always separate the Mommy thing from the doctor thing."

"You're the one who told me to," I say accusingly.

"You were in labor at the time," he says.

Vala's POV

February 1998 Colorado Springs

I'm a few hours late picking up Erin's from Rodney's house. Rodney still doesn't believe he's qualified to look after her himself. I mean he spends a lot of time with her, but his alone time with her is usually limited to a couple of hours. Most of the time when I'm off world I leave her with a nanny I really trust. But this time I was going to be gone four days. Four days is way too long to leave your kid with a non-relative.

"Thank God!" Rodney says as soon as I come through the door.

"Where is Erin?" I ask concerned.

"Jumping on the bed," he says pointing toward her bedroom at his house.

"Ok?" I say uncertainly, feeling that Rodney needs my attention more than my daughter right now.

"She's eaten nothing but ice cream since you left," he explains "Sugar high."

"Did you try saying no?" I ask.

"Did I try saying no?" he asks insulted, "Do you think I'm stupid? She screamed. Then she held her breath until she passed out!"

"Kids do that sometimes. It's kind of amazing," I comment.

"Kind of amazing! I rushed her into Janet, who was calmer than I thought justified given the circumstances!"

"But she started breathing again as soon as she was unconscious right?" I asked.

"Yeah, but she was purple, Vala!"

"Ok, so she's had four days of ice cream. Worse things in the world. We can break her of the tantrum thing. Don't worry about it."

"She wrote all over the wall," he says.

"You mean drew all over the wall," I correct.

"No, numbers, 1-10 over and over again," he says.

"She's barely two!" I exclaim.

"I'm not saying her penmanship was particularly grand, but they are defiantly numbers, Vala."

"Ok, so that she gets from you," I comment.

"She barely slept the whole time she was here. Must have been the whole sugar thing," Rodney says.

"And you haven't slept much either, poor dear. Ok, well anything else?" I ask.

"You need more?" he asks exasperated.

"Erin, get in here right now!" I say.

She runs in giving me a big hug, "Mommy!" she says.

"Don't you Mommy me little girl, what have you been doing to your father?" I ask.

She frowns.

"First you are going to say sorry. Then you are going to scrub the writing off the walls. Then you are going to eat something healthy. Do you understand me?" She starts to scream at the top of her lungs. "What is that? A little louder, dear, I can't quite hear you." She screams louder, "Louder babe, you're just on the range of my hearing." She starts holding her breath, and I catcher her as she goes down.

"Great work, Vala, I'm impressed," Rodney says sarcastically.

"Shut up and start making her something healthy to eat. Don't go easy on her, it'd be better if it's both healthy and a touch gross."

She comes to after about thirty seconds, and looks at me, surprised by my calm. "Alright than," I say handing her cleaning supplies, "to the wall then."

She starts screaming again, "Go ahead, maybe this time you can get loud enough for me to hear you. It's always worth a try." I say. She stops, looks at me, and takes the sponge out of my hand and starts walking to her bedroom. Stomping all the way.

Tantrums are exhausting. So by the time she's cleaned the wall, had another tantrum, ate her dinner, had a half tantrum, apologized to Rodney, and taken her bath she's out cold. I walk back into the living room to see Rodney laying on the couch. He's not asleep.

"Sorry about this. I meant to take her home tonight, but she was so exhaled I didn't have the heart to put her in the car. I know you could probably do with an Erin break but…" I stop, because Rodney McKay is crying. This is something I've never seen before.

"Whoa, what's wrong?" I ask kneeling next to the couch so we're face to face.

"You mean besides the fact that I am the world's worse parent?" he asks.

"You aren't the world's worse parent, Rodney. Tantrums like that don't happen overnight. I was having trouble with tantrums before. I got advice on how to deal with them. I thought they were gone, or else I would have warned you. Nobody is a perfect parent. And the next time she has you alone she's definitely going to try it again. Just to warn you."

"She made herself pass out, Vala," he says.

"I know," I say softly.

"That scares the hell out of me every time. How do you not react to that?" he asks.

"Well this is the first time I've ever seen it. But I knew she was going to be fine. It wasn't like she was in real danger. You should see me when she scraps her knee. No parent has any clue what they're doing, Rodney," I say.

"Vala, you should give up on me. Find someone who can give Erin what she needs. Give you what you deserve," he says.

I run my hand over his face, his shoulder, his arm, and down to his hand which I hold. "Three problems with your plan, Rodney," I say.

"What are those?" he asks.

"You're always going to be Erin's dad no matter what. She loves you, and I love you."

"I suck at parenting," he says.

"No you don't. Besides, in a couple of years she's going to need help on Earth homework. That's going to be all you," I say.

Sha'uri's POV

March 1998 Abydos

Most people know about Aki. I mean most people know his diagnoses. He isn't actually diagnosed autistic. He's "too social" for that. This annoys me to no end, but Dan'yel keeps trying to remind me it's a good thing.

"It just shows how great you are with him. How far you've made him come."

I think sometimes Dan'yel doesn't see how far Aki HASN'T come. There is a saying among my people, "a monkey is a gazelle in its mother's eyes." That is definitely true for Dan'yel's view of his son.

They say he has pervasive development disorder. Which means they don't want to call him autistic, because he sometimes looks at people's faces, and uses social language, and can get ready for the day and use the bathroom without help (usually). But they can't say he has Asperger's (the most mild form autism spectrum disorders) because he doesn't have above average language skills. He doesn't even have anything close to average language skills. So he's got this in between diagnosis.

Most people understand this, and deal with Aki accordingly. But my parents don't get it. On Abydos we don't have names for these things. We also don't have that many people, so these things don't happen that often. Even though it should be clear by now Aki is not ordinary child, even though we've tried to explain it, my parents still treat him as if he was.

Sometimes that's a good thing. Like when they ask him questions, and wait and wait, and sometimes he answers. Or when they got him to play the Abydonian version of Patty Cake. That's something I wouldn't have guessed my son could do. But he had no problem.

Most of the time it's hard. Like right now. Aki took a spoonful of sugar out of the dish after Mom told Hess she couldn't have any sugar. They actually expect him to generalize a "no" from his sister to a "no" for him. Not realizing he probably wouldn't have understood the "no" even if it had been in a language he spoke. He put the whole heaping spoonful in his mouth, and ate it raw. I cringe for what that's going to mean for his energy level for the rest of the day.

"Why did you do that?" Mom asks, and he laughs and runs away. She grabs him by the shoulders, and turns his face to hers, "A'kili, look me in the eye when you are talking to me," she demands.

He imitates her angry face. I can tell she thinks he's mocking her and step in.

"Mom, he…" I don't know how to finish that sentence.

Dan'yel comes up behind me, "Come on young man, we'll have a discussion about what you did outside." Bless his soul. I know there really isn't going to be a discussion, because Dan'yel understands just as well as I do that Aki has no idea why his Grandma is mad at him right now. Although he does understand she's mad (he probably doesn't get that he's the reason, though). But his cover is perfect. Dad as disciplinarian, so Abydonian.

The smell of mjusi cooking has never made me nauseous before. Granted I haven't eaten a lot of lizard since I got married and moved to earth. But none the less it used to be my favorite dish. I get outside just in time vomit. I sit down and wait for my stomach to return to normal before I go back inside.

"Daughter of my heart," my mom says sitting down on the sand next to me, "Congratulations," she says.

"What do you mean congratulations?" I ask. Then I get it, "Oh, no Mom, I'm not going to have a baby," I assure her. But it occurs to me, it's going to be really hard to explain how I know this. I mean that would require explaining the concept of birth control to her. A foreign concept in a culture where how many kids you have determines your status. Besides that it would also require me explaining why Dan'yel and I had decided we didn't want any more kids, at least not now. That would require me explaining Aki to her. And that is something I'd failed to do for four long years.

"What makes you think you are not?" she says, and I can tell that the next thing out of her mouth is going to be the sort of thing that my poor Dan'yel heard from her during the infamously thorough sex talk.

I stop her, "There are tests on my planet which can inform you if you are pregnant or not," she says.

"And when is the last time you took one of these tests?" she asks.

Before Aki was born, I thought in my head. But my mind has started reeling. I could actually be pregnant! "I could maybe use another test," I say softly.

She places her hand on my stomach, "Let me great my new grandchild," she says with a smile.

Daniel's POV

March 1998 Abydos

I am walking with Sha're's father, Kasuf, and we're about back to their house for super. Sha're is sitting outside in the dust, leaning against a wall.

"Let me help you up, Poker Chip," I say. I know she particularly hates that nickname within earshot of her father. That of course makes it all the more fun to use it.

"Let me help you down, Gambler," she says with a weird look on her face.

"We'll be right in," I say to her father. I slide down the wall next to her.

"My Mom thinks I'm pregnant," she says. I almost laugh before I see the look on her face.

"Are you?" I ask.

"Uh, didn't think so until she was so sure. Now…I don't know, maybe," she says.

"Well, ok, we planned are more kids eventually right?" I say.

"I'm freaking out a little," she says.

"2% change of a sibling of a child with autism being autistic," I remind her whipping a hair from her forehead.

"20% chance of a sibling of a child with autism having some autistic like characteristics, and Aki is only four. I wanted to have him…"

"Cured?" I ask her.

"I know that isn't going to happen. But yeah, I did plan on having him…I don't know better before my attention got further divided up. I mean as it is Hess gets jealous. What is she going to be like when she has to divide her attention between Aki and a brand new baby?" she says.

"Maybe I should get a job with more normal hours," I offer.

"No way, Dan'yel, you're going through the gate as long as you love it," she says firmly, "this idea will grow on me, it already is, I'm just a little bit freaked.

I slide down so my head is on her lab, head facing the maybe-baby, "How I love my little baby..." I start.

She reaches down to ruffle my hair, and I reach up to wipe away those happy tears as I sing.

A/N: Hey you know any spawn of Vala and McKay had to be stubborn! And I've always been fascinated with how great ADHD kids are with kids with autism spectrum disorders. There is a connection there.


	12. Loved

Daniel POV

March 1998 Colorado Springs

It's the first day back on earth since Sha're's mother suggested to her that she was pregnant. She was in the bathroom for a long time, and I've been waiting. Sha're's mother may be very open about all things reproductive, but Sha're's pretty shy about it. Sha're would be horrified if I actually saw something she peed on.

"So?" I ask.

She slides into bed. "You can leave off the maybe when you talk to maybe baby," she says.

I slide my hand on to its rightful place on her stomach, "So, how do you feel about it?"

"I'm starting to remember how much I love babies. How they are the only people who love Shakespeare as much as me," she says.

"Babies would be fascinated with anything you said Sha're, it's the voice" I protest.

"But particularly Shakespeare," she says, "And the way it feels when the fall asleep in your arms, and the smell, and nursing," she says with a smile.

"So we're excited about our new baby?" I ask.

"Yeah," she said with that contented smile.

-0-

Sha'uri's POV

May 1998 Colorado Springs

"Uh! Why do we have to memorize the states? I can look it up if I ever need to know it!" Hess whines.

"Education is what you know, not what's in the book," I quote from the tablet Dan'yel tried to bet on so long ago when he was really betting on me.

"And he who understands music understands the cosmos," Davie adds, quoting another saying from the rock. Then he starts singing, "When I was young I studied U.S. geography, my teacher said, would you stand up," he stands up, "and say the states for me…."

Soon Hess and Davie are both singing the song. Aki doesn't like noise like this. He moves into the corner with a book. "Hey sweetie," I say moving toward him.

"Want me to read for you?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "Aki," he says pointing to himself.

I smile at him, "Aki wants to read?" I ask.

He nods, "On the last day of summer, ten hours before fall, my grandfather took me out to the wall…"

"Hess, did you ever read the Butter Battle to your brother?" I ask.

"I don't know mom, maybe once," she says going back to singing.

"How about your father, does he read you the Butter Battle?" I ask.

"Dad HATES Dr. Seuss," Hess reminds me. Of course I knew that, it's one of my husband's more serious character flaws.

"'Cause he's reading it, and I want to know if it's a memorized thing, or if your brother can read," I say nearly shaking in excitement.

"Get him another book," Hess says with a roll of her eyes.

I run into the nursery, and fish through the books for something he probably hasn't been read a million times. I come up with a Children's dictionary. He opens the cover, flips a few pages, and sees a picture of stars. He pauses, touches it and says, "Stars."

I'm as disappointed as can be, but try not to show it, "Yeah honey, those are stars."

Then he touches the word next to the stars, and looks at me. Well, at least he knows that words say something, "Astronomy," I say.

He mouths the word a few times before hesitantly trying it aloud, "As..tom..ny," he says uncertainly.

"That's right Astronomy," I repeat.

He looks back at the page, "The study of stars, pl…nts, and the…" he looks at me again."

"Universe!" I say. I pick him up and hold him tight. He only likes hugs he can expect, predict, and control, so he's trying to squirm out of my arms.

"Baby you can read!" I exclaim. He covers his ears from my too loud sound. Davie and Hess are staring at us.

"I could read when I was three," Hess points out, "He's already four."

"This is a little bit different baby," I say. She rolls her eyes, because she really, really, hates to be called baby.

I hear a knock at the door. I put down Aki, and go answer it. Catherine is standing there with her firm face on, "Time for you nap," she says.

"Seven year olds don't take naps," Hess informs her.

"Neither do eight year olds," Davie adds for good measure.

"Oh, I'm talking to Sha're," Catherine says with a grin.

"Catherine, I do not need a nap," I protest, aware that I sound a lot like the kids right now.

"Direct orders from my son, he said if you resisted I could use a zat. But since we don't know what the consequences of using a zat are on a baby…" she says.

"Catherine, A'kili can read!" I proclaim hoping this will be enough to distract her from sending me to bed.

"Aki Bakey is that true?" she asks him grinning at him. He's in the corner staring at his book, probably trying to avoid all the social interaction going on. "Well good, Aki can read to me while the other two do this science experiment I found…" she says. That's better than a bribe of candy to those two, and she knows it. Unless I can offer something messier and more fun than whatever exploding chemistry set is in her bag I'm finished.

"Twenty minutes," I say.

"Two hours," she bargains.

"One hour," I say narrowing my eyes at her.

"Deal," she says extending her hand to shake mine.

-0-

Sha'uri's POV

September 1998 Colorado Springs

Dan'yel was working on translating something in his study. Whenever he can bring home something to work on he does. He says he'd rather be interrupted by his family than the military.

"What Sha're?" he calls rolling his chair far enough into the doorway of his study that his voice easily carries out into the kitchen where the kids are studying.

"I didn't say anything," I respond. Dan'yel shrugs and rolls back into his office.

-0-

I hear a scream and I rush into Dan'yel's study. "What's wrong?" I ask. One of his hands is locked on the closet door, and he's screaming in horror at the empty closet.

"Dan'yel," I say. He doesn't respond. I get between him and the closet, "Dan'yel!" I shout. He doesn't respond but just falls limp. I'm barely strong enough to lower him to the ground. I feel for a pulse like I've seen Janet do in the infirmary. His heart is still beating, and his breath is still coming out. I let out the breath I didn't even know I was holding.

I grab the phone, and rush back to his side while I dial. "Janet, Dan'yel just passed out," I say.

-0-

Sha'uri's POV

September 1998 SGC

I see those bright blue eyes open. "Hey," I say with a smile whipping those long locks away from his face.

"Hey," he says with a worried look on his face.

I move closer to him, "Dan'yel," what happened? I ask.

"Do you believe in ghosts?" he asks.

Oh, this so doesn't sound. "No, Dan'yel, I don't believe in ghosts, or demons, or gods," I say.

"Well, neither do I. Which means there has to be a logical explanation," he says. Ok, logical explanation that sounded more promising.

"What are you trying to explain?" I ask.

He takes a deep breath, "On our last mission we found a bunch of former hosts dead. Since then I've been hearing voices."

"Voices," I say carefully.

"And I see the Gou'ald's that died," he says.

"Saw them where?" I say. He doesn't answer. "The closet?" I say. He nods.

"I don't think they're dead," he says.

"The Gou'ald?" I say.

He nods, "I translated a phrase on that tablet that I thought meant attack, but when I refined the translation I realized it means to enter by infiltration."

"And you think they were coming through the closet of our house?" I asked hoping he would realize how crazy that sounded.

He puts his hand on my stomach, and says sadly "Seems like I'm always in the infirmary when you're pregnant."

"That's because you're always in the infirmary," I tease, "How do you think the Gou'ald got into your closet?"

He smiles, "Let's not talk about this."

"Gambler, It's probably better you tell me than people who already may think you are…" I say.

He sits up with that face he always wears when he's got a really exciting theory, "What if they used some sort of technology to transform their bodies into…I don't know, energy…or something."

"Well this galaxy just keeps getting better and better if the evil parasitic aliens can now turn into energy and sneak into people's closets."

He gives me a glare, which clearly implies I'm failing in my role as a supportive wife, "Or something. I don't know exactly how, Sam can figure that part out. The point is, they're here. They've entered by infiltration, and now they want me as a host."

"All of them?" I ask.

"I'm not crazy," he says.

"Ok, I know, let's figure this out," I say. I really hope he's not going crazy. I mean besides the fact that I love him and want him to be happy, I really don't think I can be wife to an insane man, and mother of three including one autistic child. I don't think I'm that strong.

"Why are you the only one who can see them? Why didn't they come through Jack's closet…aside from the fact that yours is cleaner?" I tease.

"I don't know," he says. "Mom has the kids?" he asks.

"Your parents are double teaming them," I say.

Dr. Fraiser walks in looking apologetic. It's probably because Dan'yel's hand is still on my stomach. She should realize that his hand pretty much lives there the whole time I'm pregnant. "Sha're, Dr. Mackenzie wants to talk to you," she says softly.

I take a deep breath, and give my husband a smile he's so going to know is fake.

"Mrs. Littlefield," he says, "Dr. Littlefield has experienced what I characterize as a first break psychotic episode, which may be manifesting full-blown hebephrenic-schizophrenia."

I sit down, "You're saying he's crazy?"

"Dr. Littlefield's dopamine levels have increased in the left hemisphere of his brain. All these symptoms are textbook schizophrenia. Daniel has paranoid delusions, auditory and visual hallucinations, and we think it may be linked to gate travel," Dr. Mackenzie says.

"How could this happen so fast? I mean before four hours ago he did nothing out of the ordinary. I'd know if my husband was going nuts." He doesn't say anything, "Alright, let's pretend for a minute I think he's nuts. What can you do to fix him?"

"For now we're going to medicate him and let him rest in one of the VIP rooms. But if his symptoms persist or he becomes a threat to himself or anyone else…we'll have to commit him to Mental Health, Mackenzie says.

-0-

My kids were here to see Dan'yel, and they just left. It was probably ill advised to have them come see their dad. But he misses them. I miss them, it's been a full day. I've never been away from them that long.

But more importantly I trust Dan'yel. Even if he is nuts (which I doubt) he's not going to do anything to hurt or scare his kids.

"Another game of chess?" I ask.

"Sha're you don't have to stay," he says.

"Sorry, you're stuck with me," I say with a smirk, "Maybe you should have read the fine print on that tablet before you bet. Then you'd have been warned, 'When you're at the dealing table, always look for the sucker- and make sure it isn't you.' He laughs. "Don't laugh, if you'd taken that advice you never would have been married. You'd be a free man," I say.

"I'd be a miserable man," He says pulling me close, "I am the luckiest man in the world that I won that particular game of chance," he says, "You are the best prize in the galaxy, and ours kids," he grins, "Pretty lucky man."

"So it's good that you didn't read the tablet until after we got married," I said. Suddenly he glances at the cabinet behind him. "What's wrong?" I ask cautiously.

"Nothing!" he says with the kind of a smile that only I would know was fake.

"Dan'yel?" I ask again. He's looking at my back.

"No! Sha're!" he screams making a grab at something on my neck.

"I'm ok, Dan'yel," I say trying to lock eyes with him and calm him down.

"There's a Goa'uld in you! I've got to get it out!" He shouts digging at my neck with both hands. It's not really painful, but this isn't normal behavior.

"Dan'yel! Husband, there's no Goa'uld in me!" I say grabbing his wrists. I know I'm not strong enough to actually hold him, but I figured it would snap him out of it.

I was right. His face goes pale. "God, Sha're, I'm sorry, so sorry. I saw it. I thought you were being taken over by a Gou'ald. I'm so sorry," he says, and he starts to go down again. He's already in a chair so it's easy to lower him down.

-0-

Daniel's POV

September 1998 Mental Health Services, Colorado Springs

They have been telling me that I'm crazy. I know that I've been doing things that crazy people do. I freaked out on Sha're. Hence the patted room. I know I'm seeing things that aren't there, and that's what crazy is right? So how come my mind is still working? Still reasoning? Still here? How come I'm still thinking?

I guess being crazy is going to be way worse than I ever imagined. Poor Nick.

-0-

Sha'uri's POV

September 1998 Mental Health Services, Colorado Springs

"He's not crazy," I insist. I've been saying this for the past two days, and have even stopped believing it myself.

"Don't expect much. If he becomes agitated, call the aides," Mackenzie says.

"Sha're?" Dan'yel asks.

"Hey," I say bending down next to him. He's leaning against a padded wall. One hand reaches out and touches my huge stomach, "What happened to your glasses babe?" I ask.

"They took away my glasses in case I broke the lenses and uh…tried to…hurt myself," he says. That thought of that scares me. He reaches a hand up and touches my cheek, "Don't worry, I'm the luckiest man alive remember? Not going to kill myself."

"They treating you ok?" I ask touching his cheek.

He nods, "I'm so sorry, Sha're."

"What are you sorry for?" I ask.

"For being such a head case," he says with something between a laugh and a cry.

"It's not your fault, Dan'yel. You're going to be fine," I say.

He leans forward, "Do you hear the footsteps?"

"No footsteps, babe, stay with me," I say massaging his arm.

He does a weird laugh, "He's right there Sha're, he's right there."

"You are ok babe," I say leaning against the wall.

"He's there…he's there!" he shouts.

"If you could calm down I'd appreciate it. If they hear you yelling they'll make me leave," I say putting my arm around him.

"Sha're you should go," He says calming down, "You don't have to hang out with your crazy husband."

"You're going to be find," I say.

He looks at me.

"What?" I ask.

"You just said "find" instead of "fine" just like Aki," he says smiling, and for one second he's my husband. We have an almost normal conversation for a while, and then SG-1 comes to see him. I give him a kiss. He helps heave my large pregnant body off the floor.

-0-

"He's been refusing to take his meds," Dr. Mackenzie said.

"I'll try to convince him, but my Dan'yel is a very stubborn man," I say worried. I saw what he was like with the medicine. I'm terrified of what he'll be like without it.

I kneel down in front of him, "Husband of my heart, I heard you stopped taking your meds."

His eyes light on me, and I'm terrified. I've never seen them this clouded. Not even when he was addicted to the sarcophagus.

"Uh, I don't uh…I don't need anymore drugs. What I need is to get the ones they've given me out of my system."

"Dan'yel you need medicine to get better," I say.

"Sha're is Teal'c sick?" he asks.

I try to hide my surprise, but my husband reads me like a book.

"He is then. He is. Why have you guys decided I'm crazy? That I'm dangerous, I'm out of control?" he pauses and looks at me, "It's 'cause I'm kinda acting that way, aren't I? I just…I just need to get these drugs out of my system."

"Honey, I would love it if that was true. But this isn't the kind of thing that you get better from all at once," actually we know schizophrenics don't get better, they get worse.

"It is if there was an alien organism inside you making you think that you were sick when you really weren't," he says.

"How did you get it?" I ask.

"Wait, you believe me?" he asks.

"Dan'yel, you know where you worked, it wouldn't be the strangest thing that's happened there. Besides, you look drugged, not sick,' I tell him. I'm really hoping I'm not wrong.

"You won't let them drug me?" he says sounding like a paranoid schizophrenic again.

"No, babe, I'll guard you myself if I need to. We'll try it your way for a while. But if you don't get better in a day or you start getting worse I'll let them hold you down and give you your meds," I warn.

"Sha're, I don't deserve you," he sobs leading his head on my shoulder.

"Hey, there is something about me being pregnant that always ends with you detoxing from drugs," I tease.

"Hey, not with Hess," he protests.

"This mean we're going to have a boy?" I ask playfully.

"Maybe it's just that I didn't know what parenthood was like the first time. So I wasn't wise enough to drug up in anticipation," he teases, slipping a hand over the baby in me.

"Then you should do the drug thing after the baby is born, not before," I point out.

-0-

Sha'uri's POV

September 1998 SGC

"His dopamine levels are back to normal," Janet says.

"That is because I'm back to normal," he says to her. "You don't have to treat me with kid gloves anymore," he says.

"I never did Babe," I say.

"You have to get those things out of Teal'c. They are a little worm, about this big," but he's so excited that he forgets to show how big, "I became sane when it crawled out of me into him," he tells me.

I'm not really sure if this was a hallucination or not. "Dan'yel, why did these things leave you?"

"Well, I think it was because I didn't have a Gou'ald in me. I think they are made to kill the Gou'ald and leave the host intact. The only problem is killing the Gou'ald Teal'c carries will kill Teal'c," Dan'yel says.

-0-

Daniel's POV

September 1998 SGC

Those worms. Those crazy robot worms. Like a landmine. A device made to kill by a man who is dead. Dead because of me. But he isn't trying to kill me. Kill, kill, kill, the vial Gou'ald.

Stop.

Deep breath. Think like you used to. You aren't crazy. You were never crazy. You had a machine inside your brain. Then drugs. You were never crazy.

They are not dead. They came for you. You HEARD their footsteps. You SAW them. They wanted you. Needed hosts. Kill, kill, kill, the vial Gou'ald.

Stop.

Deep breath. Not crazy. Never was crazy. I am NOT my Grandfather. I just saw and heard thing that weren't. For a little bit. Now it's gone. It's over. Just have to get control. Be sane. Save Teal'c.

Kill, kill, kill, the vial Gou'ald.

-0-

Sha're smiles at me, "That thing with Sam's blood, it worked." I smile back at her. In an effort to save Teal'c, Sam, Janet, and Jack all got infected with the Gou'ald. Sam had a crazy plan to save him. Apparently, not so crazy, not like me.

"Sha're, I'm so sorry," I say.

"For what?" she asks.

"For being crazy," I say.

"You weren't crazy," she said, "and you already asked forgiveness for that. I'd forgive you if you'd done anything wrong. But where there is no wrongdoing there can be no forgiveness."

Kill, kill, kill, the vial Gou'ald. But it is now only an echo. An echo that is fading in a head which is relearning to trust my eyes, to trust my ears. A mind again learning to be logical.

"Teal'c's ok?" I ask.

"He's going to be," she says with a smile.

-0-

Sha're's POV

October 1998 SGC

"Pick her up again, Dan'yel," I plead.

He lays the tiny baby, unwrapped much the nurses aggravation on my stomach again. He picks her up, and I watch her arms for any tensing, stiffing, or flinching. I see nothing.

"Again, Dan'yel," I say.

"I'm done," he says, "I've picked this little thing up twenty times and she hadn't given off so much as a normal startle response. She's fine. Do you hear me? I get that you're worried. But she's fine, and I'm going to hold my daughter."

He wraps her up, and holds him close to him with a look like he's protecting her from me.

"I've decided on her name," I say.

He grins, "I still have veto power," he reminds me.

"I know, Pen'dra-loved," I say.

"She is at that isn't she?" he says, "Aside from people calling her Panda it's a good name."

"Is that a veto?" I ask.

"More like a threat," he says, "Right Panda Bear?" he asks her.

We're quiet for a while, "Dan'yel you do know that just because I worried Pen'dra is autistic, doesn't mean that…" she says.

"…you don't love Aki. I know that. Just because you wished your kid didn't have a disability, doesn't mean you wished they didn't exist," he says smoothly.

"But it does though, almost," I say. It's something I'd been thinking about for a long time, and something I'd feel much to guilty talking to anyone but him about, "I mean if Aki wasn't autistic a lot of the things that make him him would not exist. Most of what we call Aki is autism. If we woke up tomorrow and Aki wasn't autistic we'd be getting to know a whole new kid." I pause looking into his eyes hoping he understands, hoping he gets it, and won't judge me.

"Yet," he says, "there are parts that are just Aki. And sometimes, sometimes he lets you into his brain for lie a second, and you just long for…for the time when Aki could be Aki. Aki could be free."

"Exactly," I say. Our eyes are locked on one another for a long moment before Pen'dra lets out an earth shattering scream. Hess just sort of whimpered, Aki protested in an almost speech like way, but Dra screams. Couldn't we have a kid normal enough to cry? Just one?

-0-

"Hey, baby sister," Hesina says in English, than she glances at me, "Will baby sister speak our secret languages mom?" she asks. I nod, and she repeats the message in Abydonian, Gou'ald, and Nox.

"Aki," Dan'yel says lifting him up, "Come see your new sister."

Aki looks at the baby critically, and then looks at his big sister. Pen'dra lets out a blood curdling scream for no apparent reason.

Aki covers his ears, and Dan'yel lifts him away. I calm down Dra and Dan'yel brings Aki back. Aki is still a little bit on edge.

"My sister is LOUD," he says accusingly. His language has grown by amazing amounts since he started to read. Pronouns, articles, and description words have all slunk in to his speech. In fact his speech often sounds normal to a casual observer. But it still pretty much just consists of commands. What he says seems like an observations, but anyone who knows him knows they're really more like commands. It's like he's saying, "Don't let that baby cry again". He's not going to like it when this is one command we cannot obey. Also, Aki doesn't answer questions, except the five or so I've spend hours training to him to answer. The thing which worries me the most is that he doesn't eavesdrop. A normal child if alone in a room of adults listens to what they are saying. Aki plays in the corner. Still, his speech sounds normal if you don't know him well. If you don't look too close.

"Babies are loud," I tell him.

"I don't like loud," Aki protests crinkling up his nose.

"You were a loud baby with poopy diapers once, and now you grew up to be a nice little boy," Hess says.

"I was not a baby," Aki says crossing his arms.

"Of course you were," his sister says rolling her eyes, "Everybody started out as a baby inside their mommy's tommy, and then a baby outside their mommy's tommy, and then a little kid, and then a big kid, and then a teenager, and then a grown up. Isn't that right?" she says looking at her father and I.

I nod.

"I was not a baby," Aki repeats. I know that Hess's explanation was too long, and that he got lost in the middle somewhere. Six words is about Aki's limit. But this really isn't important. We can give the kid a biology lesson some other time.

Unfortunely my daughter is not ready to let it go, "You were too a baby, wasn't he?" she asks support from us.

"Yes, but honey, let's not fight over this," I caution.

"See, you were a baby, and I remember it," Hess says.

"I was not a baby," Aki repeats again. He's not angry, and he's missing that his sister is. Usually he gets the basic emotions. He doesn't really know what to do about them, except move away from anger, hug sadness, and laugh at happiness. But he usually gets those if there not well hidden. This time though he's missing the anger.

"Sweetie, let it go," I tell Hess.

"Why do I always have to let it go? Why doesn't he? He's wrong!" she shouts and stomps out of the room. Dan'yel scurries after her.

-0-

Daniel's POV

October 1998 SGC

I catch Hess about three steps out of the infirmary doors. I swing her up and around even though she's getting too big for this.

"Let's go have a chat sweetie," I say.

"I was right," she says crossing her arms.

"Of course you were. People as smart as you almost always are," I say setting her down and taking her hand as we walk toward my office, "But most of life isn't about being right or wrong. It's about being nice or mean."

"I was being nice. I was telling him the truth, and telling the truth is good," she says.

"Yes, it is good. But good and nice are different too. I'm not telling you to lie. There are just some things that are not worth the fight. Sometimes it's just more important to get along than to be right."

"But if everyone thought that way we'd all be stupid," she says.

"True, but hun, no one is ever going to be as smart as you, and you brother certainly isn't. You're going to have to accept that, sometimes you aren't going to have people agree with you. You'll have to agree to disagree," I say smiling.

"Why isn't Aki ever going to be as smart as me?" she asks, and she looks up at me with so much trust in her eyes. We'd tried to explain this, but she's only seven, and we probably didn't do it right.

"Hess," I say bending down and fiddling with that hair, so much like her mothers, "Your brother is autistic." She nods. She's heard that word a lot. "That means his mind works different. He's never going to think like you."

"I know that Daddy, everyone's mind works different," she says.

"Right, hun, but this is…a different kind of different. It's like how…how it took him a lot longer to learn to talk. A lot of things are going to take him a lot longer," I try.

"I know, but he's only like a little behind. Like he talks pretty good now. So in a few years he won't be behind at all. Right?" she asks a little concerned.

"Maybe sweetie," her face lights up, "But probably not. This isn't going to go away. He'll get better, but he might not ever be like a normal little brother. He might always need a little help," and for the first time I realize that's true. That someday when Sha're and I are dead Hess and Dra are going to be looking after my son. And it hurts.

"What's wrong Daddy?" she asks.

"Just thinking about how your brother is always going to need a little help," I say and my voice betrays me with a little sob.

"I'm a very good helper, Daddy," she says.

"I know that, I know that," I say picking her up and hugging her. And in the end, if you have to trust your kids to someone besides yourself, who better than your own children?


	13. Proposals

AN: Wow! I was gone from this story for a LONG time! Sorry guys. When I started this one I was writing three stories at once. I finished the other two, and then got lost in story after story. Now, I will actually finish this one off!

Daniel's POV

October 1998

I should have figured it out a lot sooner. A bunch of little kids doing the work. Every time you talk they shove a little kid forward to listen. The adults don't seem to understand the concept of learning. But in my defense who would have guess that.

Teal'c and I knew something was wrong when they wouldn't let him talk to the kid he'd been talking to for a couple of days, Tomin. As soon as we walk into the room and see him my heart sinks. There is something in his look that reminds me of Aki. His brows furrowed together. Not quite looking at Teal'c. I wanted to scream. They took a perfectly normal and healthy child…and….

"Explain this Averium," Teal'c demands. He's as pissed as I am.

"It is the ceremony in which the nanites in the Urrone's brain are removed and then distributed. Each adult and each non-Urrone child then receives an injection containing one nanite, which becomes part of his or her synaptic network, adding to those nanites received from previous Averiums."

"So when you say he gave you his knowledge, you meant it literally," I say stammering, shocked, thinking of those brain suckers.

"It was a beautiful ceremony. Now you have seen. We must resume our work, Dr. Littlefield," Kalan says. Is he kidding? Beautiful ceremony? Right child sacrifice is gorgeous.

"What about Tomin?" Teal'c asked challengingly.

"He stays here with the other past Urrone," Kalan says. He is starting to get offended. The diplomatic part of me is screaming back up back up, but I can't. These people are nuts.

"That's it? You're…don't you play with him?" I ask. My voice catches. I'm thinking of Aki. The best part of my day is playing with Aki. These kids never get played with? Ever?

"Well what is play?" he asks.

I think I'm going to throw up. None of them have ever been played with. Play is really hard to teach. Trust me, I know, because that's what I've been trying to do for my son's whole life. So I switch gears and try a new approach, "Interacting with him, teaching him new things."

"These children cannot be taught," Kalan says.

I've heard that before. Aki is supposedly a child who cannot be taught. "Have you ever tried?" I ask.

"Oh yes, but past Urrone children cannot receive new nanites. The brain rejects them," Kalan says.

"Well have you ever tried teaching him without nanites?" I ask.

"What do you mean?" Kalan asks. Teal'c gives me a look of concern. For the first time in my life I contemplate kidnapping. Mass kidnapping. Sha're would love that. "Look honey, I brought home forty disabled kids, can we keep them?" Except she'd probably say yes. That's Sha're for you.  
>"There is no need for concern. These children are well cared for," he says.<p>

No, Aki is well cared for. These kids are freaking abandoned. "Kalan…this is your son."

"My son…is here now," Kalan says tapping his forehead. I feel Teal'c's hand on my shoulder.

"DanielLittlefield, I believe we should return to earth," the translation of this is, walk away before you beat up the alien diplomat.

-0-

There is a little girl on earth right now that they want back for this brain sucking ceremony. I know Jack. No way in hell is he going to give up that little girl. I'm glad, but also…I mean what good will it do? Sure Sam and Jack will get another genius kid out of the deal. But what about these kids? How can we save them? We need to not end this friendship with these people, so we can change the lives of all these children.

"We do not believe the Averium would be in Merrin's best interest," Teal'c says. Understatement of the year.

"It is most certainly in her best interest, for her and her people."

"Ok, you see, in our cultures, we don't believe in doing anything that results in harming a child," I say trying desperately to keep it calm.

"We do not harm our children, Dr. Littlefield! You have seen Tomin! You have seen how well he is cared for," He's furious. I'd be furious if someone called me a crappy dad. Actually, I am pissed whenever someone calls me a crappy dad. It happens a lot when people see Aki acting out in public.

"You are an incredibly advanced society. Why can't you find a better way to educate your people?" I ask.

"There is no better way than the Averium," he says. But I know he's wrong. I know that teaching children, teaching your children, is the most amazing thing a person can ever do.

"Even if that means giving up your son?" I ask. I could never give up one of my kids.

"It was the happiest day of my life when Tomin was selected to be Urrone. I knew, even before he was born, that he would make an incredible contribution to our society," he says. I know what he means-sort of. I mean I know what it means to be a parent. To picture a bright future for you kid a long time before they are born. To imagine what they are going to be like. To have your hand on the place where the child is growing and know what they will be.

But I also know what it's like to have those dreams pulled away. To be told no actually your kid can't do that. It's a kind of death, a kind of grieving. That's what I'm trying to do to him. Rob him of his father's love. But his kid deserves better.

"And you never once thought otherwise?" I ask.

"Not once! And neither did Tomin," he says. Certainty. I would kill to know for certain what Aki will be. But I'm afraid that answer would break my heart.

"Ok, I think we can work this out. We just need to sit down and discuss some alternatives," we need to keep discussing things. I need to figure out a way to save the rest of these kids. All the kids that aren't even born yet.

-0-

"Kalan has come to escort Merrin back to Orban. Before you say anything, know that I've already granted his request," Hammond says.

Jack is giving me the evil eye. Frankly I though the kid would be in another country by now. And anyway I don't just want to save Merrrin, I want to save them all.

"I don't like it either, Jack, but…you don't know the effect this is having on the Orbanians," I say not meeting his eyes.

"What about the effect it's having on Merrin?" Jack spits out leveling my eyes on his. A challenge.

"Your Dr. Littlefield has come to realize Merrin's importance to her people," Kalan offers.

"Her importance as a vegetable?" Jack asks, ouch that one hurt. It's dangerous to call any human being that.

"If you would try to understand…" Kalan says diplomatically.

"No! I won't. The way you treat your children is absurd. You don't deserve them," he shouts.

"Colonel O'Neill!" Hammond shouts. Jack ask permission to leave before disappearing out the door.

-0-

Jack couldn't? or wouldn't? save Merrin. Anyway she was delivered over to have her brain sucked. Now they want us to go back to the planet. I don't want to go. I don't need to see that planet again.

They're playing. Every last one of them. Kids, adults, everyone, playing. My first reaction is jealousy. Because in a single day these kids have made more progress than my son has in a lifetime. And they didn't have to work for it.

But then I'm happy for the kids. There are playing. They are happy. Turns out Jack saved them. Not the way he expected. He taught one girl about fun. And that girl taught all of them-through tiny robots, but none the less.

For a second I'm debating the morality of asking if one of Merrin's nanites is left over. But I think of that tablet, "An easy things is never worthwhile, and rarely right." No one will suffer to save my son.

-0-

Jonas's POV

November 1998

Something on this planet is making people go suicidal as soon as they get away from it. And here is this little boy whose been living here for how long?

"When was this picture taken?" I ask him holding up a picture of his parents. He's been talking about his parents as if they were still here, and clearly there aren't. I'm trying to figure out how long this kid has been alone on a dangerous planet.

"That's my home. Before we came here," Ok, so that wasn't exactly what you would call an answer.

"So your parents brought you here from another world?" I ask.

"Yeah. They were explorers. Kind of like you I guess. So they came here then…Hey, I have to show you something. This was a present from my father on my birthday." He pulls out a toy gun.

"Which birthday?" I ask.

"I'm sorry I can't leave," he said.

"Are you? I mean it makes sense that you'd want some company. I'm just thinking maybe that's the reason you didn't tell us how dangerous the light was." I can't imagine his life is like. I mean this kid is all by himself. He can't be over, what fourteen? And how long has he been all by himself?

"No," he says slowly and carefully.

"It's okay, I'm not mad," I say. How could I possibly be mad at a kid whose been through this. He doesn't say anything.

"I've got a son," I say. He looks at me surprised. "His name is Kieran. I wouldn't leave him alone on a planet. Not unless I was dead."

He opens his mouth slowly and clothes it a few time, "I killed them."

"You did? I find that…What happened?" he says.

"We found this place. All that they would do is stare at that light. All day. The light didn't affect me—my father said it was because I was too young. But they didn't let me in the Light room anyway. I told them to stop every day. But they'd just tell me to bring them things," he says slowly, "One day I stopped. It was days before their hunger was stronger than the light. Then they came out, looking for me, looking for food, and I snuck into the light room…and I turned it off. Not just the light, everything. I didn't know that it would hurt them. I just wanted to go home."

"That was not your fault," I say.

"They died because of me. They were screaming. They ran outside. They didn't make any sense. So I did, I turned it back on. But they were already in the water, so far…and they just kept on going, they just kept going and screaming and I'd turned it back on, but they just kept on going. And then they were gone. Next day I found them on the shore," he says. This poor kid.

"Loran. You were trying to help them. You were trying to free them from something. It wasn't your fault," I say putting my arm around his back.

"I miss them," he says.

"Of course you do," I say, "if we find a way to get off this planet…would you…I mean I'd have to ask my wife of course, but we have decided to adopt, and…" His eyes are shinning, "Do you want to be my son."

He grins at me.

-0-

McKay's POV

December 1998

I'm an awful father. I know this. It's what's prevented me from proposing again, since Erin was born. But I love Vala, and God I love Erin.

"Daddy," Erin says. "I drawed you a picture."

"It's beautiful sweetheart," I say with a smile.

"It's my family," she says. I squint at it reassured by the presence of three figures.

"Yeah, baby it is your family. You know I love you right?" I ask her.

"Mmmhum, and I love my Daddy," she says, "Can we play the adding game?" she asks.

I groan. That was something I invented when she was driving me nuts, and I was a foot beyond the end of my rope. It wasn't something I really wanted to repeat.

"That's not really a game, and your mom don't want me to play it with you anymore."

More like threatened my life if I played it with her again. I can hear Vala's voice, "She's three she doesn't need to memorize her addition facts." But if she's going to master quantum physics by fourteen she does. But I didn't tell Vala that.

"Pleeeeease Daddy," Erin bags.

"Ok, ok, four plus three is…"

"Seven, a thousand plus a hundred."

She thinks that's a hard one, cute, "One thousand one hundred." She screws up her face trying to check my math, "Are you sure Daddy?"

"Positive baby," I respond, and I'm not talking about my math. I'm talking about the ring in my pocket.

-0-

Vala's POV

December 1998

I swing by McKay's house to pick up Erin. I've left her with him for two whole days. That's always a bit of a risky concept. But lately, he's been better with her. Aside from trying to turn her into a super genius.

I hear soft music, and see a candle light dinner.

"Where is Erin?" I ask with a smile.

"Sleeping," he says.

"It's not her bedtime yet," I protest.

"Fortunately she can't read a clock yet," he says.

"This is nice, but you didn't have to do all of this to get me into bed," I tell him mockingly.

"I don't want to get you in bed, Vala," he says. I raise my eyebrow at him. "I don't just want to get you into bed. And that's not what all of this is about," suddenly I notice how nervous he is. The last time he was that nervous was when he…

Oh my God!

"Rodney," I say capturing his eyes, displaying my smile, trying to take the nervousness away, "You have my love to you know?"

"I love you too, Vala," he says giving me a kiss, "Now let's eat."

That would be a great plan, except he's too nervous to eat. I can't eat with him over there looking panicked. I put down my fork. "Rodney, why don't you ask me before we eat," I say.

"Ask you what?" he asks innocently.

I take his hand, and do that thing with my thumb that drives him nuts. "There was a question a long time ago, and I told you not to ask me again until later. It's later," I say.

"Ok, stop with the thumb so I can think," he says. He takes a deep breath. "I love you Vala." For a second I think that is all the proposal I'm going to get. In the silence I decide I'll still stay yes. After I tease him. Forever. "You are so amazing to have gone through everything you have gone through, and come out as good as you have. Most people would be curled up in a ball crying. But you make jokes. You smile. You make other people's days better. You certainly make my life better. You are so strong," he takes another breath.

"You forgot breathtakingly gorgeous," I say. He gives me a glare, "And great in bed, you forgot that one too."

"It goes without saying," he mutters. "I want to be a family. I know you don't think Erin should be part of the proposal. But she's my daughter, she has to be. I want her to have both of us. I mean I know I'm not much."

"You are everything. You're her dad," I say. And honestly Rodney is becoming a good dad. He's no longer afraid of Erin. Last week she threw up and he cleaned it up without adding to it. She takes naps when he watches her now. She eats vegetables (even though he still doesn't). He reads her stories (ok textbooks, close enough). Last time I picked her up he'd even let her braid his hair. In short he loved the kid.

"I feel like I'm not offering you much. You'd be insane to say yes. But I'm hoping you're a little nuts," he says.

"I'm bonkers for you babe," I say standing up and taking a seat atop his lap where I gave him a kiss.

"So is that a yes?" he asks pulling back with a worried expression still on his face.

"I haven't seen the ring yet, baby," I say. He looks like he believes me, and starts to open the box. So I shut it quickly.

"It was a joke, I'm saying yes. Of course I'm saying yes. Jeez Rodney. You may be a conceited, self-absorbed, man who is not nearly as smart as you think you are…"

"I think I'm better at proposing than you are at accepting," he says and he looks offended.

"But you are a wonderful man. You really love yourself, but you love your daughter even more. And you may not be as smart as you think you are, but you are one of the smartest people currently alive on that planet," I say.

"Currently?" he interrupts.

"But that's only true since Samantha is trapped off world."

"Hmph," he says.

"But I love you, and more than that I trust you. After everything that happens I never thought I'd trust anyone. I mean no one in my life has been worth of trust. Ever, not even once by accident. But in the time I've known you, you have been loyal, and honest, and you have never hurt me."

"I cheated on you when you were pregnant with Erin," he says with a shocked look on his face.

"Yeah, but you were drugged," I say with an eye roll, "And I'm not just talking about not cheating on me. That's not enough. I'm talking about the way I can trust you to be there when I need you. To make me laugh when I'm stressed. To hold me when I need to bawl, and then never talk about it again. To take care of Erin. To still like me even if you find out something that Gou'ald did in my body or some mistake I made. I know…at the end of the day you're going to like me no matter what. Even if I really screw up, I can trust that you aren't going anywhere. That you wouldn't let me screw this up."

He wraps his arm around me, "You forgot handsome and great in bed," he teases.

"No I didn't," I tease back. "Ok, show me the ring now," I say bouncing on his knee.

He opens up the box, and it occurs to me this man knows me. Like seriously knows me.

"Gadolinium?" I ask.

"It's what you make rings out of on your home planet right?" he says with a grin.

"This stuff is seriously rare on earth," I say kissing him.

"Luckily, I have access to other planets."

"So this ring is from off world?" I ask trying to imagine Rodney at an off world market.

"Umm, the materials for the ring are from off world."

"Mommy," I hear a small voice. I almost don't want to pull my face away from my fiancés. Fiancé, God that sounded good.

"Yeah sweetie," I say.

"Mommy, Daddy made me go to sleep even though it's really, really early," she complains.

"She might not be able to tell time, but her internal clock is working just fine," I say to Rodney, "Come here babe," I said taping my lap.

"Is there room on your lap for both of us?" she asks squinting up at her father.

"Room for my girls? Always," he says pulling her up.

"Hey, Erin you know what you father and I were doing?" I ask.

She makes a horrible face, "kissing," she says with obvious distain.

"Well yes, but we were also getting engaged," I say.

"Enaged?" she tries to repeat.

"Yeah, it means we're going to get married," Rodney says.

"We gonna stay at Daddy's house forever?" she asks.

Rodney glances at me quickly, he wants to see my reaction. "Uh, babe we haven't talked about where we're gonna live yet. But it will definitely be all together. You like Daddy's house?"

She shakes her head, "My room is pink, my room at Daddy's is boring white."

"Ok, one vote for our place," I say. Rodney shifts his leg, our weight is killing him, "Let's eat this fancy meal Daddy made for us," I say lifting her up and following her.

"I already ate," Erin says with a slight pout. Right, early to bed.

"But Mommy hasn't, and women are big on their engagement dinners. Wouldn't want you mother to have to eat a cold one."

"Do I have to go back to bed?" she asks glaring at her father.

"No babe, Daddy will not be sending you to bed early again," I say glaring at him.

He does the thing where he just barely runs his pinky across the life line of my hand. "Maybe a little early," I amend.

-0-

Hesina's POV

February 1999

Crazy. Kichaa. Nei'to. Kafta. The word isn't pretty in any language. Mom would be furious if she know I was thinking THOSE words anyway. I'm supposed to say, "mentally ill." Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of words, but no matter what you call it, it still sucks.

I guess Dad was called crazy once. They don't talk about it. I guess he was really out of it, and Mom was there the whole time. I remember it as a couple of week at Grandma's house. I think it was a little more traumatic for them. But I've never actually seen a crazy person before.

But my Grandpa Nick has been crazy all of my life. I'm about to meet him. Thinking about him being crazy is actually doing a pretty good job of keeping my mind off the fact that my Dad is missing. Just…disappeared while playing with a crystal skull on an alien planet.

"Nick," Mom says smiling at the old man sitting in a chair in the center of the room. Somehow he doesn't look like what I expected crazy to look like.

He looks at her, "You are Daniel's wife?" he asks.

"Yes, I'm Sha're, and this is my daughter Hessina. Our oldest daughter,"

He looks at me, "Do you know what your name means?" he asks.

I nod my head, "Good."

He smiles, "You're father's daughter."

"Gr…" I begin, but I remember just in time that he won't even let Daddy call him Grandpa, and I'm really his great-granddaughter, who he's never even met, "Nick..we wanted to talk to you about the crystal skull."

He sits back, studying me, "Your father used to laugh at me for all of that. I always told him my theories were not half as crazy as that half baked theory about how old the pyramids were. But he never said aliens in his theory," he looks at me for a little bit longer, "Your father send you all the way out here to make fun of his Grandpa."

I don't know about crazy, but I'm pretty sure I don't like this man.

"Dan'yel is missing," Mom says.

He looks at her, startled, "Was he on a dig? In the mall? Where?"

"On a mission."

"Mission?" he asks.

"He is a consultant for the Air Force."

"Daniel followed my footsteps," Nick says.

"You must be very proud," I say. I figure he's going to say yes, and I can tell Dad that when we find him. It will make all the pain that Dad felt feel better.

"He made a fool of himself," Nick says bitterly. "He staked his entire academic career on this belief that the great pyramids of Egypt were made by aliens."

"Yes, well, that's…" Mom says with an odd smile on her face. I never heard this particular story of Dad's past before.

"He was more insane than I was. I told him so. I told him to forget all that nonsense," Nick insists. Then he looks at the wall which for what is a little bit longer than would be absolutely necessary. Or sane.

"He hasn't published a paper in ten years. Now where is he? Where is he now?" Nike demands.

"In a way, that's what this is all about. We wanted to hear exactly what happened to you back in '71 when you first found the skull." Mom offers.

"Nothing happened. There were no aliens," Nike says looking back at that same spot on the wall with such intensity that I turn and look at it. Nope, there still isn't anything there."No one believed me," Nike continues.

"Dad believed you," I offer.

"He didn't. He wanted to. He did listen. In the end he did not believe in my theories of the skull just as I did not believe his theories of the pyramids and the aliens," Nike says softly, and I know that he is trying to be gentle. Despite his faults, he doesn't want to tell me anything bad about my father.

"Nick, can you tell us what happened when you found that skull?" Mom prompts.

"Why?" Nike asks.

"Because they've found another skull, identical to the one you found in Belize." Mom says.

"Show me," Nike says eagerly.

"It's in a high security facility at the moment. But if you tell us about your experiences, we…" mom says.

"Then take me there." Nike insists.

"We can't do that. It's classified," mom says.

"If you don't, then I won't tell you anything," Nike says stubbornly looking out the window, "It is up to you."

Daniel POV

February 1999

My Grandfather is in my place of work. Hessina met him. She met Nike. If he rejects her like he did me I'll hurt him. Even in my strange ghostlike state I will find a way to hurt him. So help me.

"It's exactly the same as the one I found in Belize. Where did you find it?"Nike says ignoring everyone around him including Sha're. She left all my kids at home today, unlike when she took Hesina across the country to help her talk to Nike.

"We can't tell you that." Jack says.

"You're gonna have to tell him eventually, Jack." I say. I've gotten quite in the habit of talking even though I know they can't hear me.

"The skull stood on a stone pedestal," he grins as they look at him. He knows they know exactly what he's talking about, "You have been there, haven't you?"

"You mean Belize?" Sam asks. She is actually pretty good at misleading people, although she really hates to do it.

"No, no, no. That was the ruins of the temple where I found the skull. But it's all gone, collapsed. I am talking about a cavern," Nike insists.

"Do you know the location of this cavern?" Teal'c asks.

"Nowhere on this Earth. It was so enormous that…that the light of my torch never reached the bottom," Nick says looking seriously at them. It's been almost a decade since he's talked about the cavern. Mom freaked out when he used to talk about the crystal stull. Told him he didn't have to keep seeing me. Like I was a burden. I let him go. He wanted to leave.

But later…when I heard he was in the mental hospital, I visited him. But I didn't take my family. I would never let Nick leave them.

"Yes, but how did you get there?" I ask.

"I don't know how I got there. A field of energy surrounded me and suddenly I was simply there. And then they came," his eyes get bigger

"They?" Sam asks carefully.

"The giants." He says.

"Giants?" Sha're asks dubiously.

"The giant aliens. They rose up as if they were made of mist. They flew around me like specters," Nike says.

"Now you know why no one believed him." I say with a wave of my hands.

"They spoke 'Oo ya waaling waaling wey tayil'."

"That's, that's Mayan. The enemy of my enemy…" Rothman offers. They brought him into to translate since I wasn't there.

"Is my friend, yes, but what does it mean?"

"I was afraid to answer. I just closed my eyes and suddenly I found myself back again under the temple in Belize. And the ground was shaking as if in an earthquake and I just grabbed the skull and…and climbed out and everything collapsed," Nike explains.

"So, you were sent to this cavern and back again without ever knowing where it was, in the ruins where you found the skull?" Sam says.

"I spent years trying to find it again, but it was as if the temple never existed," Nike protests.

"So I guess you couldn't take us there either," Sam says with a sigh.

"Can you imagine what it feels like to go on the most incredible journey of your life and have no one believe you?" he protests. Oh yes, I understand. That's the story of my life.

Teal'c walks Nike to the VIP room.

"There will be a guard posted outside your door should you require assistance," Teal'c informs him. You have to love the way that Teal'c can say we don't trust you, so we are watching you like a hawk, and make it sound like we are doing him a favor.

"When you see Daniel, would you tell him I…? Well, never mind. It's something I should tell him myself," Nike says.

"Very well," Teal'c says as he leaves. Nike sits down on the bed. I lean against the wall waiting for Nike to talk.

"I am sorry," he says.

"For what?" I ask even though I know he can't hear me.

"For letting Catherine chase me away. She told me you were better without me. After I went crazy. It wasn't your fault."

"I was fifteen years old, how could it have been my fault?"

"I am sorry for allowing my obsession to drive me to madness," then he looks right at me, "Would you forgive me?"

"You can see me?" I ask in shock.

"Yes Daniel, I can see you."

"Why didn't you say something?!" I ask flinging my hands up in frustration.

"You're not real so it doesn't mean anything," he mutters sounding defeated.

I kneel down near him, "No, no, no no, Nick. Nick, I'm real, I'm real. You're not hallucinating."

"Hallucinations always say that," he says with a hallow laugh.

"Not this time, Nick. The skull, the skull did this to me. I'm trapped, I'm in another dimension, I'm out of phase, something. Look, all I know is I need your help. If you don't help me, I don't know how I'm gonna get home." He looks shocked enough that I know he believes me.

We found the aliens again. They are enemies of the Goa'uld. One of them points at Nike, "You may remain."

"Me?" Nike says.

"Him?" Jack asks with alarm. Fatherly alarm for me.

"This is not the first time you have journeyed here," the creature says to Nike.

"You remember," Nike says pleased.

"There are others among our people who would gladly return," I hedge.

"No, Daniel. Let me," Nike says without even turning his eyes to look at me.

"Nick," I plead.

"This was my life's work. I've been hoping for another chance at this for twenty-nine years. Please," he responds.

"You just came back into my family's life."

"I'll be back again," he promises. But I don't believe him. He doesn't believe himself.

"You have to tell me everything," I tell him right before we leave.

"I promise," he says putting his hands right on my shoulders and looking me straight in the eye, "Daniel, I am proud of you. Your daughter seemed great."

"I have two more kids," I offer with a smile, "Goodbye…Grandpa."


	14. Road Trip

Daniel POV

September 2000

Colorado Springs

Cassie is dating. I don't know how to deal with this. She is the oldest SG-1 child. But I don't feel like she's old enough to date. This I have to see.

Luckily Teal'c had the same thought. He picks me up. He learned to drive not too long ago when we were traveling through time. I made him stop for donuts halfway there in an attempt to explain why we are coming.

I know that no one is going to believe the lame excuse. As soon as we enter the room Teal'c takes off. I rush after him, although I'm not sure what I can do to stop Teal'c.

"Are we correct in assuming you are a classmate of the _young_ CassandraO'Neill?" Teal'c asks with his arms crossed and glaring down at the boy.

The boy looks sick and shaking.

"We just wanted to meet Cassie's friend. Get back to studying." I try to nudge Teal'c out of the way, but that is an insane attempt.

"When CassandraO'Neill was a younger girl she injured herself while endeavoring to climb a tree. That tree was destroyed, as is anything which would dare to hurt young CassandraO'Neill." He says glaring at the boy even harder.

"I…" Damon stammers.

"Teal'c," Sam says with a warning sound. Teal'c gives the boy one more glare taking a step out of the room at the exact moment that I try again to move. I almost tip over. Teal'c puts out one giant arm to steady me, and we both leave the room looking far less intimidating than we did when we came in, but no less embarrassing to poor Cassie, I am sure.

Daniel's POV

October 2001

Colorado Springs

"Sha're," I say softly coming home.

"Daddy!" my children squeak. I spin them around and hug them. Then they scramble to their playroom.

"I'm going to be gone for a few days," I say gravely.

"Offworld?" she gasps.

"No, you remember Dr. Jordan?" he asks. I nod. "He died."

"Oh no!" I exclaim. "You're going back to Chicago? I want to come. We'll bring the kids. They've never gone anywhere. They are the children of a galaxy traveler and they've never even left the state."

"Ok," I say.

Daniel's POV

October 2001

Chicago

"The prodigal son returns!" Steven announces.

"Steven? Sarah," I say cautiously. I know now that Sha're was desperately jealous of Sarah back when we were all in college together. I didn't know it at the time, because I never imagined that either of them could feel anything for me.

"Daniel. It's good to see you," Sarah says with a wide grin.

"Sarah," Sha're says pointedly.

Sarah's smile fades, and she turns to her politely, "Sha're."

"And our kids," Sha're smiles, "We have three." She parades them out. This is just the sort of circumstance that make Aki nervous, and he makes that "Ahh" vocalization he hardly ever makes any more.

Sha're looks embarrassed. It's the first time our son has ever embarrassed her, and I feel fury rise up inside of me. He's my son, and I'm not ashamed of him.

"Aki Bakey, Daddy's little baby!" I say taking him into my arms and spinning him. He giggles, and Sha're stops the spinning to kiss him.

"Nice to meet you all," Sarah says.

"Yeah. Despite the circumstances," I say sadly.

"I know. I can't believe he's gone," she says sadly.

"So, what exactly happened? I mean…uh…the paper I read attributed his death to the curse of Osiris," I ask.

"According to the police…" Steven begins with a sigh, "there was a slow gas leak in the lab, and something must have caused a spark, the whole place went up, he was killed instantly."

"We would have called you, but, nobody knew where to find you," she says pointedly.

"That's…that's okay," I mutter. Sha're gives me a grin when she discovers that Sarah didn't even know where to find me.

"I'm glad you're here. So, how long has it been? Ten years?" she asks.

"Twelve."

"What have you been up to?" Steven asks.

Sha're's POV

"Uh…I've been busy," Daniel says.

"Really? I've looked for signs of you out on the fringes. There's been no papers, no research projects. It's like you fell off the face of the earth," Sarah asks.

"Yeah, it is a little like that, isn't it?" Daniel says grinning at me.

"Daddy talks to aliens," Pend'ra proclaims.

Hess shakes her head, "You need to learn the difference between fiction and non-fiction little one," she says picking on her little sister.

"Why did you come? You managed to stay away all this time. If you're looking for closure, Daniel, I'd say you're a little late," Steven says stomping off.

"Always a pleasure, Steven!" Daniel calls after him, "So, are you doing anything or…" he asks Sarah.

"No, I'm all yours," Sarah says moving closer to him. Awkward. I thought my being here would prevent this.

"Look, I saw a park over there…" I begin.

"Right, we should take the kids over there, they'd get bored with grown-up talk," Daniel says smiling at me. Oh, I totally thought I would go entertain the kids while he flirted with the woman who used to be in love with him. But hey, my husband is way cooler than that.

"I'm sorry. He's not usually like this. The last couple of days have been really hard on him," Sarah apologizes.

"Steven? No, he's right. I should have come back sooner. I was busy. The truth is, I got caught up in something…incredible."

"You found something, didn't you? Something that supports your theory? Tell me. Come on," she says excitedly as we walk toward the playground.

"I can't," he says.

"Daniel!" she protests.

"Okay. Let's just say…that what the world knows about ancient Egypt barely scratches the surface. The truth is more incredible than any of us ever imagined," he says mysteriously.

A wide grin covers her face, "Now, that's the Daniel I remember. Come on, I want to show you something."

Sarah's POV

October 2001

Chicago

"I thought you might like to see what we were working on before the accident," my voice says. But I'm not saying it. I want to scream at Daniel that the person he is talking to is not me, but every time I try nothing comes out. His wife took the kids back to the hotel room. The little one needed a nap. I'm glad they are gone, for no other reason than the fact that I don't want this thing inside of me to hurt them.

"Wow! This stuff is incredible!" Daniel exclaims.

"I only wish we had more time with them. The Egyptian government's made a formal request for their return. We've been desperately trying to learn as much as we can before the deadline."

Daniel picks up a piece of papyrus, and reads, ""Woe to all who open this, my final resting place.""

"Careful, now. All these artifacts are cursed. Well, that's what they say," the thing which is in control of my body teases. Yeah, there is some truth in that. Throw away all your doubt Daniel, believe in the curse and get out of town with those kids in tow!

"Yeah, I…read something like that."

"Every member of the original expedition in 1931 died within a year of the dig. Then the ship transporting these artifacts to America sank off the coast of New Jersey six months later."

"The Steward Expedition."

"Yes."

"Those deaths were attributed to mold spores that were released from the unsealed chamber."

"Mold spores aren't exactly front page material."

"No, I guess not. Er…if these things went down with the ship in 1931, how'd they wind up here?"

"They found the wreck a couple of months ago. All these artifacts were still in their packing crates. They brought it up and they shipped them to the museum. We just got them last week."

"Well, we can stay for a couple more days if you need help cataloging these."

The creature within me starts searching for something. I don't know why she's so interested in it. It really didn't seem important. But I'm not privy to most of her thoughts. The ones I do have access to are the ones that for the most part I don't want access to. Apparently this thing has had some experience with torture.

"What?" Daniel asks the thing he thinks is me.

"Something's missing."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. A gold amulet. Daniel, I've got to find it."

Daniel's POV

April 2001

Chicago

I finally coax Aki into the hotel pool. As soon as his body hits the water he lets out a high pitched terrified scream, and starts squirming in my arms. I take the step to the edge of the pool as fast as I can, and set him outside of the pool before climbing out myself. I sit down on a chair, and pull him onto my lap. He's shaking. I'm pretty sure it's not because he's cold, but I wrap a blanket around him just in case. Everyone in the pool area, and more than a few people from their hotel rooms are staring at us.

"Don't baby him," Sha're says, "He's never going to learn to swim if he won't even get in the water."

I pull him a little closer to me, "If he never learns to swim Sha're that will be just fine. He'll still be a wonderful little kid."

"Of course, but…" she starts.

My mind has been spinning ever since I saw Sha're's reaction to Sarah seeing our son earlier today.

"Why do you push him so hard?" I ask her.

"Because I want him to…to get better."

"Right, and I get it. I mean he never would have come as far as he has if…but Sha're…what if he never gets better? What if he gets worse?"

"Don't say that," she says coming out of the water with the water-winged Pend'ra in her arms, "He's getting better every day."

"I know," I say kissing the top of my son's head. He's calmed down now, "But I guess what I'm saying is…do you want him to be better for his sake or yours?"

I look up into her eyes, and I know that I've really wounded her. I probably crossed a million lines right then.

"I'm sorry Sha're," I say hanging my head, "but today…he embarrassed you. I hated that he embarrassed you. I guess I just needed to know that…no matter how he turns out you're still going to love him.

"Of course," she sounds genuinely surprised that I would even be concerned about this.

"I mean even if he's thirty years old and every time we take him into public has a truly humiliating melt down," I challenge.

"That's not going to…"

I cut her off, "I need to know about if it did, Sha're. Our child has a disability. I need to know that it's going to be ok, even if he doesn't get cured. Even if all your work doesn't make him better."

She sets Pend'ra down on a chair, and kneels next to the chair I am holding Aki in. She turns his head toward her, and he looks at her. These last few months he seems to have gotten ok with eye contact. That was all Hess. She told him to look at the colors in people's eyes.

"Aki'li," she says, "Mommy loves you no matter what. No matter what you do, I will always love you." Then she looks up at me, "Always, I'm sorry I was embarrassed."

"It's ok, I get it," I say pulling her onto my lap with my son.

"Mommy's wet!" Aki says trying to push her away.

"You're right Aki, can Mommy go get you into dry clothes?" she asks him. Then she looks at me.

"Pend'ra, should Daddy come swim with you?" I ask. Her little water winged arms spread out to greet me.

Sha're's POV

April 2001

Chicago

Daniel's phone is ringing. He's giving Pend'ra a bath so I pick it up. I hear Sam's voice, "Daniel, inside that jar you had us analyze."

"It's Sha're," I break in.

"Oh," she says, "Can you give Daniel a message."

"Sure."

"Inside that jar is a Goa'uld. It's dead now, but it hasn't been dead for very long. There was a second jar, it is missing. But it's possible it contained a live Goa'uld."

"So, you're telling me there could be a live Goa'uld out there?" I ask.

"Yes," Sam says.

"I'm going to tell him right now," I say.

"Daniel," I say knocking on the door.

"Come on in," he says. I walk in and my husband is sitting on the edge of the bathtub with our daughter wrapped in a towel on his lap.

"Daniel, the jar you had Sam study had…" I look at my daughter and quickly think of a code. I say the word snake in Latin, a language none of our children have mastered, "in it."

"A live one?" he asks in alarm.

"Ah, no, it was dead. But they think there could be another one that is alive."

"In someone?" he asks.

I nod.

"Ok, let's get you into your…" he begins talking to Pend'ra.

"No, Daniel, I've got it," I say taking her from his arms, "I can handle the kids. You go, and save the world.

Daniel's POV

April 2001

Chicago

"Daniel? There you are! I've been looking all over for you!"

"Yeah, I'm just doing a little extra research," I explain.

"I went by Steven's place, and he's gone. He's packed up everything and left."

"I know."

"You think he stole the amulet, don't you?" Sarah found an amulet whose carbon dating proves my theory about things being way older than people thought they were is correct. I so don't care about that. What I do care about is a bunch of people not dying.

"Yes."

"To stop your theories from being proven correct?"

"It's possible. Anyway, I have to find him."

"Well, I'll come with you."

"No…No, it's…too dangerous."

"We're talking about Steven here."

"Sarah, there have been three deaths already."

"Daniel, I know Steven. He may be capable of a lot of things, but he's no murderer."

"Well, you might not know him as well as you think you do…at least…not anymore."

"What's that supposed to mean? Oh, let me guess…you can't explain, right?"

"Sarah…"

"Well, what do you expect, Daniel? You show up after twelve years, but you can't say where you've been! You've got this mysterious ability to read this ancient language nobody's ever seen before, but you can't explain how! Then, when we finally find the evidence to vindicate you to the entire archeological community, you want to cover it up! What is going on? This is me, Daniel."

"I know."

"Then, why can't you trust me? What have you been doing for the past twelve years?"

"I want to tell you, Sarah. Really I do, believe me. I wish you could see some of the things I've seen. But the world is not ready to know. Not yet."

"I'm not asking you to tell the world. I'm asking you to tell me. This is my life's work, too, Daniel. So, you're working for the government, what? Daniel!"

"I'm sorry!"

"You're just going to disappear again, aren't you?" she accuses.

"Yes."

"I think Steven was right. You never should have come back," she says bitterly.

Sha're's POV

Colorado Springs

April 2001

"Are you ok?" I ask as Daniel comes home. He went to Egypt to capture the snide Steven who apparently has a Goa'uld inside of him.

"I'm fine," Daniel mutters.

"Is Steven alright?"

"The Goa'uld wasn't inside of Steven, it was inside of Sarah. Steven actually got pretty beat up in the process, but yes, it looks like he is going to be alright."

"Sarah has a Goa'uld in her?" I ask.

"And she got away," he adds. It is then that I notice a burn mark on his forehead. It looks like the kind of thing that would be left over from a Goa'uld hand device.

"Daniel," I say carefully looking at it.

"Don't touch it," he says nervously.

I hug him.

"It's easier when you don't know the host," he says. "How do you look at Osiris, and not see Sarah?"

"I'm sure you did everything you could," I comfort.

He holds me tight, "I can't imagine what it was like to see your mother as a Goa'uld."

"It wasn't easy," I confess.

Sha're's POV

February 2002

Colorado Springs

I always figured that if Daniel ever went missing I would fall apart. Disintegrate. Cease to function. I honestly didn't believe that I could live without him. But then Pend'ra asks for a hug and Hess needs help with her homework (bless the girl who does homework even when I don't assign her anything) and Aki…Aki needs everything.

So I get up in the morning. I make breakfast. I play with the kids. I assign them homework. I give them lunch. I put Pend'ra down for a nap. I give Aki his therapy. I make dinner. I put them to bed. Then I fall apart.

I worry about Hess. Twelve is a bad age to lose a father. Any age is a bad one. But she is becoming a teenager, and he's not going to be there for her. Aki doesn't understand the loss. He's not really capable of it. He understands the lack of his father, but not the loss. He doesn't get that it's going to be preeminent. This has nothing to do with the fact that he is nine, but has everything to do with the fact that he is Aki. Pend'ra doesn't really understand it either, but that is because she is five. Some days she gets it, and she cries. Other days she sits by the window and waits for him to come home. It takes everything I have within me not to join her.

Dan'yel come home to us!

Robots killed him. It's the sort of thing you can't even say in public. When people ask me how I lost my husband I have to lie to them. Or just tell them it is classified, and ignore the strange looks they give me wondering what an Archeologist was doing on a classified Air Force mission. Saving the world, again.

Thank goodness for Catherine. She comes sometimes, without being asked. I haven't the heart to ask her, because he was her son just as surely as he was my husband. But she comes, and takes care of them while I lie down on the bed and grieve.

She lets me hold it together. I have to hold it together, my kids need me.

Daniel's POV

February 2002

Colorado Springs

Ascension. Knowledge. Separation. Abandoning. Me, the abandoner?

Death. Nothingness. Separation. Another kind of abandonment.

I can't do that to them. Doesn't she understand that? I can't do that to my kids. But she doesn't understand that. She can't understand that, because she is an ascended being, and ascended beings don't have offspring.

She lets me come back anyway.

Jack gasps, wraps me up in a flag, and contacts my wife.

Home.

Daniel's POV

Colorado Springs

May 2001

Sha're hasn't loosened her grip on me since I walked through the gate. I guide her to my private quarters.

"Sha're are you ok?" I ask.

"They told me you were dead," she says holding me even tighter.

"I'm not dead."

"You were gone so long."

"Sha're, I would have come back to you. I…"I close my eyes for a long second, "I…didn't have my memory."

"Dan'yel?" she asks carefully, "When you didn't have your memory…"

"No," I say firmly as I shake my head, "No, I didn't cheat on you."

"I was going to ask if you were hurt," she says, and now she looks like she is worried about the cheating.

"I couldn't remember everything, but I do remember I kept talking about you and the kids. Oma didn't want me to come back to you."

She smiles, "I don't want to live without you." She says quite seriously. I run my fingers through her hair slowly and carefully.

"Sha're? Do you want me to find another job?"

"No, I just don't want you to be in danger again."

"They go together."

She looks at me seriously, "I love you enough to go through that hell if it makes you happy. But you'd better not ever leave us."

"How are the kids?"

"Hess is so grown up. Early on, when I wasn't…" she looks ashamed, "I didn't do much more than keep them alive those first few days. Hess just kept doing her lessons. I assigned Davie work when Sam brought him over too," I say with a smile. "I tried to give Aki work too, but he wouldn't do it. He didn't do well with the schedule change. He had your picture on the calendar, and when you didn't come he got furious."

"I'm sorry, Sha're," I say.

"You're alive, Daniel, you don't have anything to apologize for."

Sha're's POV

June 2003

Colorado Springs

You don't think you would ever get used to the phone calls. The ones that tell you need to come in and see your husband, because he has some weird alien problem. But you do. The panic that rises up inside of you gets a little bit less each time. You know he has survived a million things like this, so you just take it for granted that he is going to survive this one as well. Which is scary, because he really is in danger. I'm superstitious enough to believe that he might actually need me be scared.

I walk in to the room they are keeping him in.

"Who is responsible for this? I demand to know why this has happened!" he turns to me as I enter the room with Dr. Fraiser by my side, "Why am I a prisoner?" he demands pulling at the restraints which tie him to the bed.

"Those may be removed when you decide to calm down," Fraiser says calmly.

"Calm? How do you expect me to be calm? I was promised that nothing like this could happen! That nothing could go wrong!" Daniel demands. I don't know what is going on, but I do know that that man is not my husband. What if he has a Goa'uld? I know that they can be removed now. My mother, Vala, they are proof of this. But still…that is something I did not want my husband to have to go through.

"Okay, let's start there. Can you tell me what has gone wrong?" Dr. Fraiser says calmly.

"What has gone wrong? What has gone wrong? What has gone wrong? Well, for a start you are not a member of my staff and that!" Daniel points to himself in the mirror in furry, "Is not me!"

"What have you done with my husband?" I scream. Dr. Fraiser gives me a glare which I ignore. "Where is he?" I demand approaching him.

"Sha're! Leave the room!" Dr. Fraiser demands. The only reason I obey is the Airmen who would most certainly help me obey should I have refused.

I go into the observation room where Teal'c and Hammond are.

"What happened?" I ask.

"We were on a ship. Something caused us to lose consciousness. We when woke up Daniel was not acting like himself," Teal'c offers.

"But is he a Goa'uld?" Hammond asks.

Fraiser walks into the observation room, "No, Sir, but at the moment he's every bit as arrogant."

I breathe a sigh of relief. Of course, another part of me realizes that this might just mean that it is going to be a lot harder to cure.

"Then is Dr. Jackson suffering from some sort of mental illness?" Hammond asks. We've been down this road before. They thought that Daniel was crazy, but it was just some alien technology that was making him act crazy. If they try to drug him up and put him in a mental hospital again, I am going to fight it, and fight it hard.

"I honestly don't know yet, Sir. His preliminary ECG readings are like nothing I've ever seen. On one hand, there's indication of coma, but at the same time, we're seeing readings like those of a dozen people all jumbled together," she says.

"Is his condition life threatening?" Hammond asks causing my stomach to tighten into a tight coil.

"Couldn't even guess," Fraiser says.

"He is claiming to be a passenger from the crashed alien vessel we discovered on the planet. All of the passengers were in a form of stasis," Teal'c supplies.

"How is that possible?" Hammond asks concerned.

"I have no idea, Sir, but Teal'c is right, and I think that we're dealing with more than one passenger. By that, I mean that Daniel's behavior in the Gate room and throughout the preliminary testing was distinctly different than his current behavior. I'd say that we've witnessed two, maybe even three separate personalities," Dr. Fraiser informs us.

"Could there be more?" Hammond asks.

"We discovered several hundred passengers in cryogenic suspension," Teal'c informs us.

Whoever is currently in my husband's body sends a container of liquid crashing into the two way mirror.

Later

"Daniel? Are you even in there?" I ask him.

"Just find the small woman and tell her what she gave me wasn't good enough. It isn't working!" he says rubbing his head. He's been complaining of a headache the whole time I have been with him. "Do you speak?" he sneers.

Dr. Fraiser enters the room, "How are you feeling now?" she asks him.

"Your medicine is worthless."

"You still in pain?" she asks. I wonder if Daniel is in pain. I mean the man who has his body is, but I wonder if somewhere under that my Dan'yel is fighting and hurting and wondering why we are all looking at him like he is some type of criminal.

"This body must be damaged," the person in Daniel's body says.

"I doubt that. Dr. Jackson was in perfect health," Dr. Fraiser replies.

"I assume Dr. Jackson was the former…" he looks down at my husband's body, "…Not that I have anything against it mind you. It's younger and stronger than my own. And apparently it comes with a pretty woman," he sneers at me. I raise my hand to slap him, but Dr. Fraiser shakes her head at me, besides it would probably result in Daniel feeling the pain, "Did something happen to my own body?" the person occupying Daniel's body continues, "In times of disaster people need their Sovereign to look up to. How will they recognize me now?"

"I've already told you we didn't do this," Dr. Frasier says.

Daniel's body screams, "How else could I have arrived in this situation!"

"We don't know." Dr. Fraser says carefully.

Daniel acts threatening toward Fraiser, and an Airman ushers me out of the room. By the time I get into the observation room I hear Daniels' voice sounding very different and saying, "No. No, Martice is the Sovereign. I'm…I'm just a crew member." He sees his face in the two way mirror that I am currently using as a window, "Who is that?" He walks over and touches various parts of his face in fascination and alarm, "How can this be?"

"It's all right, I'm here to help you," Dr. Frasier says calmingly.

"No, no, this is wrong! This is a mistake!" the new Daniel says with alarm.

"Yes, it is, one that we want to correct. I'm Dr. Fraiser," she says.

"I am Tryan, engineer, second rank," my husband's body's new hijacker says.

"All right, Tryan. Why don't we start again?" she says.

"Again?" the man says questioning."

Later

"Well, it may be possible to upload your consciousness back into that memory," Dr. Frasier says to Tryan, who is still using my husband's body.

"No, each module can store only one consciousness," he cautions.

"Then do it one at a time."

"No, that's not possible. Here," he walks over to a glass of water which he stares at in his hand, "Could these same water molecules ever be returned to this glass just as they were before, no more, no less, in precisely the same configuration?" He pours the water back into the jug.

"No." Fraiser admits. But this is all wrong. There has to be a way to save my husband. There is always a way to save them.

"Our minds have been blended together, poured into one vessel ill-equipped to sustain our volume."

"But if the computers onboard your ship can separate the human consciousness from the body, then surely they can isolate the?" Dr. Fraiser says moving closer to Tryan to comfort him.

"Can you hear that?" Tryan asks.

"No, I can't hear anything."

"The others. Their voices. I can hear them. They're getting louder."

"Tryan, look, I need you to stay with me, all right? We need to work together on this."

"It's a most incredible feeling," he says with a kind smile on his face that Daniel never made those lips wear

"I doubt the others can help as much as you can."

"No one can help."

"Don't say that!" Dr. Fraiser demands.

"They're pulling at me now. I don't know how long…" he makes a sound that indicates he's in great pain.

Suddenly Daniel opens his eyes, "Janet?" he says in confusion. I run into the medical isolation room as quickly as I can.

"Look, something has happened, I need you to just stay with me okay? Just hang in there," Dr. Fraiser is telling him.

"Sha're," he says with a smile, "Everything is going to be ok." And he's gone as soon as the words leave his mouth.

Later

This new personality reminds me of Pend'ra.

"I don't think we've had a chance to meet." Dr. Fraiser says to it.

"Where's my father?" Daniel asks in the voice of a scared little child.

"I'm sorry, I—I don't know. Do you mind if I sit down beside you?" The little kid inside of Daniel nods his head. "Okay,' she says slowly walking over to him.

Daniel's body gives a nervous glance at the Airmen in the room, "What about them?" he whispers.

"Oh, no, they won't hurt you. Tell you what? Why don't I tell you everything I know and then we'll just take it from there, okay? What's your name?"

"Keenin." He says in a reluctant voice.

"Keenin? That's a very nice name. I'm Dr. Fraiser. Keenin, we're trying to figure out everything we can about how this happened. What's the last thing you remember?"

"My father," he tells her. "I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay on Talthus."

"So you had to leave?"

"They knew it was going to happen since a long time before I was born. Do you know what a dark star is?"

"Mm-hmm. One that's burned out its fuel."

"They said it would pass close enough to our sun to make it flare and that it would engulf Talthus. I knew my whole life that the world was gonna end."

"So your people built the _Stromos_?"

"They built three ships, including the _Stromos_, but it wasn't enough. They had a lottery. They said that was the only fair way. But my father was an officer on the _Stromos_. He was allowed to pick one person from his family. And m-m-my mother made him choose me," the little kid says crying out of my husband's eyes.

"It's all right," Dr. Fraiser says offering him comfort.

"My mother said that she would take her chance with the lottery, but she wasn't chosen. The Sovereigns were chosen, but she wasn't chosen. No one I know was chosen. I wanted to stay with her," Keenin lays Daniel's head down on Dr. Fraiser's lap. She strokes his hair.

"It's okay. Ssshhh. It's all right. It's all right. Ssshhh. It's okay."

Suddenly the hand on Dr. Fraiser's lab coat clenches, and Daniel's voice sounds a different kind of strange as he says, "What are you doing…?"

"Martice?" Dr. Fraiser says rather disoriented by the quick change.

"You may address me as Sovereign and I will ask you never to do that again. Now, what have you done to resolve this?" the man demands with Daniel's voice.

Later

"Tell them to stop shouting. It is unbearable!" Martice says with my husband's voice.

"I can't hear them," Dr. Fraiser says concerned.

"Be silent!" he shouts.

"They're in your mind, Martice," she informs him.

"No, no, no, no! What you're saying cannot be so. I have responsibilities to attend to, I—I cannot remain here."

"You cannot leave!"

"A thousand of our people depend on me to lead them, I am the Sovereign. They have sworn an oath to me!"

"I'm sorry," she says, but she doesn't really sound sorry for him. She did sound genuinely sorry for the kid.

"It is my destiny to rule over Ardena."

"Listen, you don't understand the seriousness of your condition."

He raises his hand at her, "And you still do not realize who you are talking to!"

Dr. Fraiser screams back "I don't give a damn! You don't belong in that man's body and I intend to take it back!"  
>Daniel looks like he is in an unbelievable amount of pain, and I'm really hoping Daniel isn't feeling it. "Please, why does it hurt so much?"<p>

Dr. Frasier prepares to give him some medicine, but all of a sudden Daniel's body stands up looking quite calm and collected, "That won't be necessary, Dr. Frasier. I seem to have a higher threshold for pain then the others."

"Tryan?"

"Yes."

"Oh, thank God for that!"

Sam comes in requesting to see Janet in the hall. They leave for a minute, and they come back in with someone I've never seen before. But apparently Tryan has. "Officer Pharrin, Sir! Engineer Tryan, second rank," he says giving a low bow.

"Tryan? Of course! Of all of our crew, you would've thought this was not possible," the new man says.

"And of all of our crew, Sir, you're the one who'd find a way to do it. How did you manage?"

"Our training and a shared will to survive. It is a strange way of living with others, but it is better than the alternative."

"What of our ship and our passengers, Sir?"

Pharrin moves closer to Tryan, "Our ship crash landed. We failed to reach Ardena. Her passengers may yet be saved, but not without considerable sacrifice, to you and to the others of the _Stromos_ that reside within you."

"I understand, Sir."

"These people possess a device capable of transporting all our people to another world, perhaps even Ardena. It is very real and it will save our people. But in exchange they ask that their friend be returned to them as he was before. I believe it can be done if we act quickly. It is a reasonable bargain."

"I will do whatever is necessary, Sir. Whatever you ask of me," Tryan says stoically. But all of a sudden Daniel is yelling, "No! There will be no sacrifice of any kind! Officer Pharrin, as your Sovereign I demand that you return me to the ship immediately!"

Pharrin falls to his knees and bows.

"Pharrin!" Sam scolds.

"We have sworn an oath to do his will. We cannot proceed," he explains.

"Officer Pharrin? I've given you a command. Do you understand me?" Daniel demands.

"Get up!" Jack demands entering the room.

"I've sworn to protect the Sovereign!" Pharrin says looking up at him.

Jack pulls him to his feet, "Your Sovereign's dead!"

"But his soul lives on!"

"Not if I cut him out!" Jack threatens. It's an empty threat. Jack is not in any way capable of brain surgery, and no one on earth could do the task he is proposing.

"You would not," Pharrin sneers.

"Oh, yes, I would," Jack threatens.

"Pharrin, you listen to me!" Daniel's voices demand.

"Don't listen! You just do what you came here to do!"

"Forgive us, Sovereign. It is the only way to protect our people," Pharrin says submissively."

"I will not surrender this body, not at any cost! It is mine!" Daniel shouts as Martice.

"It was never ours to begin with!" Tryan responds with a shout. It is really disconcerting to watch my husband argue with himself.

"If you save anyone, you will save me!" Martice demands.

"The people of Talthus will die!" Tryan says.

"Let them!" Right, this guy hanging out in my husband's body sounds like a real gem.

"Forgive me, Sovereign!" Pharrin says desperately.

"How dare you touch me!" Martice says truly offended.

"For twelve years, we have fought to save the people of Talthus, and we will do everything in our power to do so! No matter how great the sacrifice."

"Father?" Keenin asks in that tiny voice of his.

"Keenin?" Pharrin gasps, "I am so sorry, my son. You must sacrifice as well, and we will be together. Do you understand?" Pharrin is crying.

"The people of Talthus will be safe. And they will remember us forever," Pharrin says his voice growing stronger."

"But we'll be together?" Keenin asks desperately.

"We'll be together," Pharrin assures him, crying over his promise. 

Daniel's POV

June 2003

Colorado Springs

"Do you remember any of it?" Sam asks me.

"No," I say. But I can tell that it was bad. I can tell because they wouldn't let me leave the infirmary even after I told them I was ok. Also they are wearing their super-serious faces.

Sha're walks in, "Hey, love," I call over.

She comes to stand near me, but doesn't let me touch her quite yet. "Are you yourself?" she asks.

"Yeah, what did I do?" I ask.

"You shared your brain with twelve people," she says. "There are videos."

"Twelve people?" I ask in shock.

"Some were jerks," she responds.

"I didn't hurt anyone did I?" I ask in sudden panic.

"No, we didn't let you hurt anyone," she says giving me a kiss on my forehead.

"I'm back to you, I promise," I assure her.


	15. The End

Sha're's POV

September 2003

Colorado Springs

We took the kids on a field trip to the park. Almost a year ago Jack was frozen in Antarctica for a couple of months. We he came back Sam had his job, and he decided to retire. Since then he's been homeschooling two of his kids. So Davie isn't part of our school anymore.

Neither is Hessina. She was ready for high school at the beginning of this year, and decided she wanted to do it the traditional way. We were nervous for her. I mean she is only twelve years old, but she's been doing great. She has it worked out so that she can do it in three years. Then she is going to get some linguist degrees. She's picked up seven spoken, and five written language, but most of these are not taught in schools. Her dream is to work at the SGC. Thank goodness my little girl doesn't want too go through the gate.

Aki is still being homeschooled. He's nine now, and should be in the fourth grade. He is doing fourth grade work in math. He can read fourth grade material, but he doesn't understand it very well. This year we made huge growths in comprehension and he's actually understanding books written at a first or second grade level.

Half his day is spent in speech and social therapy. I also have him enrolled in a variety of playgroups. His speech is now so typical sounding that people usually can't tell he's different from him speaking. But he still has trouble answering questions. He can't follow sentences that contain more than a seven words, and he is a million miles from understanding multi-step directions. He still doesn't have normal social functioning, but you get the right kind of kid, and he does play with them.

After my first two kids it was a surprise to end up with Pen'dra. The girl is absolutely normal. She's five, working her way through the kindergarten curriculum, and is her brother's best therapy assistant.

The kids are playing, and Daniel and I are sitting on a blanket.

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened to you in Honduras?" I ask.

He is silent for a long time, "I don't think you really want to know."

"They tortured you?"

"Wasn't the first time."

"What did they do to you?" I say looking at him. I know he prefers it when I don't look at him at all, but I can't help it. He has to know how serious I am about it.

"Car batteries, withholding food. But the real damage wasn't on purpose. There is this thing called the Tel'chec device. Worse than a sarcophagus. But at least this time I didn't have a severe addition."

"You were addicted to the sarcophagus those three days you didn't come home to me?"

He sighs, "I'm sick of having you by my sick bed."

"Then stop getting sick, because you're stuck with me," I say placing my head on his shoulder. He winces in pain, and I pull my head away from him.

Daniel's POV

November 2004

Colorado Springs

"Dad!" Hess says. She came home from school to see me curled up motionless on the bed. I thought her mom would be home first. Sha're and the younger kids are at a playgroup. Hess was getting carpooled on the way home. I really thought Sha're would get home first, I didn't want my daughter to see me like this.

"Dad, what's wrong? Did you get hurt at work?"

I turn to her, with tears streaming down my face, "I'm fine."

"This is not what fine looks like," and she's began to feel all over my body for broken bones or blood or something to explain this behavior that is not at all like how her father normally behaves.

"Grandma's dead," I blurt out. Over half my thoughts in the three hours since Ernest delivered the news were how I was going to break the news to my kids. And that was the best I had.

"What? Grandma Catherine?" she asks.

"Heart attack," I say. I pull her into a hug. I'm not sure which one of us needs the hug more, but I do know that both of us need the hug.

Daniel's POV

May 2005

Earth-Gran's Cabin-Minnesota

Cassie is getting married. I cannot believe that Cassie is getting married! She's my friend's daughter, and none of my friend's daughter's should be old enough to be getting married.

It's good to see the O'Neill's they've grown up a lot in the year that they have been living off world.

Hessina is fourteen. She going to be a senior in high school this fall. She was so much younger than her classmates that I haven't had to worry about her dating anyone. But she's going to college, and she'll be way younger than the college students, so I've actually started to worry about the fact that I don't have to worry about anyone dating her.

I look over and Davie is looking at Hessina with a blush on his face. I look over at my daughter. She's wearing a frilly dress that cost far more than I'm willing to admit my wife spent on something my daughter is going to outgrow in a few years. Her hair is done up in a hairdo that took both of them, and Pend'ra an hour of what sounded like hard (and giggly) labor.

She's doing the big sister thing. She has all the kids in the room, including her two younger siblings in a big circle dancing. She's laughing hard with all the rest of the kids.

"_Big 'ol house in New Orleans_

_Forty stories high!_

_And every room that I've been in_

_is filled with pumpkin pie._

_Go down to the well on Burklin Street_

_To draw a pail of water,_

_Put one arm 'round my wife,_

_And the other 'round my daughter._

_Fair thee well my darling girl_

_Fair thee well my daughter,_

_Fair thee well my darling girl,_

_With the golden slippers on her."_

You have no idea how much I'm dreading the day I have to say, "fair thee well my daughter," to her, and if she ends up with someone who has gotten pretty attached to life in another galaxy I might actually have to say that.

Jack goes over to talk to Davie for a little bit. I wonder if he is encouraging or discouraging this new romance. After their conversation finishes up Davie walks over by Hess. He stands behind her, where she can't see him for a little big. Great, my daughter is being stocked. Then he seems to find his courage. He taps her on the shoulder, and she turns. She breaks into a wide grin the second she sees him. He bows low like a ballroom dancer. She smiles, and giggles. As they start to dance.

I scurry over to Jack, "Is that...?" he asks.

"Well, I don't know what's going on in your daughter's mind. But Davie's certainly thinking romance," Jack says.

"Well, I like that!" I exclaim.

"Is that a compliment to Davie, or a comment on the fact that he lives several trillion light years away?" Jack asks

"Both Jack!" I exclaim.

Daniel's POV

April 2009

Pegasus Galaxy

The universe has settled down a bit in the last couple of years. I've actually been doing Anthropological and Archeological work. For the first time since I graduated college. I haven't been in any life threatening situations for a long time. Sha're has finally, for the first time in our marriage, got a break from the constant worry. And then I decided to go to Atlantis.

I got captured. It's been years since I've been captured. I'm not used to it anymore. An alien in thick armor walks into the room.

"You. Come with me," the alien says.

I point to myself surprised. I'm not the biggest show in the universe anymore. Younger people have overtaken that role. "Me? Why?"

The alien takes out his stunner. McKay and I throw up our hands. McKay steps between me and gun. I thought this guy was supposed to be a coward,

"Hey!" I protest.

"Whoa! We'll both go! No need for that," McKay says.

"No," the armor guy says.

"Well…I guess it…just must be your turn to use the fitness room," McKay offers weekly.

"Right," I say walking past him with my arms still over my head.

"Good luck," McKay says, and he sounds really worried.

"You too," I say brightly.

I am shoved into a room that looks like the control room.

"You wish to speak to me," an alien says from the front consul.

"You're the leader…? You need to shut this device down immediately," I tell him. I am so not joking about that. Apparently as long as this thing is running anyone who uses a stargate anywhere in this galaxy will blow themselves, and anyone near them up.

"No, I do not," the alien says dismisivly.

"Okay, look, I-I understand wanting to destroy the Wraith. I do. But, uh, this…isn't the way," I offer.

"I disagree," the alien says.

"Okay, I don't know if you're aware of this or not, but this device has a serious side effect. It makes Stargates explode when they're activated."

"We do not use the Stargates."

Right, that totally makes this ok, "Okay…but lots of other people do."

"They are of no concern to us."

Millions of people are of no concern to him. Well, these people are now officially my favorite race of aliens, "So you're just going to let them die, millions of people across the galaxy…You're no better than the Wraith."

"Perhaps. But we have little choice."

"Why?" I ask.

"Our planet is dying. It can no longer sustain us. For the first time in countless generations, we must venture out into this galaxy again—a galaxy controlled by the Wraith. If we do not destroy them, they will destroy us. This is the way it must be."

I can't believe how selfish he is, "We're talking about the deaths of millions of people. How can you be so callous? And what is it you're so afraid of? Why-why-why are you still in your battle armor? I can't hurt you. I know you're not human, and you're definitely not Wraith. And if you were an Ancient, you wouldn't have needed our help to activate the device, so…what are you?"

The alien turns away from me, and the armor retreats away from him. The alien steps forward. I can't believe my eyes.

"You're Asgard."

Daniel's POV

April 2009

Colorado Springs

"How bad are you this time," Sha're says as she comes into the infirmary, and sits down on the side of my infirmary bed. She runs my fingers through my hair.

"Not so bad," I say.

She gives me a glare.

It says something about our relationship that she takes serious injuries in stride, and never believes my lies.

"Sha're, I'm going to switch over to just doing research."

She examines my face for one long quiet moment. "I told you that you were going to keep doing this job until you don't want to do it anymore."

"I'm going to stop doing missions," I repeat.

"Did you get hurt that badly?" she asks suddenly concerned.

"No, Sha're. I'm just stick of being hurt or in danger, and not knowing if…" I stop talking.

"I need you to be happy," she says.

"I'm happy whenever I'm with you."

Sha're's POV

May 2012

Minnesota Jack's Cabin

"Seriously Mom!" Hess says with an eye roll. I'm emotional not only because my daughter is getting married, but because afterword she'll be traveling to another galaxy. Davie lives and works at the Atlantis base as a computer expert. He's only twenty-one, just like my daughter, but he's been done with school for awhile. They waited to get married until Hess finished up her linguistics maters degree. She has a job translating Ancient waiting for her while she works on her doctorate.

Daniel puts his arms around me, "Honey, she's getting married. It's a good thing"

"Happy tears," I say.

He laughs, "How about I get your mother out of here, huh?"

Weddings at Jack's cabin have become an O'Neill family tradition. My daughter is marrying an O'Neill, but even if she wasn't, I'm pretty sure she'd be getting married here. O'Neill's are family. And now they'll be officially.

"Aki brought a date!" Pend'ra says bursting into the room.

"What do you mean he brought a date?" I ask her concerned.

"I mean he's here with a girl."

"That doesn't mean date," Daniel cautions. Aki went away to college last year. My son went away to college. Left home. Lived in a dorm (a private one, because he can't deal with roommates). It's a remedial college program, but he's getting perfect grades in it. Next year will be more like his real freshman year of college. But he's lived on his own. More than I ever expected out of life.

"But this is a date. He kissed her. He brought a date to his sister's weeding," Pen'dra repeats as if we are particularly dense.

Daniel gets this look on his face I've never seen before. But I know he's furious. I'm not sure why. He stomps out to the room.

"Daddy!" Aki explains. He still says Daddy, and Mommy although we've told him it's not something eighteen year olds do.

"Who are you?" he demands of the girl standing next to him.

"Angela," she says with a smile.

"What do you want from him?" he says unphased.

"Daniel!" I scold. God, Aki brought home a girl, and Daniel has to go all scary Dad on her.

"I don't want anything. I just want to be with him," she says.

"Look, it's not fair to pull him along like that. You should be honest with him. Tell him the truth."

"I am telling him the truth," she says. Confused. Genuinely confused. Oh, Daniel so needs to back off, or he'll be eating crow.

"Daddy, leave her alone," Aki says standing in front of her.

Daniel's face melts, "Honey," he says softly, "she not what you think she is."

"Where'd you meet Aki, Angela?" I ask.

Daniel glances at me annoyed.

"At school," she says.

"In the remedial program?" I ask.

She nods.

"So this is real? You're serious?" Daniel asks.

"I don't understand," Aki says and his face looks just like it did when he was four and didn't understand what was going on.

"Dad thought Angela was only pretending to like you."

"No," Angela says taking his hand.

"My son has a girlfriend!" Daniel says grinning.

Aki looks embarrassed, "Did you have to tell her she's my first girlfriend?" he says annoyed.

"I'm glad you could make it Angela," I say, "Sorry for the misunderstanding. Aki, you were supposed to do guest book, can you find another chair for Angela?" I ask. Otherwise he'd probably make her stand there, and she'd probably do it.

"Look in the room marked 'fellowship hall' for the chairs," Daniel says knowing he wouldn't know where to look for a chair. We still get phone calls a couple of day. He can't do new things without our advice. But the phone calls have been reduced lately. Probably, because of Angela.

As soon as we are out of sight Daniel breaks down.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I ask.

But there is a smile with the tears, "He's going to be fine."

"Of course he is," I say.

"No," he grabs my hand, "Sha're, our son. He's going to graduate college, and get married, and have a family. Or whatever else he wants."

"Of course he is," I say.

Daniel laughs, "Of course he is?"

"Didn't you know that?" I say looking at him.

He shakes his head, "All those years, and you never once doubted he would have everything." It isn't a question, but he didn't know that long before now. "Probably why he gets to have everything," he says with a shocked expression on his face.

"I guess I should have told you. Hey, Daniel, our kids are amazing. They'll all be fine."

He laughs again.

Pend'ra comes in, "You guys are crying again?" He says.

"Come here baby girl," he says pulling him onto his lap.

"Dad I'm too old for this," she protests.

"No, you're the only one of my kids that isn't grown-up. You're the only one that isn't too old for this."

"Daddy, there were two doors marked fellowship hall, which do I use?" Aki asks.

"I told him to use the first one. He should use the first one right?" Angela asks.

"Either one," Daniel says.

"Which one?" Aki says shifting from one foot to the other.

"The first one, honey," I say.

Aki still can't deal with options. But we've got time. We've got all the time in the world.


	16. The Tablet

The tablet Daniel thought he was gambling for when he won Sha're:

For the benefit of the flowers, we water the thorns, too.

One who drinks from the Nile must return.

Silence is more than just a lack of words.

The opinion of the intelligent is better than the certainty of the ignorant.

The goose's baby is good swimmer

One who marries for love alone will have bad days but good nights.

When a woman is not singing, she is not working much either.

Education is what you know, not what's in the book.

An easy things is never worthwhile, and rarely right.

I curse my son and I hate who says amen.

A monkey is a gazelle in its mother's eyes.

A woman will be twice bound when her chains feel comfortable.

He who understands music understands the cosmos.

Man fears time - Time fears the pyramids-and love.

If there were no wrongdoing, there would be no forgiveness

A man who is ashamed to sleep with his wife with never be a father

When you're at the dealing table, always look for the sucker- and make sure it isn't you.

A perfect thing is never beautiful.

I wish you joy in your journey, but pray in secret you will have no joy, and so return to me.

Pride and dignity would belong to women if only men would leave them alone.

Wherever you are so my home is.

It if looks like water, sounds like water, and feels like water, ignore the hieroglyphics which proclaim it sand."


End file.
